New York City is so polluted that yesterday the mayor tried to sell Manhattan Island back to the Indians for about twenty-four dollars. The Indians didn’t want any part of the deal.
Tag Archives: New York
Joke #13290
A well-dressed man with a suitcase hailed a cab in New York City and asked to be taken to Times Square, which was only a few blocks away. The trip took a long time and after the cab passed the same buildings for the fourth time, the passenger said, “Hey! What’s the big idea? This trip should have taken ten minutes not two hours.”
“Sorry,” apologized the cabby, “but it’s your own fault. Why do you go around dressed like a tourist when you’re really a native New Yorker?”
Joke #13143
My wife drove cross country in our car last summer and hit every small town from New York to Los Angeles. The accidents cost me a fortune.
Joke #13055
A taxi was slowly creeping along a packed New York City street during rush hour. The passenger in the back seat cried, “Can’t you go any faster?”
The cab driver turned around and quipped, “Yes, I can, but I’m not allowed to get out of the taxi.”
Joke #13041
Nobody cares what happens to me. I’m the only pedestrian in New York with a license to jaywalk.
Joke #12983
A spaceship landed on the front lawn of a house on Long Island. A mouse stepped out and walked up to the front door and knocked. A man opened the door and the mouse said, “Take me to your liederkranz!”
Joke #12981
A lady in San Francisco was entertaining a friend when the telephone rang. She answered it, giggled shrilly, said, “Sure is!” and hung up. A moment later the phone rang again. And again she answered it, laughed even louder, and exclaimed, “Sure is!” and hung up.
The friend was puzzled. “What’s going on there?” she asked.
“Strangest thing,” explained the lady. “Some fool person on that phone called up just to say ‘Long distance from New York.’ So I said, ‘Sure is!’ and hung up!”
Joke #12848
Two New York gamblers won big at Las Vegas and decided to take a cab all the way from Nevada to Manhattan. As they were getting into the cab, one man said to the other, You’d better get in first.”
“Why?” asked the other.
“Because I have to get off at Forty-first Street and you don’t get off until Fifty-ninth.”
Joke #12819
Another baseball first happened yesterday in New York City. Umpires decided to call a night baseball game on account of daylihgt.
Joke #12720
I read in a newspaper about a kangaroo in the Bronx Zoo who has no pep. The vet diagnosed him as out of bounds.
Joke #12460
New York City, N.Y.: A spaceship from Mars tried to land here yesterday, but couldn’t find a parking space. So the ship moved on to East Orange, N.J.
Joke #12419
A TV rating outfit recently called a sample of the male population in New York and asked, “Who are you listening to at this time?”
Of the respondents, .995 percent answered, “My wife.”
Joke #12340
The crime rate in New York is worse than ever. These days pushcart vendors can make a living selling protection to tourists.
Joke #12137
HOCKEY PLAYER: “Last year I broke my nose in six places.”
REPORTER: “That’s impossible.”
HOCKEY PLAYER: “No, it isn’t. I broke it in Montreal, New York, Chicago, Atlanta, Los Angeles, and Philadelphia.”
Joke #11935
A kid selling newspapers on a busy corner in New York City was yelling, “Read all about it — 29 people swindled!”
A man stopped and bought a newspaper from him.
After reading the headline, he said, “Hey, there’s nothing in here about 29 people being swindled.”
“Read all about it –,” shouted the newsboy. “30 people swindled!”