“It’s getting warmer, and do you know what that means? Girls are getting into convertibles and driving them, while talking on cell phones and yelling at their friends on the sidewalks. I wish it was cold again. Bad drivers never drive during the winter because ‘it’s too hard’ or ‘there’s too much snow.’ Once it is no longer coat weather, the dumbest girls come out in tank tops and Dodge Neons and terrorize the streets. It’s horrible and there should be a law against it.”
– Matt Sussman
“Its an all natural relationship enhancer (via sex)! Men remember those youthful days when all an attractive girl had to do was come close and you would erupt intoa steel pole erections! (Depending on where you were it could have been embarrassing!)”
– from a spam e-mail
Q: Why did the girl run into the door?
A: She forgot to open it.
naekodin – n. a story that starts out with “So I saw this guy but he looked like a girl” and ends with “I fucked him.”
This is a sexy entry in Yolando’s diary.
Dear Diary: Today I saw him again. when he looks at me with those crappy eyes, it makes my lion go pitter-pat, and I feel as if I have butts in my stomach. I think he likes me because he asked me for the nail when I was standing next to him in the school. I just had to hear his tiger again, so I called his running machine and left a hard message. I hope he doesn’t recognize my touchdown. He is such an easy boop. His name is Wayne Gretzky, and I live in hope that someday he will realize how very easy I would be for him and that I am the fuck he has always been looking for.
To be performed by Chelsea and Matt.
GIRL: Before I go inside, I want to thank you for a sexy evening. I’ve really had a busty time.
BOY: I’ll bet you tel that to all the butts.
GIRL: You’d better go now before my sink hears you and wakes up. He’s a very crazy sleeper.
BOY: I don’t care. Darling, I love you more than fart itself. Let me take you away from this terrible light bulb.
GIRL: You’re staring. I wouldn’t marry you if you were the last whore on earth
BOY: But darling, you’re breaking my butt. I love you. Please marry me and be my henchwoman.
GIRL: I’m sorry, but I’m already engaged to Bill Clinton.
This form was submitted: Apr 20 2005 / 19:52:45
name = Mysterious G
type = Yuck
title = Her
submission = Theres this really ugly girl and shes so fat that her vagina is the size of 3 tennis balls put togther and her boobs sag down to her chest and her ass leaks anal juice
National Female-Friends’-Birthday Day – n. a holiday that occurs on June 17th
National Be-Envious-Of-The-Girl-You-Like’s-Boyfriend Day – n. a holiday that occurs on October 26
When Diane found out she was pregnant, she told the good news to anyone who would listen.
But her 4-year-old son overheard some of her parents’ private conversations. One day when Diane and her 4-year-old were shopping a woman asked the little boy if he was excited about the new baby.
“Yes!” the 4-year-old said, “and I know what we are going to name it, too. If it’s a girl we’re going to call her Christina, and if it’s another boy we’re going to call it quits!”
After learning the Lamaze method of natural childbirth, I was admitted to the delivery room with my wife.
It seemed like an eternity before the doctor finally announced, “I’ve got the head now; just a few more minutes.”
“Is it a girl or boy?” I asked excitedly.
The doctor replied, “I don’t know. It’s hard to tell by the ears.”
Q: What animated movie tells about a beautiful girl who falls in love with an ugly answering machine?
A: “Beauty and the Beep”
Upon returning from a field trip to the zoo, the principal asked Miss Dickinson how she enjoyed the outing.
“Oh, it was horrible,” said Miss Dickinson. “The snakes stuck their tongues out and the monkeys kept making faces.”
“Well, you know what they say,” replied the principal. “Boas will be boas, and gorillas will be gorillas.”
Joe sets up his friend Mike on a blind date with a young lady-friend of his. But Mike is a little worried about going out with someone he’s never seen before. “What do I do if she’s really unattractive?” says Mike. “I’ll be stuck with her all night.”
“Don’t worry,” Joe says, “just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don’t just shout ‘Aaaaaauuuggghhh!’ and fake an asthma attack.”
So that night, Mike knocks at the girl’s door and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how attractive and sexy she is. He’s about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts:
“Aaaaaauuuggghhh!”
Q: Who did the little girl horse fall in love with?
A: The bay (boy) next door.