“Doctor, what do you do for a millionaire who is a hypochondriac?”
“Schedule him for a checkup every other day until he’s cured or broke.”
Tag Archives: crime
Joke #12905
Did you hear about the crook who’s so ugly, the post office refused to put up his wanted pictures on the wall?
Joke #12779
Two businessmen met on a cruise and struck up a conversation. one said, “I took this trip with insurance money. I got ten thousand dollars for fire damage to my store.”
The other man replied, “What a coincidence! I’m here on insurance money too. I collected twenty thousand dollars for flood damage to my store.”
The first man eyed the other for a few minutes and then leaned over and whispered, “Say, how do you start a flood?”
Joke #12776
BOSS: “The other night I dreamed I was dead.”
EMPLOYEE: “What woke you up, the intense heat?”
Joke #12707
LADY: “Tell me, if I took out a million dollars worth of life insurance on my husband he died the next day, what would I get?”
ATTORNEY: “Life!”
Joke #12683
I can’t seem to do anything right. The other day I shot at a burglar who broke into my house and when the police arrived, they arrested me for assault with a deadly weapon while the burglar escaped.
Joke #12677
If I went fishing in a mirage, a game warden would probably come along and give me a summons for fishing without a license.
Joke #12630
In reform school, teaching math is known as being in the numbers racket.
Joke #12466
POLITICIAN: “I ask you to vote for me. I’m a man who never stole anything in my life. And all I want is a chance.”
Joke #12433
Rumor has it that Washington is going to solve the crime problem by legalizing mugging.
Joke #12352
Did you hear about the Florida pickpocket who went bankrupt because he had cold hands?
Joke #12350
THUG 1: “Do you want to share a cab with me?”
THUG 2: “Sure.”
THUG 1: “Okay. I get the tires. You get the radio. I get the hubcaps. You get the battery…”
Joke #12347
TRAFFIC JUDGE: “For speeding, the penalty is ten days in jail or ten dollars cash.”
MOTORIST: “I’ll take the cash, Your Honor. I can use it.”
Joke #12345
The gas shortage is certainly affecting crime. Yesterday two hoods robbed a bank of $50,000 and escaped on bicycles.
Joke #12340
The crime rate in New York is worse than ever. These days pushcart vendors can make a living selling protection to tourists.