A father told a friend, “I stopped my son from getting to school late by buying him a car.”
“How did that stop his lateness?” asked the friend.
The father answered, “Now he gets there early so he can find a parking space.”
Tag Archives: car
Joke #12387
A teenaged boy drove his old car up to a toll booth on a highway. The toll collector said, “75 cents.”
The kid said, “Sold!”
Joke #12381
A boy once asked his mother, “Mommy, what happens to all those old cars?”
His mother replied, “Someone sells them to your father!”
Joke #12350
THUG 1: “Do you want to share a cab with me?”
THUG 2: “Sure.”
THUG 1: “Okay. I get the tires. You get the radio. I get the hubcaps. You get the battery…”
Joke #12325
JUDGE: “How can I be sure you’re telling the truth? You say you were only going 20 miles an hour in your car?”
DEFENDANT: “Yes, Your Honor, only 20 miles an hour. You see, I was on my way to see my dentist.”
Joke #12308
POLICE RADIO DISPATCHER: “Calling car number 709, calling car 709. Be alert. Someone is stealing your hubcaps!”
Joke #12307
PRISONER NO. 6583198: “You say the cops arrested you for going only 20 miles an hour?”
PRISONER NO. 7805407: “Yeah! But it was in somebody’s living room.”
The Jackal and the Fox
One day there was a Jackal. Was. He got hit by a car. But he wasn’t always road kill. He was a successful banker, a branch manager for a multinational bank that was established in hundreds of forests throughout the land.
That was until the Fox came by to store his pecan nuts. That asshole Fox wasn’t even a customer and he was trying to make them store pecans without even a proper account.
So, the fox went over the Jackal’s head, and got the Jackal fired. How did he know the Fox was a famous movie star, he doesn’t even own a TV. Then the Jackal was pushed in front of a car by his ex-boss’ bodyguards.
Moral of the story: Get a TV.
Joke #12177
People who have claustrophobia should not buy tiny compact cars. Traveling around in one of them is enough to drive anyone crazy.
Joke #12171
Q: What’s race car backwards?
A: Really slow.
Joke #12166
My dog is really something. Yesterday he chased a small foreign car. The trouble is that he brought it back.
Joke #12159
GAS ATTENDANT: “That’s a neat car you have, mister. How many miles do you get to a gallon?”
CUSTOMER: “I only get about three miles to a gallon. My teen-aged son gets the other twenty.”
Joke #12122
Q: Did you hear about the golf club that excluded females from its annual tournament?
A: The board of directors claimed that they were terrible drivers.
optimist
optimist – n. a person who buys a car and hopes he’ll find a parking space before the car is paid for
;} a person who lights a match before asking to borrow a cigarette
;} a person who starts a diet on Thanksgiving
;} a person who swears off liquor on New Year’s Eve
Joke #11986
A man walked into a doctor’s office with his suit ripped and his arms and face bleeding.
The nurse took one look at him and asked, “Have an accident?”
The man replied, “No thanks, I already had one.”