I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf.
And he said, “no, the steaks are too high.”
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf.
And he said, “no, the steaks are too high.”
A lady goes into the butcher shop and as she is walking around the store, she spies a beef tongue in the butcher’s counter. The lady asks, “What in the world is that?”
“Beef tongue,” replies the butcher!
The lady gives a little involuntary shudder, “No way would I put anything in my mouth that came out of an animal’s mouth!”
The butcher nods sympathetically while peeking into the woman’s shopping cart, “I see you’re buying a dozen eggs!”
Q: What do butchers’ kids play with?
A: Chopping blocks.
Q: What’s the difference between prospectors and butchers?
A: Prospectors stake their claims, butchers claim their steaks.
Q: What did everyone ask the angry butcher when the cat stole something from his store?
A: “What’s the matter — cat got your tongue?”
PATIENT: “Doctor, I have a bad liver. What should I do about it?”
DOCTOR: “Take it back to the butcher.”
I went to the butcher’s the other day and asked him what he could show me for a dollar… And he stuck his tongue out at me.
BUTCHER TO SOCIALITE: “Lady, believe me, there is no such thing as a pedigreed hotdog.”
These days they have schools for everything:
– I went to card shark school, but failed out because I didn’t cheat on the tests.
– I went to oven repair school and it was a gas.
– I dropped out of butcher school because I couldn’t hack it.
– I graduated from astronomy school and came out starry-eyed.
CONSUMER: “The latest thing is a store that’s a combination butcher shop and health spa.”
MAN: “You can’t be serious.”
CONSUMER: “But I am. If you go into the store, you have to join the spa before the butcher will trim the fat off your meat.”
Hopeless Herbie doesn’t have a business mind. He thinks the stock market is a wholesale butcher shop.
Mr. Swanson: Hello? This is Mr. Swanson. Is this the butcher?
Butcher: Yup. Glad to meat you!
Q: What do you call a game show that uses only butchers as contestants?
A: “The Slice is Right.”
A butcher is in his shop, really busy. He notices a dog and shoos him away. Later, he notices the dog is back again. So he goes over to the dog, and notices he has a note in his mouth. He takes the note, and it reads, “Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please. The dog has money in his mouth, as well.” The butcher looks inside and, lo and behold, there is a ten dollar bill there.
So he takes the money, and puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, placing it in the dog’s mouth. The butcher is well impressed, and since it’s close to closing time, he decides to shut up shop and follow the dog. So off he goes. The dog is walking down the street, when he comes to a level crossing. The dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the button. Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to turn. They do, and he walks across the road, with the butcher following him all the way.
The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe at this stage. The dog checks out the times, and then sits on one of the seats provided. Along comes a bus. The dog walks around to the front, looks at the number, and goes back to his seat. Another bus comes. Again the dog goes and looks at the number, notices it’s the right bus, and climbs on. The butcher, by now open-mouthed, follows him onto the bus. The bus travels through the town and out into the suburbs, the dog looking at the scenery. Eventually he gets up, and moves to the front of the bus. He stands on 2 back paws and pushes the button to stop the bus.
Then he gets off, his groceries still in his mouth. Well, dog and butcher are walking along the road, and then the dog turns into a house. He walks up the path, and drops the groceries on the step. Then he walks back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He goes back down the path, runs up to the door and -Whap!- throws himself against it again. There’s no answer at the house, so the dog goes back down the path, jumps up on a narrow wall, and walks along the perimeter of the garden.
He gets to the window, and beats his head against it several times, walks back, jumps off, and waits at the door. The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts laying into the dog. Kicking him, punching him, and swearing at him. The butcher runs up, and stops the guy. “What the hell are you doing? The dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for God’s sake!”, to which the guy responds “Clever, my eye. This is the second time this week that he’s forgotten his key.”