Tag Archives: banana

The Unfriendly Restaurhaunt and Coffin Shop Moan-U

The following is a menu offered at the Unfriendly Restaurhant and Coffin Shop Moan-U.

A die-ning delight that will lift your spirits!

SAND-WITCHES

Boo-loney

Boo-gels and Scream Cheese

Hallow-weenies

Liver-worst

BOO-VERAGES

Milk Shaaaakes

Ice Scream Floats

Orange Crrrush

HEX-TRAS

Clammy on the Half Shell

Chilllled Tomb-ato Juice

Deviled Eggs

SOUPS AND SALADS

L-eeek! Soup

Cream of Asparaghost

Arti-Choke Hearts

Lettuce Alone Salad

Marinated Brussel Shouts

SIGHED DISHES

Baked Beings

Cre-mated Spinach

DESS-HURTS

Creep Suzettes

Banana Scream Pie

Sheet Cake

Key Slime Pie

Hot Sludge Shun-dae

TODAY’S SPE-CHILLS

Spook-ghetti

Souther Fright Chicken

Ghoul-lash

Turkey with Grave-y

Pasta-way

Breakfast Served from Midnight to 3 A.M. Daily

CEREALS

Ghost Toasties with Evaporated Milk

Shrouded Wheat

Scream of Wheat

EGGS

Terri-fried Eggs — Over Easy

Scream-bled Eggs

Three-moan-it Soft-booled Eggs

Stormy-side-up Eggs

Eggs Boonidict

Cust-tomb-ers: We accept Die-ners Club, Monster Card, and American Hex-press Credit Cards

Joke #10776

Two spacemen were shooting through space in their rocketship.

They were returning to their planet from Earth, and were bringing back a bunch of bananas.  They had never seen bananas before.

Just as one of them bit into his banana, the spaceship dropped into a Black Hole.

First spaceman: “Did you take a bite out of your banana?”

Second: “No.”

First man: “Well, don’t.  I just did and went blind!”

Joke #9145

As part of the admission procedure in the hospital where Paula works, Paula has to ask the patients if they are allergic to anything. If they are, she prints it on an allergy band placed on the patient’s wrists.

Once when Paula asked an elderly woman if she had any allergies, she said she couldn’t eat bananas.

Several hours later a very irate son came out to the nurses’ station demanding, “Who’s responsible for labeling my mother ‘Bananas?'”

Joke #9119

Ed finally decides to take a vacation. He books himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeds to have the time of his life –until the boat sank. He found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies…nothing…only bananas and coconuts.

Four months later, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to him. In disbelief, he asks her, “Where did you come from? How did you get here?”

“I rowed from the other side of the island,” she says. “I landed here when my cruise ship sank.”

“Amazing,’ he says. “You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you.”

“Oh, this?’ replies the woman. “I made the rowboat out of raw material I found on the island. The oars were
whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm branches. And the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree.”

“But, but, that’s impossible,’ stutters Ed. “You had no tools or hardware. How did you manage?”

“Oh, that was no problem,” replies the woman. “On the south side of the island, there is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed. I found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forge-able ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware.” Ed is stunned.  “Let’s row over to my place,” she says.

After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As Ed looks onto shore, he nearly falls out of the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, he could only stare ahead, dumbstruck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, “It’s not much, but I call it home. Sit down please. Would you like to have a drink?”

“No, no, thank you.’ he says, still dazed. “Can’t take any more coconut juice.” “It’s not coconut juice,”the woman replies. “How about a Pina Colada?”

Trying to hide his continued amazement, he accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces,

“I’m going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom.”

No longer questioning anything, Ed goes into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, is a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside of a swivel mechanism. “Wow! This woman is amazing!” he muses, “What next?”

When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines-strategically positioned-and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit down next to her. “Tell me,” she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, “We’ve been out here for a really long time. You’ve been lonely. There’s something I’m sure you really feel like doing right now, something you’ve been longing for all these months. You know…” She stares into his eyes.

He can’t believe what he’s hearing: “You mean—“, he swallows excitedly, “I can check my email?!”