hamreh – adj. to become pregnant after having surgery
Tag Archives: baby
osampa
osampa – n. a lady over 45 that still breast feeds
esguate
esguate – v. to put your cheek on a baby’s back while its pants are down
hondur
hondur – v. to choke a baby while its still in the womb
ura
ura – n. a pregnant mother wearing tight clothes
micieli
micieli – n. a Huggies baby
renzetti
renzetti – n. a baby that knows how to flick someone off
Joke #9308: Child Support
A man frantically calls 911 and says, “Help…my wife has gone into labor and her contractions are 10 minutes apart”.
The 911 operator asks, “is this her first child?”
To which the man replies, “Of course not, you idiot…this is her husband.”
—
Another version of this joke:
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What’s the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!
Joke #9252: Who Needs Enemies?
The sailor came home from a secret two-year mission only to find his wife with a new-born baby. Furious, he was determined to track down the father to extract revenge.
“Just tell me one thing! Which one of my no-good friends did this?” he asked.
“Don’t you think I have any friends of my own?” she snapped.
Joke #9227
A man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control and crashed. Upon regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, a relentless world-class practical joker, sitting at his bed side.
He asked his brother how his wife was and his brother replied, “Don’t worry, everybody is fine and you have a son and a daughter. But the hospital was in a real hurry to get the birth certificates filed and since both you and your wife were unconscious, I named them for you.”
The husband was thinking to himself, “Oh no, what has he done now?” and said with trepidation, “Well what did you name them?”
The brother replied, “I named the little girl Denise.”
The husband, relieved, said, “That’s a very pretty name! What did you come up with for my son?”
The brother replied, “Denephew.”
Joke #9163
This woman goes into a dentist’s office.
After the dentist is through examining her, he says “I am sorry to tell you this, but I am going to have to drill that tooth.”
The woman then says “Ooooohhhh, I’d rather have a baby!”
To which the dentist replies “Make up your mind, I have to adjust the chair.”
Joke #9151
There was an expectant father who had spent quite some time waiting for the offspring to arrive – at his in-laws’ place.
As his leave balance had gone into the red, he tells his father-in-law, “When my son comes, do not call up my office and say that I have become a father of a boy because I’ll have to shell out a lot for parties. Just leave me a message that the clock has arrived. This will be our code for the arrival of the baby.”
The offspring does finally arrive one day, but it’s a daughter. The father-in-law now thinks to himself, “If I tell him that the clock has not arrived, he’ll misunderstand and think that something has happened to the baby and come rushing over.”
So the father-in-law left the following message: “The clock has arrived, but the pendulum is missing.”
Joke #9125
Morris and Becky were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy and the couple took him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, “What ever possessed you to study Russian?”
The couple said proudly, “We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he’ll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him.”
Things That Take Too Long to Learn
1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.
2. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-saving time.
3. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
4. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.
5. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is: age 11.
6. There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”
7. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
8. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings.”
9. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
10. If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and he decides to deliver a message to humanity, he will NOT use as his messenger a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle or in some cases, really bad make-up too.
11. You should not confuse your career with your life.
12. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter/janitor, is not a nice person.
13. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
14. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
15. Your true friends love you, anyway.
16. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
Joke #9045
Q: What does Woody Allen call an unborn baby?
A: A blind date.