The hotel I stayed in during my vacation was a tourist trap. Nothing was free. I even had to rent a pen to sign the register.
Joke #13019
Last summer was so hot, I actually didn’t mind getting icy stares from strangers.
Joke #13018
Bus and taxi drivers have this uncanny knack for knowing when people are late for work. That’s why they pass them by every time.
Joke #13017
I thought about visiting Japan on vacation this year. But when summer rolled around, I found I just didn’t have the yen to make the trip.
Joke #13016
Midgets are the only people who don’t mind being in debt up to their ears.
Joke #13015
The only time I’m positive there aren’t two sides to every argument is when I’m in one.
You Have Bad Luck If…
How can you tell if you’re one of life’s losers? …You don’t have any luck at all if:
– When you put a coin in the soda machine, you get your soda before the cup drops into place.
– You find a ten-dollar bill and get arrested when you try to spend it because it’s counterfeit.
– You get your big break and make the football team only to trip over the bench and break your leg.
– You start to go bald at the same time you reach puberty.
– The guarantee on your used car expires two hours before the car’s engine does.
Joke #13013
“I’m so poor,” the old gentleman said with a sigh, “That my hearing aid on a party line.”
Joke #13012
A woman on a local bus was making a real pest of herself by asking the driver every few minutes, “Have we come to Walnut Drive yet?” After twenty minutes, she finally said, “Tell me, how will I know when we get to Walnut Drive?”
The driver turned to her and answered, “By the big smile on my face, lady!”
Joke #13011
TEACHER: “What were General Custer’s last words?”
STUDENT: “Gee! What happened? They seemed so friendly at the dance.”
Joke #13010
DENTIST: “Which tooth is bothering you?”
GANGSTER: “Find it yourself! I’m no stool pigeon!”
Joke #13009
CABBIE: “Where to, buddy?”
PASSENGER: “Drive off a cliff. I’m committing suicide!”
Joke #13008
CUSTOMER: “I’d like a robe to wear around my house.”
SALESMAN: “Fine, how big is your house?”
Joke #13007
HAROLD: “I just got a new dog for my wife.”
LOUIE: “Sounds like a real great trade.”
Joke #13006
“You’re in a terrible state,” the policeman said to the drunk.
“I don’t know about that,” answered the drunk. “New Jersey is no worse than any other place.”