How can you tell if you’re one of life’s losers?  …You don’t have any luck at all if:

– When you put a coin in the soda machine, you get your soda before the cup drops into place.

– You find a ten-dollar bill and get arrested when you try to spend it because it’s counterfeit.

– You get your big break and make the football team only to trip over the bench and break your leg.

– You start to go bald at the same time you reach puberty.

– The guarantee on your used car expires two hours before the car’s engine does.