Q: What do you call a formal dance for the benefit of podiatry?
A: A football, naturally.
Joke #13201
I wish laughter was the best medicine. A comedian would make a house call cheaper than a doctor would.
Joke #13200
DENTIST’S OATH: “We solemnly swear to extract the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth, so help us God.”
Joke #13199
My physician’s bookkeeper must be a frustrated medical man. I caught him doctoring up my bills.
Joke #13198
DOCTOR: “Your blood pressure is sky high, Mr. Smith.”
PATIENT: “That figures. I get it from my family.”
DOCTOR: “Your mother’s side or your father’s side.”
PATIENT: “Neither. It’s my wife’s side that gives me my high blood pressure.”
DOCTOR: “Why, that’s impossible!”
PATIENT: “You wouldn’t say that if you knew how obnoxious my in-laws are.”
Joke #13197
A WORD OF ADVICE TO PARENTS: Never trust a doctor who doesn’t like a dose of his own medicine.
Joke #13196
PSYCHIATRIST: “How long has your husband thought that he is Napoleon, Mrs. Stanners?”
MRS. STANNERS: “Since Waterloo.”
Joke #13195
An elderly lady was introduced to a Doctor Stevens at a party. At the first opportunity, she cornered the man and said, “Doctor, I’m so happy to meet you. I’d like to ask you a question. Lately I’ve been getting terrible pains on my right side when I lift my arm like this. What should I do about it?”
The man answered, “I’m sorry, Madam, but I’m not that kind of a doctor. I happen to be a Doctor of Economics.”
The lady was taken aback for a short moment, then regained her composure and asked, “So tell me, should I sell my stock in General Motors?”
Joke #13194
DOCTOR: “How is the boy who swallowed the silver dollar?”
NURSE: “No change yet.”
A Bear in S p a c e
Once upon a time in space, there was a bear named David. David was a sad bear who didn’t have any bear friends. Since David was a hairless bear, except for his head, no one wanted to be his friend because he was different.
No one at David’s house cared for him either. His momma and poppa bear were always at the river catching fish. Whenever his parents came home, they only gave David the head of the fish since they hated the head part. David was always hungry as a result.
So, one day, David decided to take off his helmet and leave this sad universe. David said his last goodbyes and took off his helmet. Then his face blew up like a balloon and that was the end of David the lonely bear.
Moral: Shave your head if your whole body is hairless. Then maybe you will conform to the standards of the society and not be seen as an outcast, and have a crummy life to show for it.
Joke #13192
WIFE TO BANK CLERK: “I want to make a withdrawal from my husband’s half of our joint account.”
Joke #13191
LADY: “Why are you so miserable?”
MAN: “My daughter ran off with my chaufeur.”
LADY: “Do you miss her?”
MAN: “No. I miss my Rolls Royce. They ran off in it.”
Joke #13190
My husband is so bald that when you look at him from a distance, it looks like his neck is blowing bubblegum.
Joke #13189
My wife is suicide blonde — dyed by her own hand.
Joke #13188
To a father, a new baby is an addition to his family and a deduction on his income tax.