Jokes about Blondes.
There were three blondes on an island and they didn’t know how to go home. A genie came along and granted each of them a wish.
The first blonde said: “I want to be smart enough to get off the island.” So she swam back home.
The second blonde said: “I want to be smarter than the first blonde!” So she built a boat and went home.
Then, when the genie asked what the third blonde wanted, she said: “I want to be smarter than all of them!”
So she walked across the bridge!
Q: How do you keep a blonde occupied?
A: Unplug your stereo and tell her to turn it on.
Q: What do a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang them the looser they get.
A blonde walks next to a railroad track one day when she see’s a brunette. The brunette is just jumping on the track, saying “21, 21, 21, 21, 21.” The blonde says “that looks like fun” and starts jumping on the track going “21, 21, 21, 21, 21.” A train sounds and the brunette jumps off but the blonde gets hit and dies.
Then the brunette gets back on and says “22, 22, 22, 22, 22.”
Q: If 40 bisexual blondes get into a bed who comes out first?
A: The blonde whip they were using.
A blonde gets a ice fishing pole for Christmas, so she goes out to try it. She drills the hole and puts the line in and waits.
Someone says that there’s no fish there. So she moves and does the same thing, with the same answer, after many tries the blonde finally looks around and finds a man looking very frustrated watching her.
She asks “How do you know that there are no fish here?”
“Because,” the man says, “this is a Hockey rink and second you’re going to have to pay for those holes.”
A blonde was walking along a river and a woman yells at her from the far bank.
“Hey,” she says, “how do you get to the other side?”
The blonde on this side thinks for a minute and then replies,
“Silly, you already ARE on the other side!”
There are two blondes driving to DisneyWorld. They drove and drove and they saw a sign that said “DisneyWorld left.”
So they turned around and went back home
Q: What do you call a blonde with a bucket on her head?
A: All you can eat under a buck.
A blonde goes to the doctor and she tells him that she lives in a neighborhood that is surrounded with dogs and they bark all night and she can’t get a wink of sleep. The doctor gives her the strongest pills he has and tells her to come back in a week.
She comes back in one week and she looks even worse.
Then the blonde said “Once I actually caught the dog it was like hell to get him to take the pill!”
An herpetologist (snake expert) brought several snakes to show a class at the local community college. A young brunette went up to him after the class to ask more about the snakes. She wanted to know if he had ever been bitten by a poisonous snake.
He said “Yep, several times. Most recently a rattler bit me right here”, and he showed the scar on his arm where the snake had sunk it’s fangs.
She looked at the man in awe and asked, “And you lived!?”
He looked at her, surprised, then grinned and said “You’re really a blonde, aren’t you?”
Setting off the alarm while passing through a metal detector at McCarran Airport in Las Vegas, a blonde traveler was asked by a security agent if she had any change in her pockets.
“Gee,” the blonde says, turning towards her husband, I told you we should of gone to Florida instead…..everyone here expects to be tipped.”
A blonde is on board a small two-seater plane when suddenly the pilot dies. Not knowing how to fly a plane she grabs the radio.
“Mayday, Mayday! My pilot just died!” she screams. Ground control receives her call for help and answers back: “Don’t worry, madam. I’ll talk you down, just do as I say. First, I need you to give me your height and position.”
“I’m 5 foot 2 and sitting in the front seat!”
A guy accidentally puts his car into reverse and backs into a guard rail. So he asks his blonde girlfriend to jump out and tell him if the blinkers are still working.
The blonde walks around to the back of the car and says… “Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no…”
My wife is suicide blonde — dyed by her own hand.