Poetry and songs. Funny and serious.
sung to the original song of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
–
Do not trust minorities in your working environment,
sure they go about they’re own business for the time being,
but as soon as you turn your back they will take your job.
Rudolph was an obvious minority because he was the only one with a red nose and he took the
head job on the sleigh, he obviously took someone’s job.
And people said Christmas songs are good for the soul. Baah who needs em
He’s Dave…
If you hadn’t gave Dave some head…
You’ll be diggin’ a grave
Ohhh he’s Dave
Dave’s the maaaan
Dave’s cooool
Dave’s buffffff…
Cuz he’s da maaaaaannn
Dave drives a ‘cedes
‘82
cuz he’s fuckin’ awweeeeesomeeee
oh yeahhhhhhhh
Sung to the Happy Birthday song.
–
Happy Anniversary to you
Happy Anniversary to you
Your life is like poo
Your names are (names)
After (#) of crappy years
You smell like poo
And you look like it, too
This is supposed to be sung by a character named Mr. Chubby Chubbles.
–
Yo, I’m the chubbles,
I don’t like bubbles in the bathtub
Because I ain’t a playa
A fake-a
A guy that rolls around in the mud
Chubbles in my name
And eating is my game
I eat eat eat eat
Off my feet feet feet
If I have to.
If I have to.
But I usually eat it in the toilet
The toilet
The toilet
And I usually foil-it
And put it in the oven
And cook it
And eat it
Whee!
Lily Lily had a Bell,
Lilly lilly rung it,
Lily Lily went to hell
=P
As my eyes
search
the prairie
I feel the summer
in the spring.
FART!
its an art
oh boy oh boy
look at that!
its a fart!
::heavy bass and guitar solo here::
yyyyyyyyeaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!
::head bash now::
::somebody jumps into a crowd::
FART! FART!! SMELLS LIKE A PART!
ITS A FART!
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH BOY!
BAAAAAAAAAAM!
BOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
::a guy with a violin comes and shoots himself in the head::
blllllllllahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
::music stops, crowd hushes::
::everybody farts::
yeeeeeeeehaw!!!!
heeeeeeeehaw!
(Chorus of annoying little kids are in italics)
–
I Gotta –
Gotta what?
I Gotta –
Gotta what?
POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
(long and heavy guitar solo)
(whispering repeatedly as the solo goes on) Gotta poo Gotta poo Gotta poo Gotta poooo
Here we go!
Splash!
Here’s another one!
Ba-doop!
Here we go here we go go go go gooo!
Sploosh splash splash splooosh!
(the guitar makes farting noises instead of notes now)
Poop! Gotta gotta –
Poop!
Gotta Gotta –
Poop!
Stupid Kids!
(the kids start crying)
blahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblah!!!!
Bananas in Belize-a
Bananas in Belize are good to eat-a
Chiquita Banana I’d like to meet-a
La La La La La
Parody of Los Del Rio – Macarena
by Adam Sandler
–
Sitting in my house, and I know that I’m alone,
Feeling kinda horny, got a jingle in my bone
Go and grab a Penthouse it’s the one with Sharon Stone
Hey Masturbata!
I go a little faster and its feeling kind of nice,
Once ain’t enough so I have to do it twice
If you wanna spank the monkey I can give you good advice
Hey Masturbata!
I use some baby oil or a little Vaseline,
Laying down a towel so I keep my carpet clean
Never shake my hand cause you don’t know where its been
Hey Masturbata!
I do it in the car when I’m driving down the street,
One hand on the wheel and the other on my meat
I can’t get out the car cause I’m sticking to the seat
Hey Masturbata!
Since I was a kid I have been a masturbater,
Choke the chicken; hum the knob, squeezing the tomato
I’ve looked at Ms. November now I’m gonna decorate her
Hey, Masturbata!
Buffing the banana, Mr. Lizard shaking bacon,
Pounding on the flounder and its mayonnaise I’m makin’.
Spank the frank, wax the carrot, god my hand is achin’.
Hey, Masturbata!
Parody of The Hokey Pokey
–
O proud left foot, that ventures quick within
Then soon upon a backward journey lithe.
Anon, once more the gesture, then begin:
Command sinistral pedestal to writhe.
Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke.
A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl.
To spin! A wilde release from heaven’s yoke.
Blessed dervish! Surely canst go, girl.
The Hoke, the poke — banish now thy doubt
Verily, I say, ’tis what it’s all about.
I made myself a snowball,
as perfect as could be,
I thought I’d keep it as a pet,
and let it sleep with me.
I made it some pajamas,
and a pillow for its head,
Then last night it ran away,
but first it wet the bed.
Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet
eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider
who sat down beside her
And said, “Plenty of cholesterol, I’d say.”
Jack and Jill
went up the hill
To fetch a pail
of water.
Jack fell down
and broke his crown,
And sued the farmer
and his daughter.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Sugar is sweet,
and expensive too.