Customer: “Can this wool coat be worn in wet weather?”
Clerk: “Madam, have you ever seen a sheep carry an umbrella?”
Category Archives: Jokes
The whole Joke archive. Tons of jokes!
Joke #18470
Not long ago I met the waitress of my dreams.
About halfway through dinner I called the waitress over and said, “Ma’am, this potato is bad.”
She nodded, picked up the potato and smacked it. Then she put it back on my plate and said, “Sir, if that potato causes any more trouble, you just let me know.”
Joke #18469
As he fiddled with his high school class ring, the one he got after graduating in 2000, my son Aaron asked, “Mom, I’ve been wondering. What were you and dad thinking when you gave me the initials ACH?”
“Nothing,” I answered back. “Why?”
He showed me the inscription in his ring. It read: “ACH 00”
Joke #18468
While I was working in the men’s section of a department store, a woman asked me to help her choose a white dress shirt for her husband.
When I asked about his size, the woman looked stumped at first, then her face brightened. She held up her hands, forming a circle with her forefingers and thumbs.
“I don’t know his size,” she said, “but my hands fit perfectly around his neck.”
Joke #18467
I was shopping with my roommate, and I saw a humorous button that said, “It might look like I’m doing nothing, but on a cellular level, I’m quite busy.”
I showed it to her, and her response was, “Oh, I should buy that one, I’m always talking on mine.”
Joke #18466
For their anniversary, a couple went out for a romantic dinner. Their teenage daughters said they would fix a dessert and leave it waiting.
When they got home, they saw that the dining room table was beautifully set with china, crystal and candles, and there was a note that read:
“Your dessert is in the refrigerator. We are staying with friends, so go ahead and do something we wouldn’t do!”
“I suppose,” the husband responded dryly, “we could clean the house.”
Joke #18465
My husband is always complaining about my inability to stay on a budget and about the costs of running the house in general. This has become worse since we have had the twins.
Everything is double, clothes, food, pediatrician bills. Lately, he has even been complaining about the amount of baby powder I have been using on the twins to prevent them from getting diaper rashes. I’ve had to remind him that…
talc is cheap.
Joke #18464
Money isn’t everything….there’s credit cards, money orders, and travelers checks.
Joke #18463
The world is full of willing people: some willing to work and some willing to let them.
Joke #18462
A modern pioneer is a woman who can get through a rainy Saturday with a television on the blink.
Joke #18461
A man (or woman) who can smile when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.
Joke #18460
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Joke #18459
Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were.
Joke #18458
Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.
Joke #18457
The real reason you can’t take it with you is that it goes before you do.