Q: Know why the Indian got a table at the restaurant?
A: He had a reservation.
Category Archives: Jokes
The whole Joke archive. Tons of jokes!
Joke #21224
Ever wonder why the Rolling Stones were the bad-boy rival of the Beatles?
Perhaps it was their lyrics: “You make a dead man cum.”
Joke #21223
I hired a subliminal advertiser and he requested a gallon of white ink.
Joke #21222
A bad pun is like watching two old people having sex. You never asked for it, but later on, you can’t get it out of your head.
Joke #21221
We made fun of squares in high school, but don’t you think it’s funny how that comes full circle on you?
Joke #21220
When those plantation slaves revolted from their masters, they had guts. Literally, they had some cotton balls.
Joke #21219
Q: Did you hear the one about the deaf guy?
A: Well, he didn’t.
Joke #21218
I cheated on my normal soap with a bar of Zest. I had to come clean.
Joke #21217
Q: How many Polish people does it take to make an apple turnover?
A: Two. One to buy an apple turnover, and one to pretend he’s offended that this joke is directed towards Polish people.
Joke #21216
Tom Brokaw took off his pants and gave us a news flash.
Joke #21215
Neil Young’s old.
Joke #21214: Tarzan Sex
When Jane initially met Tarzan of the Jungle, she was attracted to him, and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex. “Tarzan not know sex,” he replied.
Jane explained to him what sex was.
Tarzan said, “Oh, Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree.”
Horrified, she said, “Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly.”
She took off her clothes and lay down on the ground. “Here,” she said. “You must put it in here.”
Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer with his huge erection, and then gave her an almighty kick right in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity. Eventually she managed to gasp for air and screamed, “What did you do that for?”
“Tarzan check for bees.”
Joke #21208
Q: What do you get when you mix a crucifix and a dresser?
A: A cross dresser.
Joke #21206: Soy Toy
While going through his wife’s dresser drawers, a farmer discovered three soybeans and an envelope containing $30 in cash. The farmer confronted his wife, and when asked about the curious items, she confessed:
“Over the years, I haven’t been completely faithful to you.”
“When I did fool around, I put a soybean in the drawer to remind myself of my indiscretion,” she explained.
The farmer admitted that he had not always been faithful either, and therefore, was inclined to forgive and forget a few moments of weakness in his wife.
“I’m curious though,” he said, “Where did the thirty dollars come from?”
“Oh that, ” his wife replied, “Well, when soybeans hit ten dollars a bushel, I sold out!”
Joke #21203: Not a Very Good Polar Bear Joke
A polar bear walks into a bar and says, “I’ll have a large orange juice . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . on the rocks.”
The bartender served the juice and said, “Here it is, but why the big pause?”
“I don’t know,” the polar bear replied. “I’ve always had them.”