Q: What does a chicken and a band have in common?
A: They both have drum sticks.
Category Archives: Jokes
The whole Joke archive. Tons of jokes!
Joke #13295
Q: Why didn’t the duck cross the grill?
A: He didn’t want to be a roast duck.
Joke #13294
New York City is so polluted that yesterday the mayor tried to sell Manhattan Island back to the Indians for about twenty-four dollars. The Indians didn’t want any part of the deal.
Joke #13293
The only things you can get for a dollar these days are dimes, nickels, quarters, and pennies.
Joke #13292
Of course we’ve all heard about the President of the United States from Georgia who never made any real money until he was elected… because he’d spent his entire life working for peanuts.
Joke #13291
I’ll tell you how bad things really are. If you want to buy a smile button these days, you have to go to an antique shop.
Joke #13290
A well-dressed man with a suitcase hailed a cab in New York City and asked to be taken to Times Square, which was only a few blocks away. The trip took a long time and after the cab passed the same buildings for the fourth time, the passenger said, “Hey! What’s the big idea? This trip should have taken ten minutes not two hours.”
“Sorry,” apologized the cabby, “but it’s your own fault. Why do you go around dressed like a tourist when you’re really a native New Yorker?”
Joke #13289
I heard clothing manufacturers are paying the phone company to install a phonavision in every American home. They figure that way they can make a fortune selling ski masks to anonymous callers.
Joke #13288
With the price of fuel the way it is these days, when you build a snowman, you use rocks for his eyes and nose instead of coal.
Joke #13287
Did you hear about the Eskimo who struck oil in Alaska? The first thing he did was rush out and buy his wife a cloth coat.
Joke #13286
The cuts in federal spending have taken their toll on our space projects. Now astronauts can only get rockets to lift off if they peddle fast enough.
Joke #13285
A millionaire who’d been bad all of his life was nearing the end of his time on earth and wanted to wipe the slate clean. To make amends for his evil ways, he donated a lot of money to a local church and had a meeting with the minister to discuss the possibility of getting into heaven.
Since the man had spent most of his life being evil, the minister couldn’t really assure him he’d get into heaven, but he didn’t want to disappoint the man and lose a big contributor. Being diplomatic, the minister sized up the millionaire’s chances like this:
“Mr. Smith, when it comes to riding on the heavenly railroad, think of yourself as a standby passenger.”
Joke #13284
A recent consumer report claims that a careful shopper can eat like a horse for about ten dollars a month. But my guess is that if you want to eat like a human being, the bill will be closer to one hundred dollars a week.
Joke #13283
PATIENT: “Doctor, I have a bad liver. What should I do about it?”
DOCTOR: “Take it back to the butcher.”
Joke #13282
A kid runs into his house and says to his mother, “Can I have a quarter for a man who’s outside crying?”
The mother asks, “What is he crying?”
The youngster answers, “‘Ice cream, 25 cents!'”