All posts by davepoobond

I own this site.
Hate Mail, Fan Mail/Hate Mail

Hate Mail #22127

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At some point in time I had received an e-mail from “Mr. Right” which contained:

Hey man good site except i dont appreciate jokes that are not only gross but also prove that your morals are worse than michale jacksons. i dare u to go find what joke im talking about, email me back if you and your teddy bear have time

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In response, I sent:

I’m glad you like my site, but I don’t give a shit which joke is gross or not.  If you don’t like reading the jokes, don’t read them.  Go to another section of the site.  Why don’t you go cry to your mommy about how Mr. davepoobond has poor morals compared to your high-standing morals that are monumentous in comparison to mine.

Mr. Teddums and I have morals, but only when it comes to something actually important.  Just because I post a joke that I think is funny, it isn’t to  make any judgement on the morals that I have.

E-mail me back if you and your right hand have enough to time to stop jacking off to your real estate agent.

Hope you keep going to Squackle!

davepoobond
https://www.squackle.com/

Bad Submissions

Bad Submission #22122

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Anti-Barney the Dinosaur song submission.

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This form was submitted:  Jun 12 2005 / 05:33:03

name = ME
song = BAR–NEEYY BAR–NEEYY DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!

BAR–NEEYY BAR–NEEYY DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!

BAR–NEEYY BAR–NEEYY DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!

BAR–NEEYY BAR–NEEYY DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!

BAR–NEEYY BAR–NEEYY DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!

eTc.

CrazE-mails, Chat Logs

CrazE-mail #22099

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Date: Mon, 23 Jan 2012
From: Christina the Neurotic
Subject: For the love of–NEED SHIFTS COVERED URGENTLY

Evening, everypony….

My gosh….I know this is my last week of my 2 weeks put in but jeez, they scheduled me ON MY INTERNSHIP days (Mon and Tues) when I SPECIFICALLY GAVE Zsal my Spring schedule waaaay before I was quitting and before this semester came even close.

Sigh…. apparently I missed a shift today because I didn’t even get the shift OVER THE WEEKEND. I didn’t get a call from them today about missing but there’s a shift just for me tomorrow…..NEED that covered, guys.

2:30pm-8pm Tuesday 1/24th. PLEASE guys.

Thanks to whomever will be my savior,
Christina the Neurotic.

Stupid IMs, Chat Logs

#22095: DonutLover -> davepoobond

2 Comments

davepoobond is on a dating site… and then…

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DonutLover: hey

davepoobond: hi

davepoobond: how’s it going

DonutLover: slowly..tired but not sleepy…

DonutLover: hows your night going

davepoobond: not bad, just trying to waste the last couple of hours of the day before going to sleep

DonutLover: i hear ya

DonutLover: how has this site been for you

davepoobond: pretty crappy actually, dont really get many interactions from people

davepoobond: you’re the 2nd person to actually say more than 1 thing to me heh

davepoobond: how about for you

DonutLover: hah, same deal, i look through these profiles and mostly find myself thinking …why does he have his shirt off or what a retard…i know…harsh critic

davepoobond: i see nothing but variations of “please keep your shirt on” or stuff like that on girls profiles

DonutLover: haha..really

davepoobond: yeah, its getting kinda boring at this point. i dont see any girls without their shirts on, so i’m wondering what i’m missing

DonutLover: im pretty sure theres some sluty gals around….put some effort into looking davepoobond

davepoobond: hahah well that was a joke 😛

DonutLover: “no”,,,,,”really”….?! lol

davepoobond: 😉

davepoobond: so whats your favorite kind of doughnut

DonutLover: Jelly filled…what about you

davepoobond: old-fashioned

davepoobond: as long as it doesnt taste like carrots

davepoobond: ive had one that tasted like carrots, it was very confusing

DonutLover: carrots?…were you high?

DonutLover: Kidding kidding

DonutLover: 🙂

davepoobond: no, it was the morning, so might as well have been

DonutLover: hahaha….

DonutLover: So…how was your monday

davepoobond: it was a normal monday i suppose. went to work and then came back home and watched some netflix

davepoobond: how about yours

DonutLover: well..didnt have to work..apparently its a presidents bday or something..but i did have to go fix some major paperwork mistakes i hid earlier in the week

DonutLover: what do you do for milk money kiddo

davepoobond: well uh Martin Luther King wasn’t a president, but i guess that’s close enough haha 😛

DonutLover: im glad you get my sarcasm..o.0

davepoobond: just makin sure!

davepoobond: i do video editing for an investigations company and freelance video editing as well on the side

DonutLover: sounds….entertaining…..

DonutLover: dot dot dot..lol

davepoobond: very. i’ve always been good with computers, and i love to act smart about things people dont know about, and no one knows anything about video, so therein lies where i make money

davepoobond: and i can rub it in people’s faces too and its easier to act like i know what im doing

DonutLover: arent you charming…hah, i must say i am jealous of tech geeks…there so useful..them and wilderness firefighters..

davepoobond: are you around a lot of fires in the wilderness?

DonutLover: no..but i mean..knowing me..im pretty sure..itll happen

davepoobond: guess it’d be good to keep a pocket fire extinguisher then

DonutLover: they have those?

davepoobond: sure. imagination makes anything possible.

DonutLover: hmmmm….itd be less weight if i just brought a wilderness ff along though

davepoobond: but how would he fit in your pocket

DonutLover: obviously gamers dudes dont use logics much..eh davebond

DonutLover: id carry him on my back

DonutLover: dah

davepoobond: how long have you had a profile for

DonutLover: not sure..i made it along time ago.and havent been on in a while…

davepoobond: into any movies at all?

DonutLover: classics…what are you into

davepoobond: everything

DonutLover: agh…thats specific

davepoobond: i was a film major, so there isn’t a movie that i can’t or won’t watch

davepoobond: the absolute worst movie i have ever seen was Da Hip Hop Witch

davepoobond: and i almost turned it off it was so terrible

DonutLover: haha…awkward

DonutLover: why were you even watching it?

davepoobond: whats your favorite classic movie then

davepoobond: cause i heard Eminem was in it, and that it was supposed to be a parody of The Blair Witch Project

davepoobond: and i thought he was going to be going through the woods with some middle schoolers

davepoobond: but it was nothing like that at all

DonutLover: hahahaha…goodness….i like how that appeals to you..well my classics are not the norms of the designated, i just prefer black and whites, anything with spencer tracey and older war flics..

davepoobond: spencer tracey huh.

DonutLover: for some reason i have no interest in modern comedy..like those bachlor films

DonutLover: tracy gable wayne..i know im a patriot

davepoobond: touch of evil and philadelphia are a couple of ones ive seen that i like

davepoobond: citizen kane until the end was great. i thought the ending was dumb

DonutLover: ive never seen citizen kane

DonutLover: what happens at the ending

davepoobond: geez i cant spoil the ending for you

davepoobond: there’d be no point in watching it

DonutLover: exactly

DonutLover: help a stranger out

DonutLover: odds are….youll enjoy it

davepoobond: enjoy what?

davepoobond: spoiling a movie?

DonutLover: haha….fine ill google it

DonutLover: goodness

davepoobond: at least im not the catalyst

DonutLover: you and your big words

davepoobond: indubitably

DonutLover: i concure

DonutLover: cure

DonutLover: hah

davepoobond: making up words now? awkward

DonutLover: awkwardly awesome

davepoobond: that was actually an inside joke.

davepoobond: cause i’ve made about oh i dont know… 6000 words

DonutLover: and how far has that got ya craphead

davepoobond: i dont know, ill let you know when it gets me somewhere

DonutLover: haha…so i guess well never know then

davepoobond: i found this one girl’s profile where she says she wouldnt mind sleeping on a grave for a first date

DonutLover: shes a keeper

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She leaves the chat. Apparently she wasn’t very interested.

Bad Submissions

Bad Submission #22092

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Submitted as an Anti-Barney the Dinosaur song.

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This form was submitted:  May 31 2005 / 12:51:16

name = crackhead
email = crack@crackisgood.ca.mb
use_email = no
song = yah i wan’t to kill that purple bastard!  I’ll rip off his head so he dies faster.i’ll shoot him in the head, then he falls, then i’ll rip off his fucken balls!  And then i’ll tie burn it at the ends and he’ll say give it back!  That’s my friends!!

and if you don’t like this song, you can kiss my white ass you fucken squares!!

CrazE-mails, Chat Logs

CrazE-mail #22084

1 Comment

I have a Craigslist posting that I can help people with quick computer problems or troubleshooting something, with a more software-inclination, rather than hardware.  I don’t get any responses to it, but I did get the following.

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from:  Sweetandfun
date:  Fri, Sep 2, 2011 at 8:19 PM
subject:  Quick Computer Troubleshooting/Help

Hello I need help!!! Can u help me wipe out some old stuff on google please give me a call im Sweetandfun <insert phone number here>

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from:  davepoobond
date:  Fri, Sep 9, 2011 at 9:14 PM
subject:  Re: Quick Computer Troubleshooting/Help

I’m afraid that is outside of the scope of my power. The only way to remove search results on Google is by removing the items on the originating web site. Once they are removed, then it will take a couple of days or more for Google to clear it out of its search results.

Hope that helps you.

CrazE-mails, Chat Logs

Looking for a Voice Actor?

1 Comment

I have a posting on Craigslist to offer my services as a voice actor.  I don’t get many responses to it, obviously, but I did get one, as follows.

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from:  Stro
date: Mon, Sep 12, 2011 at 9:19 AM
subject:  Need a voice actor

Hi, I’m actually looking for a phone actor, for 10-15 mins. Is this something you can do?

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from:  davepoobond
to:  Stro
date:  Mon, Sep 12, 2011 at 12:23 PM
subject:  Re: Need a voice actor

Yes, I think I can help you out with it.

What is the project?  If it is a video, what genre is it?

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from:  Stro
date:  Mon, Sep 12, 2011 at 6:41 PM
subject:  Re: Need a voice actor

It’s not a video, sounds really silly but I need someone to pretend to be my dad over the phone.  My dad won’t talk to a friend of mine and I really need him to, it’s a complicated situation. I just need someone to talk to my friend for a few minutes. I’ll obviously pay whatever you charge for your service.

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from: davepoobond
date:  Mon, Sep 12, 2011 at 6:54 PM
subject:  Re: Need a voice actor

Well, it is an odd proposition.  I’ll have to know more specifics before I can tell you I’d do it or not.