DOCTOR: “Why did you jump in that icy river to retrieve your hat? You could have been killed.”
PATIENT: “I know, but I had to get my hat. If I go without one in the winter, I catch cold.”
All posts by davepoobond
Joke #11992
I no longer have faith in my psychiatrist. Last night I saw him in a bar telling his troubles to a bartender.
Joke #11991
Talk about hypochondriacs. Last week my date took me to a drive-in movie…in an ambulance!
Joke #11990
Did you hear about the Australian who ended up in a crazy house? Seems he bought a new boomerang and went nuts trying to throw the old one away.
Joke #11989
DENTIST: “Sorry, but I’m out of gas!”
WOMAN IN THE CHAIR: “Oh, come on now! Do dentists use that old line too?”
Joke #11988
DOCTOR: “Okay now, Mr. Hopper, stick out your tongue…farther…farther…farther.”
MR. HOPPER: “I can’t stick out any farther. It’s connected back there!”
Joke #11987
OPTOMETRIST: “Can you read the chart over there on that wall?”
PATIENT: “Eye chart? I can’t even see the wall.”
Joke #11986
A man walked into a doctor’s office with his suit ripped and his arms and face bleeding.
The nurse took one look at him and asked, “Have an accident?”
The man replied, “No thanks, I already had one.”
Joke #11983
A guy rushed into a hardware store and shouted to the clerk, “Hurry up and sell me a mousetrap.”
The clerk turned his back and said, “I’ll be with you in a minute.”
The customer yelled, “Darn it, just don’t stand there. I have to catch a bus.”
The clerk replied, “I’m sorry, Mac, we don’t have a trap that big!”
Joke #11982
I’m a loser. If it was raining soup, I’d be standing outside with a fork.
Joke #11981
WIFE: “Why are you home so early, dear?”
HUSBAND: “The boss fired me today because of illness.”
WIFE: “He fired you because of illness? I don’t get it.”
HUSBAND: “Well, he said he was sick of me.”
Joke #11980
“Don’t you work in the shirt factory?”
“Yes. I do.”
“Why aren’t you working today then?”
“Because we’re making nightshirts this week.”
Joke #11979
GROCER: “May I help you, Miss?”
MISS: “Yes. How much are those tomatoes?”
GROCER: “80 cents a pound.”
MISS: “Do you raise them yourself?”
GROCER: “Yep. yesterday they were 70 cents a pound.”
Joke #11978
OVERHEARD (in restaurant):
PATRON: “Do you have pig’s feet?”
WAITER: “No. These are new shoes and I just walk that way.”
Joke #11977
I’m so unpopular. Last year I ran for political office and didn’t get a single vote, not even my own.