“Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeatin my meat”
– Adman
All posts by Adman
Quote #13939
“Beatis my Meatis”
– Adman
Download: Switcher
Warning: This program does not work as it is intended. Only use it if you want to fuck up your text files!
Switcher (2.9 MiB, 2,144 hits)
Made by Adman. This program opens text files (including html), and replaces one or two words or phrases or whatever with whatever you want. Pretty nifty? There's a slower version included if the program freezes when you try it. It also messes up the whole file, so its more of a novelty item or something that you can use to screw up someone else's documents...
What Happens When Grandmas Die
well, they get sent back to the factory, and they have to check to see if they have been tampered with (to see if the warranty is still valid) and if it is, then you get a whole pile of money (the government takes most away) and then they grind her up, and mix her in with all the ground up grandpas, and then they mold new ones, so other kids have them, that’s why you usually don’t see your grandparents too often, they are usually ground up in a factory somewhere, and then when you call up to ask if they want to stay over for dinner, they put a priority on that grandparent, then they mold a new one, and place a speaker in their teeth, (requires special care, code named “dentures”) this speaker system allows the grandparent actors to sound like your grandparent, when they are all done with the job, they grind up the grandparent again, and then they mold someone else’s grandparent…
Old Lesbians Handing Out Cats
These two old ladys have like, 90000 cats, kittens and they are very cute and I want one. I asked, and they said ok, but my momther said, “no.”
I said, whawhahwhaaaaawhyyyyyyyyyyy they are sooooo cute and nice she said, no, and because i said so.
So i said, “boooom!” and she fell and she picked up the ballon and got up my wall is beeping beeeep beeep beeeep beeeep beeeep beeep beeep
damn
what is that
sh-
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM
damn alarm clock
Last night, my little sister and her freind came into my room and told me they had a kitten in her room. I went in and they had it in a ziplock baggie (gallon sized), which was a bit odd, she said they were gonna sneek it into her friends house, and her dad would probly let her keep it, they wouldent let it out, so in best interest of the cat I poked a few holes in the bag, (thought i saw his face change colors, heh), my sister said she got it out of some old ladys house, and I thought she had stole it, but the next day on the way to summer school, there was a sign on the garage door that said you could take them (the garage was open a bit) so I reached in and picked one up, and he was sooooooo cuuuuuuuuutttte, and this old lady came out and she was sooo olddd and sooooo cutttteeee, and (if youve seen “Happy Gilmore” you know what im talking about) she was like “Do you want a kitten”, i was like AWWWWWWWWWWWWW that was sooooo cuttttee and a small child walked up behind me (if youve experienced the magic of Sherly Temple, you know what im talking about) and she said “Can I hold her”, I was like AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW, AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWww, AWWWWWWWwWWWWWWwWWWW, then i put the cat down and speed walked away, because it was getting really weird…
I want my kitty. My cat is so good, and pretty, and nice, but she might not like a little kitten around the house and Deda knows best my cat is really cool man, im asking her if she wants a kitten around and she said, “meow.”
I want to get it. I dont know if i can just walk up and take it. I wonder if i can break in to their garage.
That day my little sister took one the other day, and gave it to her friend, it pissed me off, because her dad was just like “Oh, a cat, you cant have that.”
She said, “Why?” and hes all “Ohhh, wellllll, ok. Do you need to stop at the pet shop?”
I was like, “What the hell man”
My moms just like, “no.”
so thats why she is screwed up…
Adman’s Endless Babble
i really like those catch phrases that are not real words, or just happen to be dumb like:
waka waka waka – someone from the muppets
wa wa wa – chachi on happy days
whutyoutalkinboutwillis – arnold from different strokes
lucy, youb goss som splainin to doooo – ricky from I love lucy
waaaaaaaaa – lucy from i love lucy
wEll – sammantha (sam) from Bewitched
I smell trouble! – dog, from cat dog
I’M READY – sponge bob square pants, from eh, himself
super doppler 7 – some chick from abc 7
beltway – some chick from abc 7
mumblemumblemumble adam – my mom
i also really like breaking old computers, like a tandy 2000 i came across, the piece of scheiss didnt even tell the time correctly, so i stripped the boards for components and crushed it into powered silicon, and shot the dust, and pissed on it (my cat too, i mean, he pissed on it too, i didnt piss on her…), and then i buirried some of my dead birds with it, and… ummmm, put dirt on it….
Adman’s Killer Instinct
as I lay prone, still, almost lifeless in appearance, holding my dasiy and sighting in on the unlucky pest, I watched carefully in apprehension of being spotted, I could only take one shot, they would pinpoint me with two, trying hard to remain part of the woods, adjusting my ghillie, repositioning my grip, I took a deap breath and exhaled it slowly, an icy chill came about my whole body as if foreshadowing my fate, I took careful aim, only to stop to doulbe check my action, “a bit of dirt couldent hurt it more than to dull its luster” I told myself, another breath I took, only to exhale and hold at that point, aiming carefully I slowly pulled the trigger back, feeling the last of the slack, I let my finger tighten, hold and rechecking my aim, I finished the pull with a slight jerk, holding my aim as to make sure the shot had cleared the barell, the black mass of feathers landed with a dull thud and an explosion of others, I knew that one was all I could take today, holding my aim as I stood, slowly I drew a Beretta from my side, creeping up on the downed animial I worried much of the condition of my pistol, if it were indeed loaded, the action may be flushed with mud, a misfire could mean death, but I kept on, almost 10 yards from the beast, I slowed my pace, almost to a halt, when examining the lifeless mass more closely, it seemed most reasuring to me that this animal was totally still, foolishly I holstered my weapon and drew closer, knealing at the kill, I started at it, he lay there dead, I redrew my weapon and placed 15 rounds into the body of the bird, stuck a stick through him, and hurled his ass into my neighbors yard, hehehe
Adman: How I Feel
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and that is how i really feel.
Adman’s Hangover
woow, I am hung over because i drank a bottle of wine last night
fub fub fub fub
oi
wubwubwubwubwub
hehehe
I sound like that crab from that show, Futurama
I’m not having fun being hung over. nooo
I have a headache
and another
and another
and heres one i just found
My mouth is dry, my pee is green, my eyes are soar, my peener is hardly funcioning, I woke up before I knew something about a railroad, and I’m ummmmm, unhappy
That dream was coool
I was some little boy, and my father was sending me away on a kayak
Well
After the shooting, or it was at a school or somthing and i got a few meters off the shore and soemthing happened and i got upgraded to some really nice train but i pushed it, and it was horse driven and the track split up ahead. I hit my cat, but she was ok, but it wasnt my cat. It was something else. I dont know what cuz i woke up damn phone. Dreams are soo cool, I wish I could finish a dream once in a while I wonder what it would look like.
Would there be credits??
Kinky Stick Sex 2
Kinky Stick Sex 1
Blue Balls
Pick of Bum
Parody of the Gilligan’s Island theme song.
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Just pick that bum, and enjoy that pick,
Its quite a pick of bum,
That pick is one thats very nice, so eat a bunch of mung,
A toad once told me that i sucked, i beat him with a branch,
Off the old sic-a-more, that made me laugh and prance,
Made me laugh and prance,
That bum was red and sore my freind, stopping’s well advised,
Just then that toad came to mind, now im lots less kind,
Now im lots less kind,
That bum was beaten many times, o’ many times indeed,
Oh beating it!
With a stick!
Red and green guts!
That toad was dead,
But whoopsy whoops,
Its a bum,
Oh its a bum indeeeeeeeed!
Green Poopies
Parody of the Green Acres theme song.
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Green poopies is a dreaded disease,
Pain will come, welp, on very swift wings,
I cant imagine haveing green poop,
Darlin’ I’m sorry but poop is poop,
–green poop
–whoop whoop
–pain there
–where where
Poop is poop, yes this may be,
But you are my bung hole,
You’re comin’ with me!
A Man Named Stan
A man, a man,
A man named Stan,
A real cool tan,
Old stan had,
A tan, a tan,
A tan on stan,
A perminant ban,
On old stans tan,
Stan, the man,
Got hit with a pan,
Poor old Stan,
Doing the can can,
Stand Stan, the man,
Stand to the can can,
Bew dew dew dew da dew da do do da dew dew dew dew doooo,
Whoooahh, stan, (thheeee maaaan)
Had that tan, (whoaaaah that taaaannn, honey, lord!)
Whoooah-A-O-O-AHHHH, perminant ban, (praise that ban honey!, praise it!)
Caa-a-a-a-aAAHH-AN, CAN!, (honey, shake it lord, go, have mercy!)
Pan, baby, Pan!, (look out for that pan baby!)
Look at it, no, lord, have mercy, theres a time for everything baby,
AaaaAAAAAANNNNDDDdd
Lord! (Looooooooooord)
Let me say this to all the home boys, makin noise,
We’re gonna go crazy with this hon! (lord!)
WoooooahhahOAOAHHH!!
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Have it honey (mercy, babe)
Bewwwwwwwwww…..