safru – n. a speech given at a wedding that gets a “That’s it?” as a reaction from someone in the audience
juentud – n. a wedding that takes place in a classroom
Ex. We were supposed to take our history test today but someone thought it would be a good idea to have a juentud instead.
In the future, I will marry a girl.
My uncle Louie brought the food, but we didn’t have an uncle Louie.
Everyone dances because the wedding will be very dumb.
The photographer took pictures of the cake.
The old people said their weddings were better. I shot them with tranquilizers, and that was that.
“I have no doubt he loves you because he has chosen you to be his life, and special partner, and wife, for the rest of his life.”
– the preacher dude in a wedding video davepoobond is editing
“Now, as Peter’s older brother, umm… I’m basically known him since he was born. Basically his entire life.”
– Paul, Peter’s brother. From a wedding video davepoobond was editing.
Mary had a little lamb.
She took it to a wedding
Ttied it to a lamp post
And kicked its fucking head in
Q: Why do melons always have big weddings?
A: Because they cantaloupe!
National Friends’-Parents’-Wedding-Anniversary Day – n. a holiday that occurs on November 5th
National Wedding Anniversary Day – n. a holiday that occurs on July 5th.
I realized that my five-year-old grandson had been watching too many reality TV shows the day we attended a relative’s wedding.
As the four bridesmaids walked down the aisle toward the front of the church, he turned to me and asked, “Is this where the groom decides which one he wants to marry?”
Carole was planning her upcoming wedding and asked to wear her mother’s wedding gown.
When she tried it on, it was a perfect fit on her petite frame. Suddenly, her mother’s eyes filled with tears. Putting an arm around her, Carole lovingly said, “Don’t cry, Mom. Remember, you aren’t losing a daughter, you’re gaining a son.”
“Oh, forget about that!” her mother sobbed. “I used to fit into that gown!”
My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage. He told me that he knew as early as their wedding what marriage to my Mom would be like.
The way he tells it, the minister asked my Mom, “Do you take this man to be your husband.” And she said, “I do.”
Then the minister asked my Dad, “Do you take this woman to be your wife,” and my Mom said, “He does.”
My wife and I received a lovely trophy as a wedding gift from a friend. But upon closer inspection, we noticed that the plaque seemed to reveal some dark, previously hidden secret.
There were only two lines on the engraving, and no punctuation. Read together, it said, “May the Lord Bless You and Keep You From Mary Blevin.”
Although we were being married in New Hampshire, I wanted to add a touch of my home state, Kansas, to the wedding.
My fiancee, explaining this to a friend, said that we were planning to have wheat rather than rice thrown after the ceremony.
Our friend thought for a moment. Then he said solemnly, “It’s a good thing she’s not from Idaho.”
Every year on their wedding anniversary my boss, Woody, and his wife celebrated by staying at the same resort hotel.
On their 25th anniversary they booked their usual room. But when the hotel’s bell captain escorted them upstairs, they were in for a big surprise. “There must be some mistake,” Woody said. “This looks like the bridal suite.”
“It’s okay,” the bell captain reassured him. “If I put you in the ballroom, that doesn’t mean you have to dance.”