Destination Primus Vita – Episode 1: Austin

Developer: Epsilon Games | Publisher: Green Man Gaming Publishing || Overall: 8.5/10

Destination Primus Vita – Episode 1: Austin is one of those games you’ll always have to copy and paste their full name because it’s too long.  When you have to have a dash AND a colon, you know you’re in for a “trip.”  Destination Primus Vita aims to be an episodic series of introspective analyses of characters who are off to fight the good fight against water-stealing rock aliens.  But enough about those aliens.  The real point of the game, at least with this episode, is the surrealistic simulation that our first character Austin is put through during cryosleep on a 4 year space trip.

While there are puzzles and exploration involved throughout, some fairly complex and unique, the main focus is obviously on the story.  The story is actually written pretty well, to my surprise, and is leagues ahead of the game I reviewed earlier this year, called The Station.  I was fully expecting it to go full ham or make some stupid political point, but it ended up just being a nice story wrapped in a science fiction foil.  The characters we were introduced to were all unique and also written very well.

At times, the puzzles were actually pretty complex and really made you sit and think about how to complete them.  There is also a nice variety of the type of tasks you have to do, even with some being timed.  As you complete certain rooms, you are introduced to memories in Austin’s past.  This changes the pace of the game as you take “breaks” from the main task at hand of researching armor to fight the “Shattered.”  During these interludes you’ll have to “make sense” of the memory by discovering details.  Some details do not appear until others are found, which can make these parts feel a little more linear.

Dialogue choices occasionally come up when conversing with other characters, prompting you to choose the correct ones to “progress” Austin with her relationships with them.  There doesn’t seem to be a payoff for getting these answers correct other than hearing what they say.  There might be some sort of point to this system once more episodes are released, but sometimes these things don’t come to pass with episodic games…

The puzzles usually require you to collect a set of clues to help you complete them.  There is always an exploration area that allows you to roam around, find clues, interact with the other characters, and find “mementos” that give information about the lore of the game, which is quite developed.  The developers took the time and care to create an interesting story and think through the aspects of how the events that occurred affected human civilization.   The only laughable thing is that despite rock monsters stealing practically all of the water from Earth, 400 years later the humans are still trying to find them and take back their water… without much of a plan.  It sort of doesn’t make much sense as they’ve been able to survive 400 years, have intergalactic space travel, and probably could just get water from comets or create it by collecting hydrogen and oxygen.  There’s a lot of those chemicals in the universe, by the way.  So it does seem a bit petty so long afterwards to go after the aliens “for the water,” when the goal of hunting down the Shattered should have been a bit more grander than that.  But, I digress.

The art, voice acting, and sound design really compliments everything else that’s going on.  The surreal mind program simulation thing ends up being a really unique storytelling device and a good excuse to just put whatever the fuck they want into the game.  The functional purpose of having Austin experience this simulation slowly reveals itself; it certainly didn’t make sense why they were doing it at the beginning of the story.  Many of the rooms started to utilize 3D space in such a way that walls became the floor and the ceiling would eventually be where the next section of the level was.  I was starting to get a headache with all of the angle turning, which doesn’t usually happen, but if you get motion sickness it can potentially be unpleasant.  As an aside, Austin’s voice actor reminded me of Claudia Christian from Babylon 5, which I am currently trying to get through.

Despite some of the misgivings about where the story may eventually lead, I did enjoy this title quite a bit for what it was.  It was a quick play of about three hours, but your mileage will vary.  It could probably be done in two hours.  I’m really looking forward to what’s coming next and hopefully the writers don’t get lazy along the way, otherwise it’ll be yet another episodic series that should never have been episodic.

 

Odin Shops Hat Commercial

(Julia is hiding under a rock)

Johnathon Huxworthy: Hey Julia, why are you hiding under that rock?

Julia: Shhh!  The sun might hear me!

Johnathon Huxworthy: Which sun?

Julia: The big bright one that shoots those rays of light at my face!  That guy is so mean!

Johnathon Huxworthy: You know, Julia, if you wore a hat from Odin Shops you wouldn’t have to be afraid of the sun and get out from under that rock.

Julia: Wow… I never thought of that.

Johnathon Huxworthy: Obviously…

Julia: You know what else is kinda hot?

Johnathon Huxworthy: I haven’t the slightest —

Julia: You.

Johnathon Huxworthy: Oh… Kay…

Julia: I think there’s space underneath this rock for both of us.

Johnathon Huxworthy: Yeah, you see, I’m not into girls who hide under rocks.  See ya.

Julia: I feel so alone.

Sun: Hey Julia, I can keep you company.

(end)

 

 

#22497: Automatic Man -> davepoobond

Automatic Man messaged me what I had written on Squackle as an update…

Automatic Man: Yesterday, I was driving on a freeway back from KFC, with a large (the really big one) box of Popcorn Chicken (mmh mmh do I love Popcorn Chicken) when all of a sudden something brown flew through the air and then smashed into my windwhield and made two huge holes in it. Glass flew everywhere, and I don’t know what the hell it was or whether someone threw it or if it got thrown up by another car’s tires. If it was someone throwing it, I want to kill them, because now I have to replace the windshield of the Turbo Diesel Ground Force (the name of my car).

Automatic Man: ahahahaaha

Automatic Man: it was me!

davepoobond: wtf?

davepoobond: what are you talkin about

davepoobond: you didn’t throw that shit

Automatic Man: shhh! yes i did

davepoobond: what was it then

Automatic Man: a big brown thing, possibly a rock

davepoobond: unh hunh..

Automatic Man: its true

davepoobond: why aren’t you more specific

Automatic Man: cuz i was high at the time

Automatic Man: because i got high

Automatic Man: becuase i got high

davepoobond: i saw you right after i came into the school parking lot, jackass

Auto response from Automatic Man: stupid research paper! brb

Automatic Man: ya i drive and run just that fast

Automatic Man: mmm english muffin

Automatic Man: >:o

davepoobond: english muffins are good toasted

davepoobond: you know what else is good toasted?

davepoobond: the En Vogue CD “funky DIVAS”

Automatic Man: lol

Automatic Man: i had a toasted english muffin with yogurt butter on it (its like butter, but made from yogurt so its not as bad for you)

davepoobond: yeah i have that yogurt butter crap too

davepoobond: its good

davepoobond: better than substitute shit

Automatic Man: brummel and brown baby

davepoobond: yeahhh!

davepoobond: me too

davepoobond: the big ol’ tubs

Automatic Man: its good shit

Automatic Man: i have a small 1

davepoobond: we used to get small ones

Automatic Man: but we dont use it that much

davepoobond: they stopped sellin them small or something

davepoobond: there’s these tubs

davepoobond: that last about a month or something

Automatic Man: hmmm

davepoobond: around here anyway

Automatic Man: like a regular size butter 1? or the gigantic dave size TUBs?

davepoobond: you know the “i can’t believe its not butter” tubs

davepoobond: that size

Automatic Man: ya

Automatic Man: thats wut i have

Automatic Man: bout 3 inches in diamter

davepoobond: its a pound

Automatic Man: hmm

Automatic Man: i dunno

davepoobond: it says what it weighs on there

Automatic Man: but were having too deep a conversation about butter

davepoobond: its not butter

davepoobond: its 35% veggie oil

Automatic Man: whatever the hell it is

davepoobond: 25% yogurt

davepoobond: and the rest is butter i guess

Automatic Man: lol

davepoobond: do you know who En Vogue is

Automatic Man: singer?

davepoobond: no

davepoobond: its a group

davepoobond: of 4 black females

Automatic Man: oh

Automatic Man: o well

davepoobond: there’s a movie named “duets”

davepoobond: and i have the soundtrack for some reason

davepoobond: it has the guy from big fat liar that was colored blue

davepoobond: i dont know his name

Automatic Man: o

davepoobond: did you finish your research paper

Automatic Man: not yet

Automatic Man: almost

davepoobond: i’ve got 8 pgs

davepoobond: 8 full pgs

Automatic Man: oh

Automatic Man: well

Automatic Man: see right now im using wordpad cuz this POS comp doesnt have word so i have to move it to my good comp after i finish so i can actually break it down into PAGES

davepoobond: heh

davepoobond: the spice girls are kinda funny

Auto response from Automatic Man: id like to talk, but im on the home stretch of my research paper, and i wanna finish soon

 

Joke #18646

Harry teed up, addressed his ball and took a magnificent swing, but something went wrong and he hit a wicked slice.  The ball left the fairway he was playing, and went onto the adjoining one where it hit a man full in the face. He dropped like a rock!

Rushing over to the man, Harry and his partner found him unconscious, and with the ball lying between his feet.

“Oh my God!” exclaimed Harry, “What should we do?”

“I’m not sure.” said his partner. “But don’t move him! If we just leave him here he’s an immovable obstruction and you can either play the ball from where it lies, or drop it two club lengths away without penalty.”

 

Joke #18068

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.”

So next Sunday he took the monsignor’s advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1. Sip the vodka, don’t gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and the spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don’t say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the “Big T.”
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, “Take this and eat it for it is my body.” He did not say, “Eat me.”
12. The Virgin Mary is not called, “Mary with the Cherry.”
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter’s not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s.