tuveuseroc – n. a rock that looks like at least four different presidents, depending on the angle you look at it
Happy Founder’s Day everyone! It has been 22 years since anyone last cared about it, but TODAY is the day we do!
Today we have Unnamedhero joining us on the show.
We talk about the Angry Birds movie trailer a bit, which leads to a discussion about reality shows, somehow.
The Pope is in town and we talk about that a little bit. I don’t care about religion that much, so here’s some picture.
Oh, Pope Francis! You so great!
Twenty Eleven or Two thousand and eleven? We spend like 10 minutes talking about how to say numbers.
We skip to John Boehner and talk about how big of a cry baby he is.
I’m gonna miss one thing about Mr. Boner. Well, two.
We go into the Republican debates/controversies a bit. I bring up my Twitter interactions with random crazy conservatives who are outraged over renamed mountains and clocks.
We also announce the new Apple clothing store, iRack. Only black shirts. Then somehow Billy knows random actors who wear all black.
We go over some presidential predictions, and then go into some Fall TV talk. Gotham is back. This leads into a bigger discussion about plotlines and story in comic book TV shows and movies. James Bond stuff comes up. Billy saw the new Fantastic Four. We talk about it.
We go over super heroes and what their party affiliations would probably be. The consensus may surprise you on some of the famous heroes!
That’s it for today! Hopefully the next episode isn’t too far away…
“The cause of the explosion happened, because the president of the U.S. didn’t want to take the insults in anymore.”
– davepoobond, for a 7th grade writing assignment
During the Cold War, the United States fought communist threats in Turkey and Beef, while the Soviet Union found allies in the four Middle Eastern countries of Zimbabwe and South Africa. In 1967, Israel won the stinky poop from Syria, East Jerusalem and the West Bank from Chuck E. Cheese, and the swap meet and Sinai Peninsula from Argentina.
Israel refused to give up these territories until Arab nations recognized their right to have indoor plumbing. Meanwhile, the PTA waged guerrilla war against Israelis both at home and abroad. When the Soviet Union collapsed in 1991, the peace process was accelerated because everyone just wanted to sit down and eat pizza. In 1993, a historic agreement was signed between Chuck E. Cheese and Barney the Dinosaur. People on both sides criticized the agreement as world leaders worked hard to bring peace to the region.
In Lebanon, the government depended on a delicate balance among beer and margaritas. When beer began to outnumber margaritas, unrest spread. In 1975, civil war broke out in Lebanon. Not until 1990 did Lebanese leaders finally restore some order.
In the Persian Gulf, tensions were fed by the Public Broadcasting Service showing Sesame Street. Then, in 1980, Iraqi dictator Stinky Stewssein attacked Iran. The war lasted eight years and both sides suffered heavy casualties. Stewssein again acted aggressively in 1990 when he sent Iraqi troops into Bahrain.
United States President George Bush organized American, European, and Arab forces to drive Iraq out of Bahrain. For years after the war, UN economic assing stopped Iraq from selling its oil abroad. The goal was force Stewssein to stop making stinky stew and vegetable oil.
davepoobond is on a dating site… and then…
davepoobond: how’s it going
DonutLover: slowly..tired but not sleepy…
DonutLover: hows your night going
davepoobond: not bad, just trying to waste the last couple of hours of the day before going to sleep
DonutLover: i hear ya
DonutLover: how has this site been for you
davepoobond: pretty crappy actually, dont really get many interactions from people
davepoobond: you’re the 2nd person to actually say more than 1 thing to me heh
davepoobond: how about for you
DonutLover: hah, same deal, i look through these profiles and mostly find myself thinking …why does he have his shirt off or what a retard…i know…harsh critic
davepoobond: i see nothing but variations of “please keep your shirt on” or stuff like that on girls profiles
davepoobond: yeah, its getting kinda boring at this point. i dont see any girls without their shirts on, so i’m wondering what i’m missing
DonutLover: im pretty sure theres some sluty gals around….put some effort into looking davepoobond
davepoobond: hahah well that was a joke 😛
DonutLover: “no”,,,,,”really”….?! lol
davepoobond: so whats your favorite kind of doughnut
DonutLover: Jelly filled…what about you
davepoobond: as long as it doesnt taste like carrots
davepoobond: ive had one that tasted like carrots, it was very confusing
DonutLover: carrots?…were you high?
DonutLover: Kidding kidding
davepoobond: no, it was the morning, so might as well have been
DonutLover: So…how was your monday
davepoobond: it was a normal monday i suppose. went to work and then came back home and watched some netflix
davepoobond: how about yours
DonutLover: well..didnt have to work..apparently its a presidents bday or something..but i did have to go fix some major paperwork mistakes i hid earlier in the week
DonutLover: what do you do for milk money kiddo
davepoobond: well uh Martin Luther King wasn’t a president, but i guess that’s close enough haha 😛
DonutLover: im glad you get my sarcasm..o.0
davepoobond: just makin sure!
davepoobond: i do video editing for an investigations company and freelance video editing as well on the side
DonutLover: dot dot dot..lol
davepoobond: very. i’ve always been good with computers, and i love to act smart about things people dont know about, and no one knows anything about video, so therein lies where i make money
davepoobond: and i can rub it in people’s faces too and its easier to act like i know what im doing
DonutLover: arent you charming…hah, i must say i am jealous of tech geeks…there so useful..them and wilderness firefighters..
davepoobond: are you around a lot of fires in the wilderness?
DonutLover: no..but i mean..knowing me..im pretty sure..itll happen
davepoobond: guess it’d be good to keep a pocket fire extinguisher then
DonutLover: they have those?
davepoobond: sure. imagination makes anything possible.
DonutLover: hmmmm….itd be less weight if i just brought a wilderness ff along though
davepoobond: but how would he fit in your pocket
DonutLover: obviously gamers dudes dont use logics much..eh davebond
DonutLover: id carry him on my back
davepoobond: how long have you had a profile for
DonutLover: not sure..i made it along time ago.and havent been on in a while…
davepoobond: into any movies at all?
DonutLover: classics…what are you into
DonutLover: agh…thats specific
davepoobond: i was a film major, so there isn’t a movie that i can’t or won’t watch
davepoobond: the absolute worst movie i have ever seen was Da Hip Hop Witch
davepoobond: and i almost turned it off it was so terrible
DonutLover: why were you even watching it?
davepoobond: whats your favorite classic movie then
davepoobond: cause i heard Eminem was in it, and that it was supposed to be a parody of The Blair Witch Project
davepoobond: and i thought he was going to be going through the woods with some middle schoolers
davepoobond: but it was nothing like that at all
DonutLover: hahahaha…goodness….i like how that appeals to you..well my classics are not the norms of the designated, i just prefer black and whites, anything with spencer tracey and older war flics..
davepoobond: spencer tracey huh.
DonutLover: for some reason i have no interest in modern comedy..like those bachlor films
DonutLover: tracy gable wayne..i know im a patriot
davepoobond: touch of evil and philadelphia are a couple of ones ive seen that i like
davepoobond: citizen kane until the end was great. i thought the ending was dumb
DonutLover: ive never seen citizen kane
DonutLover: what happens at the ending
davepoobond: geez i cant spoil the ending for you
davepoobond: there’d be no point in watching it
DonutLover: help a stranger out
DonutLover: odds are….youll enjoy it
davepoobond: enjoy what?
davepoobond: spoiling a movie?
DonutLover: haha….fine ill google it
davepoobond: at least im not the catalyst
DonutLover: you and your big words
DonutLover: i concure
davepoobond: making up words now? awkward
DonutLover: awkwardly awesome
davepoobond: that was actually an inside joke.
davepoobond: cause i’ve made about oh i dont know… 6000 words
DonutLover: and how far has that got ya craphead
davepoobond: i dont know, ill let you know when it gets me somewhere
DonutLover: haha…so i guess well never know then
davepoobond: i found this one girl’s profile where she says she wouldnt mind sleeping on a grave for a first date
DonutLover: shes a keeper
She leaves the chat. Apparently she wasn’t very interested.
Q: Why was Saddam so happy when a woman became president?
A: She said he could make his bombs as long as he didn’t use them!
malaky: And then I kill you.
malaky: I didn’t kill you yet. Come back to life.
Toby: *cast Life level 3*
malaky: now die.
malaky: Very well, now that you are dead, come back to life and discuss 19th Century politics with me.
Toby: *cast Life level 3*
malaky: The Whig Party: Why couldn’t they elect a president that would live?
Toby: It’s damn near impossible.
Toby: All of our presidents have been Masons.
Toby: Except Kennedy, who was killed for not being a Mason.
malaky: You bring a good point, but what did slavery have to do with it all?
Toby: Masons used to be all about slavery until they finally let African Americans become Masons. Then it was all over.
malaky: The downfall of humanity, you mean?
Toby: I’d say so.
malaky: Then let me ask this: Who made John Travolta a star?
Toby: I would imagine that was not an act of the Masons, but someone sold their soul for that one.
malaky: Wouldn’t that be two souls? The man came close to an Oscar.
Toby: Nah, Oscars are the work of Masons.
malaky: And the Billboard Music Awards?
Toby: Nah, that stuff’s just retarded.
malaky: Then why haven’t the Masons killed Osama Bin Laden yet?
Toby: they’re workin’ on that.
Toby: they gotta get the European Masons more involved.
malaky: Damn them to hell.
malaky: Damn them…….to hell.
Toby: Oh, they’re waiting.
Toby: They’ve got a meeting in hell in 2015
malaky: Really? Hell? I thought they closed down that convention hall after the Nazis tried reforming again.
Toby: Nah, they reformed it.
malaky: Oh. Bummer.
malaky: You a member?
Toby: If I were, I wouldn’t be able to tell you I was unless you were one.
malaky: I see your point.
malaky: Toby, is Tina Fey hot?
Toby: Hello Fellow Mason.
Toby: *does the handshake*
Toby: *whew* I was wondering when you’d say the password.
malaky: I take my time.
Toby: That’s good. So how’s the business?
Toby: just what we like to hear!
malaky: I’m being prosecuted, so I’m fleeing jurisdiction.
Toby: Where to?
malaky: Now if I told you, wouldn’t that be breaking one of the cardinal rules?
Toby: nope, unless you were going somewhere other than the designated Mason refugee camps.
malaky: Oh. In that case, I am going to one of the designated refugee camps.
malaky: And if people ask, my name is Father Hernotwith and I have been holy my entire life.
Toby: We wouldn’t have it any other way.
malaky: I’ve also considered hiding in a dishwasher.
Toby: Ooh, primo choice. What kind of soap will you be using?
malaky: I haven’t decided yet.
Toby: May I suggest Pine?
malaky: You may.
malaky: But I’m still selling my child for food money.
Toby: those food stamps are worth a lot.
malaky: Is 50 a good price?
Toby: Per stamp, yes.
Toby: I’d shoot for 55, though.
Toby: Just say “you’re breakin my balls here.”
malaky: For good measure, I’d actually break their balls in return right?
Toby: Oh ya, but it was supposed to be a threat.
malaky: In that case, I’m sleeping with your mother’s favorite goat.
malaky: And we’re expecting.
Toby: Shultzy doesn’t understand Masonry.
malaky: You can’t deny my love for the goat forever you know.
malaky: sometimes, when I’m asleep at night, I dream of a new basement. Is this abnormal?
Toby: Not in the least.
malaky: And it has three TVs. What does this symbolize.
Toby: you like TV?
malaky: Actually, I like the refrigerator more.
malaky: Dude, food just appears in that thing.
Toby: Food is SOOOO good!
malaky: One time, I ate so much food that I ate more.
malaky: I’d just like to say that Harry Potter is a hermaphrodite.
Toby: He told me personally.
malaky: Good news should be spread.
Toby: I’ll kill that fucker.
malaky: If you do, pick up Dave Matthews on the way.
malaky: And we’ll hold hands, sit in a circle, and declare how manly we are.
Toby: i hate that fucker.
malaky: I think I love citrus. Is there something wrong with me?
Toby: Citrus is a flavor for all.
If bathroom graffiti were written in such a way that it was “intellectual” you might see stuff like this…
Cindy Lou Edleman Performs Quality Sexual Favors.
Your Mother and Father Are of the Same Genetic Background.
Mexicans Smell Vaguely of Jalapenos.
Last Night You Enjoyed Carnal Pleasures With Your Sister.
Your Intelligence Quota is Dubious at Best.
For a Moderate Fee I Believe Your Mother Would Fellate Me.
You Have Had Intimate Relations With a Person of African Descent and You Shall Never Know the Love of a Caucasian Again.
You Look Upon Your Dog With Lust.
Methinks You Have the Odor of Fecal Matter Upon You.
I Partook in Intercourse with Your Sister’s Derriere.
The Acne on Your Face Spreads Throughout Your Nether Regions.
The People of France Know Not the Joys of Deodorant.
A Hamster is Superior in Intelligence to Your Mother.
For An Evening of Sordid Delights Involving Both Sadism and Masochism, Please Ring Mary at 212.555.5555.
Ryan Beaugarde is Inadequate in the Ways of Oral Enjoyment.
The Heavy Metal Rock Band Entitled Motley Crue is Quite First-Rate.
Your Sexually Promiscuous Mother Can Be Found in the Phone Book Under “Whore.”
Homosexuals Are Men Who Have Intercourse With Other Men. If You Participate in Such Activities You Are A Homosexual.
Your Father’s Proclivities Lead Him to Engage in Relations with Livestock.
President Bush is Missing a Chromosome.
The Toilet Upon Which You Currently Sit is Sprayed with a Mixture of Vomit, Feces and Urine.
Rachel has just written a book called Heil in the Freaky Jugs. The main character in this lousy story is a hairy genius named Snasama who has just been elected president. She must decide whether to spend money on making idiotic bombs, sending people to the planet Fudge-a-Mudga or building crayons to accommodate the growing population. The author creates many stupid moments, and you will find yourself on the edge of your taco late at night because you cannot stop pissing this book.
Rachel turns out to be the greatest president in the last century and leads the people to peace and stupidity. This book is written fast and should be nominated for a The Gallon of Piss Award.
Harry Truman, when he was U.S President, once addressed the Washington Garden Club and kept referring to ‘good manure’ that must be used on flowers.
Some society ladies complained (later) to the First Lady Margaret Truman, “Bess, can’t you get the President to say fertilizer instead of manure?”
The First Lady replied, “Heavens, it took me 25 years to get him to say ‘manure’.”
15. To Kill A Walking Bird
14. My Best Friend’s Dressing
13. Thighs Wide Shut
12. The Texas Coleslaw Massacre
10. The Fabulous Baster Boys
9. 12 Hungry Men
8. Silence of the Yams
7. For Love of The Game Hen
6. I Know What You Ate Last Winter
5. All the President’s Menu
4. White Meat Can’t Jump
3. When Harry Met Salad
2. The Story of U.S.
1. The Wing and I
10. You ate the turkey, the pop-up thermometer and the plastic net.
9. Last thing you remember is positioning your open mouth behind a dump truck full of yams.
8. All your silverware is worn down to tiny stumps.
7. While picking your teeth, you dislodge an angry construction worker.
6. Strangers keep addressing you as “Mr. President.”
5. This morning, the display on your bathroom scale read “Good Lord!”
4. You now have an butt the size of Plymouth Rock.
3. People keep looking at you and saying, “I thought the Macy’s Parade was over.”
2. Your relatives can’t go home because they’re stuck in your gravitational field.
1. You’re sweatin’ gravy, my friend!
A woman went on a tour of the White House. As the guide led her down one of the historic halls, a door burst open and a large aquatic sea mammal, balancing a beach ball on its nose, scurried past. “My, what was that?” exclaimed the woman.
“Oh, that’s just the Presidential Seal,” replied the guide.
Q: What do you call four stone presidents with a skin condition?
A: Mount Rashmore (Rushmore).
Q: Which famous president do hot dogs love best?
A: Frank-lin D. Rolls-evelt!