You Know You’re At the Wrong Party When…

1. …you’re the first to leave.  And it’s your party.

2. …all the refreshments are pink and red to match the valentine theme.

3. …they show a movie in the middle of the party, and the star is a big purple dinosaur.

4. …the invitation says “dance party,” and everyone is dressed in pink leotards and ballet slippers.

5. …after waiting all night for the really cute guy or girl to ask you to dance, you have to say “NO!” because you have to get home before curfew.

6. …you’re forced to play musical chairs all night, even at the dinner table.

 

Sewing Your Wound

Johnny was working at his mother’s sewing machine, putting together an outfit for the school party.  He was working diligently, carefully sewing together the sleeves and the cuffs.  When he saw his favorite video come on TV, he decided to take a shortcut to save time, but ended up sewing over his finger, a wound that required nine stitches.

Moral of the story? A stitch in time saves nine.

 

Joke #9182

A man wants to celebrate his wife’s birthday by throwing a party.  So he goes to order a birthday cake. The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake.

Well he thinks for a while and says let’s put, “You are not getting older you are getting better”.

The salesman asks “How do you want me to put it?”

The man says, “Well put ‘You are not getting older,’ at the top and ‘You are getting better’ at the bottom. ”

The real fun didn’t start until the cake box was opened and the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake “You are not getting older at the top. You are getting better at the bottom!”

 

Insta-Pantie Party Spray

(Insta-Pantie Party Man is dancing with a bunch of girls. He stops, but the girls keep dancing. All the girls are down to their underwear, as well as Insta-Pantie Party Man. It looks like he has at least 20 pairs of women’s panties on)

(Insta-Pantie Party Man snaps his fingers, and all the girls disappear)

 

Insta-Pantie Party Man: Hello, would you like this to be your everyday life? If so, listen on!

 

(Insta-Pantie Party Man walks to a different part of his house)

 

Insta-Pantie Party Man: Hi. I’m Insta-Pantie Party Man, and I’m going to tell you about a new discovery in the very interesting field of Pantie Pary Research.

 

(Insta-Pantie Party Man takes out a bottle from his panties and displays it, pointing at it with his free hand)

 

Insta-Pantie Party Man: Introducing the all new Insta-Pantie Party Spray! Just spray…

 

(Insta-Pantie Party Man sprays a little and hot girl appears out of nowhere in her panties, dancing)

 

Insta-Pantie Party Man: -and you instantly have a Pantie Party! Just keep spraying, and you get more! We have several types of Insta-Pantie Party Sprays available. We’ll have them scroll the screen really fast, so get your pens ready!

 

(scrolling really fast)

12 year old and under Insta-Pantie Party Spray

Teenager Insta-Pantie Party Spray

20 – 30 years old Insta-Pantie Party Spray

Mid Life Crisis Insta-Pantie Party Spray

“Middle Aged” Insta-Pantie Party Spray

Senior Insta-Pantie Party Spray

Friggin Old Insta-Pantie Party Spray

“I just can’t get it up, but maybe this will work” Insta-Pantie Party Spray

Dogs Insta-Pantie Party Spray

Giraffes Insta-Pantie Party Spray

Hippos Insta-Pantie Party Spray

and all new Clown Insta-Pantie Party Spray, and Pirate Insta-Pantie Party Spray

 

Insta-Pantie Party Man: all these come in male, female, hemaphrodite, transexual, bisexual male, bisexual female, trisexual, and trisexual with goozaks. You can find them at any Pool and Spa stores

 

(end)

 

The George Carlin Theory

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death. What’s that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you’re too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating. . .you finish off as an orgasm.

 

The Crowded Quad…

As I walked around the crowded quad with my friend Christina, I noticed that next to the wall grew a beautiful flower called a rose. So I sat down on a nearby bench, and started to study this wonderful plant. I found out a couple interesting facts about this rose. For example, it smelled like a perfume that my mother wears to a party or to her work. It has spiky thorns located on its stem, and has the color pink and red in its petals. Later, I saw a bug on a lunch table that scared Christina and me because we had not seen such a bug before. It had a lime green body with six legs, three on each side of its body. It jumped about three inches high into the air, kind of like a baby cricket.

A couple of feet away from the bug there lay a trash can, in the dirt next to some grass and weeds. The trash can became covered in dirt from the wind. It used to smell like rubber, but now it smells like trash. I saw some kids squash it a couple of days ago, which can destroy the environment. I smelled many things in the quad that I did not notice until I really gave it some thought. For example, the air smelled of a hot dog which came from the snack shop. The trees smelled of pine.

I’ve learned that there are many smells in not only the quad but everywhere in the world. There are also plants, little tiny creatures, interesting smells, and many other things on this Earth, that we need to take some time to think about. For all we know, those facts that we came up with will be very handy in our future.