#23299: davepoobond -> SexiLilFreek096

davepoobond: WAIT A SECOND

davepoobond: DID YOU JUST SAY YOU WERE OUT OF SCHOOL

SexiLilFreek096: ok

davepoobond: IN THE CHAT ROOM

SexiLilFreek096: ya y ?

davepoobond: cause

davepoobond: umm

davepoobond: hi

SexiLilFreek096: well hi

davepoobond: well hi!

davepoobond: hi hi hi

SexiLilFreek096: hi hi hi

SexiLilFreek096: ssry

davepoobond: sore

SexiLilFreek096: so were do u live

davepoobond: in my own world

davepoobond: called hell

davepoobond: i’m Satan, didn’t you know?

SexiLilFreek096: well if ur on the comp who’s watchin ova hell

davepoobond: hold on

SexiLilFreek096: ok

davepoobond: i think its Bob Hope’s shift right now

SexiLilFreek096: lol

SexiLilFreek096: r u outa skool

davepoobond: uhh yeah…i’ve been outta “skool” since i fell from Heaven

davepoobond: i got really bad grades

davepoobond: so i fell out of it

SexiLilFreek096: sure

SexiLilFreek096: im out till january 5th

davepoobond: yay

davepoobond: i’m out for eternity

davepoobond: y’know, being Satan and all

davepoobond: God doesn’t really want me back

SexiLilFreek096: o ya i c how it is

davepoobond: its a real bitch

SexiLilFreek096: well if ur satin u maust a’ got bad bad grades cause u cant spell ur own name

davepoobond: uhh

davepoobond: do you know what “satin” is?

davepoobond: “satin” is a type of textile

davepoobond: people WEAR satin

SexiLilFreek096: ya i no that

davepoobond: oh ok. glad we’re on the same page

SexiLilFreek096: ok

davepoobond: gonna go torture some more souls

davepoobond: see ya later

davepoobond: by the way, go to www.squackle.com its got lots of stuff made by me (Satan). its an orgrasm

SexiLilFreek096: ight ur on my bl is that kool

davepoobond: sure ok

SexiLilFreek096: bye ttyl

 

First the Worst

This is the version of the playground rhyme that I remember from my elementary school.  There are obviously a lot of variations.

First the worst

Second the best

Third the nerd

Fourth the one with the hairy chest

Fifth the bitch

Sixth the snitch

Seventh goes to heaven

Eighth goes naked

 

Joke #18665

A church-going cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.

The next morning a cow walked up carrying the Bible in it’s mouth. The cowboy couldn’t believe his eyes!

He took the book out of the cow’s mouth, raised his eyes heaven-ward and exclaimed, “Praise God! It’s a miracle!”

“Not really….” said the cow. “Your name was written inside the cover.”

 

Joke #13285

A millionaire who’d been bad all of his life was nearing the end of his time on earth and wanted to wipe the slate clean.  To make amends for his evil ways, he donated a lot of money to a local church and had a meeting with the minister to discuss the possibility of getting into heaven.

Since the man had spent most of his life being evil, the minister couldn’t really assure him he’d get into heaven, but he didn’t want to disappoint the man and lose a big contributor.  Being diplomatic, the minister sized up the millionaire’s chances like this:

“Mr. Smith, when it comes to riding on the heavenly railroad, think of yourself as a standby passenger.”

 

Joke #12086

An Air Force fighter pilot radioed the tower the following: “Pilot to tower.  Plane on fire.  Almost out of fuel and I’m over the ocean 75 miles out at 900 feet.  Radio me instructions.  What should I do?”

To which the tower replied: “Base to pilot.  Repeat after me …. Our Father, who art in heaven ….”

 

Joke #11345

David dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter says, “How did things go for you back on Earth?”

David says, “Not too bad. I left a wife, 3 kids, a pretty good bank balance, no mortgage, and my wife will get another 100,000 from the insurance.”

“Great,” says St Peter, “What was it you did while you were alive?”

“Oh, I was in Real estate.”

“Oh good, come on in” says the Saint.

Bruce follows David up to the pearly gates and gets the same sort of welcome and questions.

“Yes, well I left a wife and two kids, a little house in the suburbs, a few dollars in the bank, car’s paid for and they should be OK with things.”

“Oh good, come on in.”

Billy was next in line and gets the questions from the old guy.

“Yes, well I left my 4th wife, most of my gears in the Cash Converters, cars rooted, never did quite make it to where I really thought I should have been.”

“Oh well,” says St. Peter.

“And which band was it that you played with?”