Q: What is a ghoul’s favorite holiday song?
A: The Holly and the Poison Ivy.
Tag Archives: Halloween
Joke #13717
Q: What is Count Dracula’s favorite time of the year?
A: The fright before Christmas.
Joke #12878
Did you hear about the judge who got so tipsy at a Halloween party, he couldn’t pick the good guise from the bad guise?
Joke #12799
I know one fellow who was so scary, on Halloween he didn’t have to buy a mask.
Joke #12265
Q: What don’t you want to do when your friend is being attacked by vampires?
A: Stick your neck out for him.
Joke #11054
Answer: A guy who picks his nose and throws it, one who does no treat on Halloween, and Dr. Van Helsing from Dracula .
Question: Who’s a flicker, a tricker, and a wooden stake sticker?
The Heaven Hell Theory
Is there such thing as Heaven and Hell? Well, Heaven and Hell aren’t what you think they are. Heaven isn’t some Blue wonderful world with puffy white clouds and people playing Harmonicas. Also they don’t have cute little wings and those yellow circle thingies on there head. Heaven is actually, believe it or not, Candy Land. Yes, it is that board game. I mean why wouldn’t it be? It makes sense, doesn’t it? Candy=Everyone LOVES Candy (except for those weird people that give candy OUT on Halloween…what is up with that)? and Land=uh…it’s…uh…land…made out of…candy…Yeah that’s it, Land made out of candy. And people eat away at the land and when the people eat ALL the candy they drop down to hell for being so greedy. Now Hell is not some flaming hot red place with people running around naked with big red buts. No, it’s a series of tortures. Like the: “Beeping computer torture.” This torture is one of the worst of all time. A person sits at a computer and turns it on. The computer beeps. So the person tries and tries and TRYS to fix it but no matter what, it will still keep beeping and beeping and beeping (it drives them on the brink of insanity). Another torture is the “Brady Bunch Torture” where you watch every single gay episode of the Brady Bunch. This turns you fruity and insane…And yet 1 more torture is the “Pick up Machine Torture”. Ever goes to those arcades and go to that machine with the claw where you put money into and try to grab one of those toys with the claw? Now IMAGINE doing that for ETERNITY and NEVER EVER picking up one of those toys with the claw! Ugh that’s HORRIBLE! Who ever thought up tortures like this? Anyways you are FORCED to do it for eternity…I’ve just officially grossed my self out with thinking of these tortures, I’m done…
Great Pumpkin
Top 10 Reasons Why Trick or Treating is Better Than Sex
10. You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9. If you get tired, nobody gets an attitude.
8. Maybe aches, but never guilt the morning after.
7. You don’t have to compliment the person who gives you some.
6. Dressing up and fantasizing isn’t considered kinky.
5. If you don’t like what you get, you can just go next door.
4. It doesn’t matter if anyone hears you moaning and groaning.
3. Forty years from now you’ll still enjoy candy.
2. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
…and the number one reason trick or treating is better than sex…
1. YOU CAN DO THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD.
Cheap Halloween Costumes
Fairly Cheap Costumes:
Tom Cruise – sunglasses, socks (no shoes), no pants or shorts, a dress shirt, and underwear
Chuck Norris – wear only pants, no socks or shoes, a bandana, and die your facial, chest, and back hair red
Ghandi – shave your head and wear a loin cloth toga
Tarzan – only wear loin cloth underwear or any underwear
Things you can say you are if someone asks and you aren’t dressed up:
“Myself”
“an Insomniac”
“a Necrophiliac”
“a trick or treater”
“a retired wrestler”
“a person with a bus pass”
“I wear shorts”
“I have candy”
“I’m a scary monster”
“I forgot my costume on my way to your house”
Or just run away before they can ask.