Abyss Odyssey: Extended Dream Edition (PS4) Review

Developer: ACE Team | Publisher: ATLUS || Overall: 6.5

Ever date someone? Yeah… me neither, but let’s play pretend. Let’s say they’re nearly perfect for you. The type of person that not only tolerates, but even shares your hobbies with a pleasant personality; no shortage of devotion and enough physical beauty to put the Greek’s description of most gods and goddesses to shame. In short: the perfect fantasy. Now, let’s say with all their apparent assets there is still one thing about them that gets on your nerves; a single stain among the canvas of perfection that is your potential lover.  You try to ignore it but it pops up in every conversation, and when you try to accept it, the very thought of encountering it again causes a sharp chill to run up your spine. Despite all their positive qualities, you can’t help but notice their one glaring flaw and have it mar the relationship entirely until you’re forced to break up with them. Don’t you think that sort of thing is a tragedy?

Laura
It’s not you, Laura. It’s the way you chew your food.

Taking a stab at the Roguelike subgenre, the developers at ACE Team have teamed up with the good people at ATLUS to give you Abyss Odyssey: Extended Dream Edition. A 2D side-scroller and an updated edition to the Steam and Xbox versions for the PS4, Abyss Odyssey is a game about swords and sorcery that takes place in Chile. Yeah, that’s right, I just said Chile. *Add wink and boastful head nod here.*

Chile
One of the few countries that actually looks like what it’s
named after. If you twist your head and blink.

A huge departure from most games in general, Abyss Odyssey takes place in a fantasy version of 19th century Chile. The backdrop serves as the ambiance to a rather mystical and dark setting for the tale. It borrows heavily from Chilean lore to infuse the game with monsters ranging from the macabre to the downright menacing, even as the setting may change drastically from floor to floor. The further you go into the dungeon, the more apparent it becomes that the developer, ACE Team, is very familiar with Chilean lore — it is probably a happy side-effect of basing a game in the country where their headquarters is located. The playable characters do not fall far from that aesthetic either, and feel like they were plucked right out of some dark fantasy painting hanging in the corner of some alternative art house. This all comes together to make it feel like you are traversing through some sinister nightmare… because that’s exactly what you are doing.

The story in Abyss Odyssey is a simple one but it does small and effective things to bring it to life. Though the tale of a nightmare becoming reality is a common one, this is the first time I’ve become so enthralled with the concept.  Most of the story doesn’t take place in grand cut-scenes but is instead hinted at through character dialogue and the various documents enemies drop. Once you get the whole story, it brings new meaning to previous interactions and sometimes provides motivations for the main characters. Furthermore, Abyss Odyssey does an excellent job of integrating the game’s mechanics into the story. Wonder how the main characters keep coming back to life? Well, it’s because they are also part of the nightmare and, like any dream, they can be reimagined. Is it odd that the dungeon changes with every play through? Not so much if you consider it a part of a person’s nightmare, ever-changing and malleable to the dreamer’s will. These traits in the story already warrant high praise but that isn’t even the best part.

Every character has a story. From the main characters to even the lowly NPCs, Abyss Odyssey takes the time and effort to give them a reason for existing outside of the gameplay mechanics that they are there to represent. One of my favorite examples of this can be seen in the dying soldiers that can be randomly encountered throughout the dungeon. They are there as a fast and easy way to give the player a chance at more loot but each comes with a story all their own. Sometimes the story is courageous, other times it’s heart-breaking, and can even be downright embarrassing, but each story helps make the world of Abyss Odyssey feel real. Those dying soldiers weren’t there solely for the player’s benefit, they had dreams and aspirations all their own.

screen2
Protip: When you die, you really don’t. Before even reviving at the beginning
of the dungeon the game gives you control of a random mook. Make it to an
altar and you’ll be instantly revived from death.

The music does a fine job of complimenting the nightmare aesthetic. Each theme is a haunting melody of classical beats that wouldn’t seem out of place in your nightmares… only if you were more cultured and/or educated… you swine! Though, the way the game interacts with its music deserves some credit. Often times it can be used as an audio cue of what is nearby, and other times it can ratchet up the intensity of specific encounters. There is a certain enemy whose theme overtakes the current music whenever you find him. This sudden musical clash makes his appearance all the more terrifying during the fight. These sorts of “reactionary” musical queues make the music feel almost as alive as the setting.

So, by now you are probably wondering why, despite all of accolades I gave this game, it has a big fat 6.5 under its review score? You’re probably also wondering why I would start a video game review talking about dating? Well, that’s because I have a good reason for each. First, the combat sucks. Second, allusion is a pretty awesome writing device.  To put it plainly, at its worst, the combat is a clunky and unresponsive mess and, at its best, it is a poor man’s version of Smash Bros. The shielding, dodge-rolling and fighting mechanics seem mostly there, but what isn’t there is the polish the titular party game has gone through over the years. So while the game may have the know-how coded into the game, it doesn’t possess the necessary grace to pull it off properly. The rigid animations and unresponsive controls lead the player to fight against the stage and controls instead of the monsters in front of them. So much so, that I began to dread every encounter because either my attacks would whiff past enemies or my controls would randomly not function the way they were intended. This also applies to the game’s competitive and cooperative multiplayer modes, both suffering from the same bad combat mechanics. It’s really quite the horrible stain on what could have been a great game.

screen8
Okay guys, as usual. No items. That weird-eye-lion-thing only.
FINAL DESTINATION!!!

I could have forgiven Abyss Odyssey for anything other than the combat. This tragedy could have been avoided if the music was lackluster, if the story was bland or if the graphics were 8-bit. Instead, the game falters on its most important aspect, the combat; it drags everything else down with it. Instead of enjoying the world this game takes place in, I’m forced to drop it like an annoying girlfriend. This game could have easily gotten a 9.0 or 9.5, instead it’ll have to do with the 6.5 I gave it. It just wasn’t meant to be.

When not writing reviews as Unnamedhero, Eduardo Luquin can be reached at unnamedheromk13@gmail.com.

 

The Asinine Boyfriend Expectations List Breakdown

This entry is part 10 of 13 in the series Dave's Breakdown

I found this ridiculously asinine list of apparent requirements that some random stupid girl threw up on her dating profile.  Since it was so terrible, I decided to break down each line of it.  It should be noted that this was found on a not-very-attractive “high skool” math teacher’s page.  I doubt she actually wrote it, but who knows with these things.

The original image is attached at the bottom of the post.

I want a boyfriend who:

– “Isn’t going to call other girls cute.”

Wow, how paranoid and/or low self-esteem do you have to be to actually put a stranglehold on whoever you consider to be your actual boyfriend to restrict them from ever calling another girl “cute.”  Wow.  CUTE is the barrier?  A 10 year old could be construed as “cute” — is this person going to become super jealous if that happens?  I assume the obvious point of stating this to begin with is that they don’t want their theoretical boyfriend to look at other girls, but the catch-all low-standard requirement just seems like a good way to be controlling of said boyfriend rather than being more afraid about having them, at worst, cheat on you.

“Isn’t going to like other girl’s facebook photo.”

Despite the terrible grammar, that this is #2 on the list absolutely boggles the mind.  Note that half of this world is made up of women, and most people in this world at least know one person that is a girl that they might be a Facebook friend with.  I would guess that simply being a Facebook friend with a girl is an infinitely more expressive notion to having some sort of infidelity going on with friends that are girls you might have, let alone liking some stupid fucking picture.  It’s okay to have cyber sex in private messages and talk about how many handjobs you would give in 30 minutes, but if you’re liking a photo, HOLY SHIT WATCH OUT, THE GIRLFRIEND IS GOING TO SMOTHER YOU WITH THAT PILLOW WHILE YOU SLEEP.

“Would text me good morning/goodnight texts :)”

Boring.  Every single fucking day?  Come on.  Don’t people have different sleeping schedules, anyway?  I would assume that someone who is this controlling would want to be with their boyfriend 100% of the time anyway so wishing for these texts are irrelevant in their very basic logical form.

– “Actually makes an attempt to spend a day with me.”

I like that “makes an attempt” is the standard.  I guess it excuses anyone from actually having to spend a full day with this idiot.

– “Doesn’t want to rush things and isn’t just after sex.”

I already feel like this person wants to be married after the prior requirements.  Who’s the real person rushing things?

– “I can be my complete self around.”

Because there are apparently multiple “selves” running around separated and once they are completed they shall combine into the Slime Lord, a hopelessly clingy and needy ultimate biological girlfriend that you don’t want.  And Slime Lord is apparently in an “around” shape.  I guess.

– “I can take silly pictures with.”

Isn’t that cute.  WHOOPS!  Let’s just take some silly pictures, girlfriend!  It’ll be lots of fun!  Never mind having any sort of commonalities in our interests or personalities.  Just as long as we can take silly pictures, it’s good!

– “I can play xbox with.”

Despite the fact that Xbox sucks because you have to pay an additional fee to access any online fees, this girl probably only likes to play Call of Duty or at best Halo.  Considering the rest of the list leaves no room for imagination in perhaps other types of games that might actually be more complex than “shoot the bad guyz” I could see this as a string of very painful experiences.  Most of the pain would come from split-screen multiplayer.  Yuck.

– “I can wrestle with.”

Wow.

– “I can cuddle with.”

Cuddling is less important than wrestling.

– “Respects me and my decisions.”

What this actually means is:  “Here’s my fucking list and if you don’t fucking like it you can go fuck yourself.”  I think I’d rather fuck myself, thank you very much!

Also, it might be a bit of irony that this is the last in her list.  I guess being able to wrestle and take silly pictures with someone is more important that having respect from a theoretical boyfriend.

I want a boyfriend who

 

The Love Pentagram

There once were five roommates who lived together.  They all were each other’s boyfriends and girlfriends, but with a twist.  They loved two people, but one of the two people they loved did not love them.  Hence, “The Love Pentagram” was formed.

That was until they all blew up!  Someone stole 42 dollars from the community jar for grocery shopping and someone didn’t like that, we don’t know who, but they turned on the stove and then lit a match and it went kablooey.

When all the dust settled, the remains of the five roommates were arranged in a pentagram floating above the rubble.  The firefighters and police officers were astounded at the floating dead bodies and the weird laser beams pointing connecting to each other.

The firefighters blasted the five floating bodies with water, but nothing happened.  The police officers blasted the bodies with bullets, and then tasers, and then rubber band balls, and then doughnuts.  Water, metal, electricity, rubber, and even sugar didn’t break the demonic magic that held the five bodies in place.

Four days and three nights passed, as bureaucratic excuses and decisions were given to the cityfolk as to the new disturbance that was causing traffic on all the edges of the city of Bookhaven.  This was worse than the time they were fixing the sewers.  Everything was backed up then, even toilets!

That was when they called in the heavy artillery.  Rhyluf Gufgilo, Civil Engineer Extraordinaire, was called in to alleviate the situation and make everything flow smoothly again as the oddly transfixed demonic Love Pentagram showed no signs of change after four days.  Over the next 37 days, a large apparatus was installed underneath the city to rotate the city in such a way that no one would have to drive to get to where they wanted to go!  Everyone on the east side of town would get to the western side without very much effort at all!  All it took was a button press at one’s behest and they would make the city rotate.

It was only after the apparatus was installed that people realized this did very little to solve the problem.  Everyone who wanted to go east now had to go west, and the people who needed to go west had to go east, and the people who had to go north had to go south, and the people who wanted to go south had to go north!  It was all very confusing, and it made things even more confusing, like this sentence.  Sometimes people who wanted to go west, had to go north!  Sometimes people who wanted to go north, had to go north!  It’s ridiculous!!!

The Love Pentagram began to change as a result of the constant rotating that had been going on.  The Love Pentagram began to constantly rotate back and forth and then began to spin rapidly in an oscillating motion, like a washing machine.  The citizens of Bookhaven became concerned and a large group began to gather around as people had begun to abandon their cars and started to walk wherever they needed to go in town.

Without warning, in the middle of the day, 5 days after the rotating apparatus was installed underneath the city, it began to collapse into the center of the Love Pentagram!  More than just collapsing, though – it seemed like it was flushing down a toilet into the hole and all of Bookhaven was being sucked into the center of the hole.  People were screaming as they tried to run away from the power of the Love Pentagram.  No one could escape it when they saw it happening, and no one knew what would happen when they fell into it.

In less than three hours, the city of Bookhaven had been eradicated, leaving only the Love Pentagram left.  The Ruins of Bookhaven, as the area is now called, had only a sewer system to show for it and it all lead into the center.

Where did all of Bookhaven go, you may ask?  A new subterranean city was established underneath Bookhaven, called Bookhell.  All of the trapped citizens of Bookhaven and their buildings, houses, and cars were there, forever.

Moral: Don’t shit where you sleep.

 

#22511: Phoenix -> Hotkid05

Phoenix: Hey

Phoenix: You into Yaoi?

Hotkid05: whos this

Phoenix: Adam

Phoenix: You know me.

Hotkid05: adam who

Phoenix: Don’t fuck around man, you KNOW who this is.

Hotkid05: im serious adam who

Phoenix: So whats up? We havn’t talked for a while.

Hotkid05: nm

Phoenix: How you been?

Hotkid05: where u from

Hotkid05: good u

Phoenix: Alright

Hotkid05: where do u live at

Phoenix: …

Phoenix: You still acting like you don’t know me bro?

Hotkid05: where

Phoenix: Fine, fuck you too.

Phoenix: We talked for months!

Hotkid05: im drunk as hell

Phoenix: Now I’m not your boy? Now you act like I’m nothing?

Phoenix: Go fuckyourself man, I don’t need you.

Hotkid05: im sorry

Phoenix: ….alright, alright.

Phoenix: But stop playin man,you know I don’t like that shit

Hotkid05: do u know my name??

Phoenix: No, we only talked online.

Hotkid05: r u straight??

Phoenix: The hell? You a moron or something? Can’t you remember anything?

Hotkid05: yea im sorry

Hotkid05: how r u

Phoenix: Fine, annoyed at you asking all this stupid shit though.

Hotkid05: my bad

Phoenix: It’s alright holmes, it’s fine.

Hotkid05: do u have a girl now

Phoenix: Hell ya boy, you know me. I can get em whenever I try.

Phoenix: Broke up with that other girl though, ya remember Faith?

Phoenix: Oh, of course you don’t, lol.

Hotkid05: yea

Phoenix: How bout you?

Hotkid05: no kidding

Hotkid05: no

Phoenix: Man, that sucks.

Hotkid05: i need 2 get laid

Phoenix: Heh, I hear that.

Phoenix: Course, it must be hard.

Hotkid05: why u say that

Phoenix: I mean you don’t remember shit, you act dumb all the time.

Hotkid05: thanx

Phoenix: Like this shit you were pulling with me.

Hotkid05: my bad man

Phoenix: If I was a girl I woulda called you a fag, man.

Phoenix: Course you are a fuckin fag.

Phoenix: I mean you act all quire and dainty.

Phoenix: Plus all that sick porn you look at?

Phoenix: That’s fucked up man.

Phoenix: I mean, all those links you were sending me…

Phoenix: “Big booty ass sucking” God, sick shit.

Phoenix: No wonder you pretend you don’t know me, I’d be embarrased too.

Phoenix: Course you were drunk but still…

Phoenix: You there, holmes?

Phoenix: Meh, you’re probably wanking it to some of that weird gay cartoon guy shit again, may you fucked up

 

Quote #22153: Lola’s Forgotten Present

This entry is part 21 of 26 in the series The Retail Report

::Billy is reading a book and a picture of his ex-girlfriend from 11th grade pops out and falls on the floor.::

::davepoobond picks it up off the floor and on the back, is written…::

2: My Dearest Bugs or Googely Bear AKA Billy =)

Here is a brand new pic of your sexy bunny for you to drool over.  Enjoy.

Don’t get too happy.

11th grade 02-03

<3 always, Lola

::After reading the back out loud, davepoobond turns the picture around and acts shocked, mostly cause of how she looks, which is more on the unattractive side than the latter::

davepoobond: I’m keeping this for my journal, are you sure you don’t want it?

Billy: No!  I DON’T WANT IT!!!

– at davepoobond’s job, 6/5/07

 

#21268: dys4iK -> sweet_thang_for_u_2002

While reading this, keep in mind that dys4iK is not Josh. Whoever he was, he’s fucked now. “dys4iK is NOT Josh, never was, and never will be.”

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: hey hey hey

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: sup josh

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: hey did u ever call tracy?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: our grad. practice is thur right?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: hey u there?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: josh???

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u called tracy right

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: y u ignoring me???????

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i’m ur girlfriend!!!!!!!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: talk to me

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: look

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i dont know what ur deal has been lately

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i mean come on josh

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: we were prom queen adn king and this is how u act!!!!!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: fine whatever

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ignore me

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: fine

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: see if i care

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ok what the fuck!!!!!!!!!

dys4iK: bot.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: r u gonna talk to me or not

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: bot???

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: huh?

dys4iK: I have no clue who the hell you are,

dys4iK: but this sure is interesting,.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: josh!!!

dys4iK: you’re josh?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what is wrong with u

dys4iK: I thought I was supposed to be josh.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what is ur deal

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: r u drunk

dys4iK: I think you should go find the right Josh.

dys4iK: I wish I was drunk…

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: whatever

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i know its u

dys4iK: haha.

dys4iK: ok.

dys4iK: how’d you find me?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u r goin to grad. tomorrow right

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ur on my list

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: duh!!!!!!!!!!

dys4iK: I’m not going anywhere tommorow night.

dys4iK: I spend my days sitting at my computer,

dys4iK: jerking off to weird porn.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: whatever

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: y r u adcting like this

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: jsoh what is wrong with u??

dys4iK: ’cause i’m in hard drugs.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u told me u never did drugs

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u said u quit

dys4iK: I lied.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: so u were lying?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what??????????

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: omg

dys4iK: in fact,

dys4iK: I could be on drugs,

dys4iK: _right now)_

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: !!!!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: josh

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: y do u always pull this shit

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ur goin off to osu next year

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: and ur doin drugs

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what is ur deal

dys4iK: yep.

dys4iK: drugs and college.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: omg

dys4iK: hoo-rah.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i cant beleive that

dys4iK: yep

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: did u ever call tracy

dys4iK: I’ve gotta go fuck my sister now.

dys4iK: back in a bit.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: and explaoin to her ur stayin with me

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what!!!!!!!!!!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ur sister is only 8

dys4iK: oh, hey, right.

dys4iK: ok.

dys4iK: my cousin, then.

dys4iK: how old are my cousins?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: josh u know how old ur cousins are

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: dont be stupid

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: r u high?

dys4iK: I can’ help it,

dys4iK: it’s the drugs.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what is ur deal josh

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: god

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ok

dys4iK: my deal?

dys4iK: ten bucks an hour.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: we can get through this

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: jsut call me

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: did u call tracy

dys4iK: who’s tracy?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: tracy randlof

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: remember

dys4iK: sure.

dys4iK: she was a nice lay.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u were gonna tell her u wer datin me

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what!!!!!!!!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u slept with here

dys4iK: of course.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u told me u didnt

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: omg

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: (

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: josh i’m crying b/c of u

dys4iK: her and some other girl.

dys4iK: it was fun!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: JOSH

dys4iK: and some guy.

dys4iK: I think.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: WHAT IS WROGN WITH U

dys4iK: I can’t really remember.

dys4iK: the world was funny colours at the time.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: OH SO NOW UR GAY

dys4iK: no, not gay.

dys4iK: not yet.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: WHEN DID ALL THIS HAPPEN

dys4iK: but if you keep this up, maybe.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: DONT EVEN SAY PROM NIGHT

dys4iK: it happened tommorow!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: TOMORROW???

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what?

dys4iK: yeah.

dys4iK: tommorow.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ummmmm

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: josh

dys4iK: yeah?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i’m gonna come over ok

dys4iK: over to canada?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: canada??

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what are u talkin about

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u dont seem to good

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: im comin over

dys4iK: I already told you I’m not josh.

dys4iK: but you seem to believe I am,

dys4iK: so I’m playing the part.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: whatever

dys4iK: but, I can’t play it in person.

dys4iK: sorry.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i’m gonna break up with u

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: we are over

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: 9 months of nothing

dys4iK: yep.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i know its u cuz of the name

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i’m not stupid

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: god

dys4iK: yeah.

dys4iK: such a stupid name.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: well i’m on my way over

dys4iK: ok.

dys4iK: see you in a few days.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: we can have break up sex

dys4iK: hoo-rah.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: tehn i’m leaving

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ok

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: for good

dys4iK: yay.

dys4iK: you promise to never phone?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i cant beleive u slept with tracy

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ur supposed to be mad

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: and begging me to stay

dys4iK: why would I be mad?

dys4iK: oh, sorry.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: b/c i’m leaving u

dys4iK: please don’t leave me!

dys4iK: please stay!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ugh

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: whatever

dys4iK: wahhhh!

dys4iK: *cries*

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: uknow what

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: forget

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: it

dys4iK: ok!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i’m not comin over

dys4iK: gladly!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: screw u

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: dont talk to me ever again

dys4iK: you don’t want to get into the threesome?

dys4iK: hey, speaking of which,

dys4iK: I should get back to sex.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ugh

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: who is there

dys4iK: tracy.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ………….

dys4iK: ……………..!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: (

dys4iK: come on.

dys4iK: you enjoyed it too.

dys4iK: I know about you two.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what!!!!!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ummmmm

dys4iK: when you got drunk?

dys4iK: at some party.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i dont know what ur talkin about

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ……………..

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: well

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: that was a long time ago

dys4iK: there you go.

dys4iK: see?

dys4iK: it was fun.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i was drunk josh

dys4iK: deal with it.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: so what if it was

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: that was a ont time thing

dys4iK: I can’t fix all your female, hyper-inflated ego disorders.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what has gotten itno u

dys4iK: I told you!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i cant beleive this!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dys4iK: drugs.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: (

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i’m tellin ur parents

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u need help

dys4iK: when I figure out who you are…

dys4iK: haha.

dys4iK: ok.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: who I am!!!!

dys4iK: except, my mom is shooting up in the bathroom,

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: wat do u mean by that

dys4iK: and dad is drunk with some other woman.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ummm, she is at my house

dys4iK: she is?

dys4iK: since when?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: and ur dad and my dad are out of town on a business trip

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: so what are u talkin about

dys4iK: hey, whoa.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: she has been here all da

dys4iK: our dads are fucking?

dys4iK: when did that start?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: whatever

dys4iK: that’s pretty crazy.

dys4iK: think they’d let us join in?

dys4iK: with tracy, too?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ???????????

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u sick bastard

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: god

dys4iK: haha.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u r soooooooooooooo immature

dys4iK: I’m immature?

dys4iK: yes, I suppose I am.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i cant beleive i wasted 9 months with u

dys4iK: neither can I.

dys4iK: you fell for me like a brick in water.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dys4iK: that was funny.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: X-(

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: no u fell for me

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u begged me to get with u

dys4iK: haha.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i turned u down 3 times

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: remember

dys4iK: yeah. tracy told me to keep asking, though.

dys4iK: she thought if I got you to go out with me,

dys4iK: we could have a threesome.

dys4iK: or something.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: lol

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: whatever

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u wisj

dys4iK: pretty clever, eh?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u know now that i think about it

dys4iK: wasn’t my idea.

dys4iK: she was the one who wanted you.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i only liked u b/c of ur car

dys4iK: I have a car?

dys4iK: cool!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ummmm yeah

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ur spider eclipse

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: duh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: thas y i dated u

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: not cuz of the looks

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: although u do look godd

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: good

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ur nothin w/o me

dys4iK: hey, yeah?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: and u know it

dys4iK: what are you, then?

dys4iK: cheesecake!

dys4iK: haha!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: huh?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: cheescake?

dys4iK: yeah.

dys4iK: you’re a cheesecake.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: how?

dys4iK: now that everyone’s seen pictures of you naked.

dys4iK: heh heh.

dys4iK: but hey, you made some lonely geeks happy for a night.,

dys4iK: =)

dys4iK: it was kind of you.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: keep what going

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: our relationship

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: yeah right

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: dream on

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: we’re over

dys4iK: hey, you’re back.

dys4iK: hi again!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: y r u makin a joke out of this???????

dys4iK: because i have no idea who you are!

dys4iK: but this sure is fun.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: prove it to me that ur not josh

dys4iK: how about you prove that I _am_ josh!

dys4iK: =)

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ok

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what was our prom theme

dys4iK: uh.

dys4iK: underwater?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: omg

dys4iK: or that may have been the drugs. =D

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i told u ur josh

dys4iK: oh, right.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what do i look like

dys4iK: yeah.

dys4iK: uh.

dys4iK: fat, ugly.

dys4iK: lot of acne down your back.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ummm wrong

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: wrong

dys4iK: blue hair.

dys4iK: purple eyes!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ????

dys4iK: you have this weird bump on your back,

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: am i a cheerelader

dys4iK: but noone will tell you.

dys4iK: a cheerleader? hey, cool.

dys4iK: i dated a cheerleader!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i know

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: cuz u dated me

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: duh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dys4iK: duhh!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: lol

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: there’s teh old josh

dys4iK: whatever!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: aw

dys4iK: you’re so funny.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i knew it was u baby

dys4iK: whatever! duhhhh!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: awwww

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: josh lets not break up

dys4iK: you’re pretty thick, aren’t you?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: lol

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: josh u r the best i’ve ever had if u know what i eman

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i dont wanna loose u

dys4iK: you should smoke some crack with me tonight.

dys4iK: come over right now.

dys4iK: let’s smoke some crack.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: the way u touch me

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i dont want to loose u

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: lets not break up

dys4iK: yeah. your skin is sort of clammy, though.

dys4iK: what, with being a vampire, and all.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ??????????

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i’m not clammhy

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i use pure silk lotion from batha and body

dys4iK: Sammy the Clam!

dys4iK: pure silk lotion?

dys4iK: doesn’t silk come out of the ass of worms?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ???????????????

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i dont know

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: jsoh

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i want u so bad right now

dys4iK: so finger yourself, or something.

dys4iK: I’m not sticking myself back in there.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i alreadly am

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: wahtever

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u know u want this

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i’ll wear my cheerleading outfit for you

dys4iK: ew.

dys4iK: I hate cheerleaders.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: no u dont silly

dys4iK: will you wear a strapon?

dys4iK: and fuck me in the ass?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: the way i can straddle u

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u luv it

dys4iK: hey, will you let my dog fuck you?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ummmmmmmm

dys4iK: do it!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: when did u get a dog

dys4iK: you can smoke crack first.

dys4iK: I’ll get a dog!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: no

dys4iK: so it can fuck you.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: NO

dys4iK: and I’ll videotape it.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i wanna video tape u and me

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i want u

dys4iK: I want me, too.

dys4iK: but I’m with tracy now!

dys4iK: sorry!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u mean u want me

dys4iK: I’m madly in love with you.

dys4iK: the drugs are fucking with my head.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: awwwwwwwww

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: josh

dys4iK: I don’t know what i’m doing anymore.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i love you too

dys4iK: marry me?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: awwww

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: its ok baby

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u want to marry me

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: josh

dys4iK: I was lying about tracy!

dys4iK: I just wanted to make you feel jealous!

dys4iK: seriously!~

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: we just grad

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: awwwww

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: really

dys4iK: no.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: awwwwww

dys4iK: i was lying again.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ?????

dys4iK: ’cause it’s funny to watch you awwwww at me.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: josh

dys4iK: yeah?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: do u really luv me

dys4iK: I need more drugs.

dys4iK: I love drugs.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: no jsoh no

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: no

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u luv me

dys4iK: I love drugs!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: no josh

dys4iK: I need a dimebag of hash to go with this.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: quit sayin that

dys4iK: and I’m running low on needles.

dys4iK: gotta start reusing needles.

dys4iK: damnit!

dys4iK: fucking hell.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: josh

dys4iK: oh well.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: stop

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: quit

dys4iK: I’ll microwave them.

dys4iK: stop what?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ur actin weird

dys4iK: I’m jonesing.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: huh

dys4iK: I gotta go fix myself up.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what does that mean

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: josh

dys4iK: coming down.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i got my nipples pierced today

dys4iK: hey, me too!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: really!!!!!!!!!

dys4iK: no.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i did i t jes for u

dys4iK: why? you’re supposed to hate me, bitch.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: so u can play with them

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i dont hate u

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i luve u

dys4iK: you keep telling me you do!

dys4iK: stop the lying!

dys4iK: oh god, I can’t take it anymore!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: well i an forgive u

dys4iK: fucking hell!

dys4iK: I should just oD.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: nooooooooo

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: josh wait

dys4iK: it’d be fun.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i’m coming over right now

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ok

dys4iK: go for it.

dys4iK: you know where I live.

dys4iK: (I don’t.)

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ok i’ll be over in 20 min

dys4iK: ok!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ok baby

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i

dys4iK: I’ll be waiting.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i’m coming

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i love u

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ……………

dys4iK: …………………….

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: say it to me josh

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: please

dys4iK: I’ll go get the strapon.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i’m on my way over now

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: bye babe

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: c u soon

dys4iK: bye!

Session Close (sweet_thang_for_u_2002): Thu May 30 19:17:53 2002

 

What Your Pet Name Really Means

What’s in a name? Apparently, a lot more than you (or I) ever thought there was. Here’s what his pet name for you *really* means…..

Darling – Depends on how he says it. If he stresses the first syllable, then he’s probably done something wrong or wants money.

Dear – Probably a leftover from his parents. Expect him to wear woolly cardigans, smoke a pipe and prefer a mug of Ovaltine to lager.

Sweetheart – If it’s said patronizingly, it’s not so sweet.  But when uttered in earnest, it may send your own sweet heart aflutter.

Babe – Not to be confused with the film of the same name. Check for flares or signs that he’s a 70s throwback. He’s a bit of a medallion man. Chances are he’s got his initials on his chunky ring. Leave immediately if he tries to sell you a second-hand car.

Baby doll – This type of man will probably require you to wear transparent frilly nighties even in the dead of winter.  He doesn’t want you to grow up, and obviously can’t deal with real women.

Princess – Never trust a man who calls you princess. You may think you’re being treated like royalty, but beware of Prince Charmings – they may be secretly plotting your overthrow.

Sexy – Fine if you’re sexy. If you’re not, who cares? He probably thinks you are anyway!!

My girlfriend – He’s honest, open and probably glad to have you around. The next thing you know he’ll be using your name!

The wife – If you’re married then he probably thinks he owns you. If you’re not, he probably thinks you act like his wife, in which case, he thinks he owns you.

My other half – You complete the set – he’s only half a man without you. But it may make you feel as though you are losing your identity somewhere.

The missus – See The Wife.

My partner – He’s right on. Probably likes eating tofu and hugging trees.

My significant other – He’s even more right on. Probably thinks it’s cruel to eat tofu and that trees need their own space.

She who must be obeyed – He thinks you’re a nag, but probably doesn’t lift a finger around the house.

 

Joke #18615

A crab and a lobster are secretly dating. Pretty soon, the lobster tires of the lying and tells her father, who then forbids her to see the crab anymore.

“It’ll never work, honey.” he says to her. “Crabs walk side-ways and we walk straight.”

“Please,” she begs her father. “Just meet him once. I know you’ll like him.”

Her father finally relents and agrees to a one-time meeting, and she runs off to share the good news with her crab sweetie.

The crab is so excited he decides to surprise his beloved’s family. He practices and practices until he can finally walk straight!

On the BIG day, he walks the entire way to the lobster’s house as straight as he can.

Standing on the porch, and seeing the crab walking towards him, the lobster dad yells to his daughter…..

“I knew it! Here comes that crab and he’s drunk!”