Mary Had a Little Lamb Song #21779

Mary had a little lamb, she also had a duck.

She took it round the corner to teach it how to…

Fry and egg for breakfast, fry an egg for tea.

The more you eat, the more you drink, the more you want to…

Peter had a boat, the boat began to rock.

Up jumped Jaws and bit off his…

Cocktails, gingerales, 40c a glass.

If you don’t like them, stick em up your…

Ask no qestions, tell no lies.

I saw santa claus undoing his…

Flies are bad, mosuitoes are worse.

And this is the end of my silly little verse. 🙂


The Automatic Egg Thrower

Dear Mike,

I hope that you will appreciate my new invention.  It is an automatic egg thrower!  I assure you it will be of really good use.  You can use it for social groups that are bothering you or people who will not get off your lawn after you asked them nicely to go or get off.  Then you can load eggs in the egg thrower and shoot them till they run away!  You will laugh at their facial expression!  There is a brochure that comes with it so you know how to launch eggs with the egg thrower.  My egg thrower is going to both the Self-Defense convention and the Joker’s convention!  All the eggs that miss your targets will be good nourishment for your grass so you do not have to pick it up.  After you throw eggs at somebody they will negotiate with you and do as you set out to accomplish.  I insure you they will.


Your best friend,



PS Write back soon!!!!


Waitress and Customer

Scene:  A restaurant (where else?)

Customer: Oh, waitress!  Would you bring me a drink?  I’d like a dry cum on the rocks, with a twist of peach.

Waitress: All right, sir.  Will you order your dinner too?

Customer: Yes, I’ll have the roast prime teachers of beef with the lung pudding.

Waitress: We’re out of that.  How about a sizzling sirloin Eric with a spicy green salad?

Customer: No, thanks.  I’d rather have the smooth fried chicken.

Waitress: We’re out of that, too.  How about fried Erics?

Customer: No, thanks.  Do you have any roast Long Island lesbian?

Waitress: No, but why don’t you try our brown goulash with homemade weiner sauce?

Customer: Oh, never mind.  Just bring me a shot egg sandwich and a cup of black sylvia


Joke #18736

A lady goes into the butcher shop and as she is walking around the store, she spies a beef tongue in the butcher’s counter. The lady asks, “What in the world is that?”

“Beef tongue,” replies the butcher!

The lady gives a little involuntary shudder, “No way would I put anything in my mouth that came out of an animal’s mouth!”

The butcher nods sympathetically while peeking into the woman’s shopping cart, “I see you’re buying a dozen eggs!”


Joke #18681

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen. “Careful…CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK! Careful…CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!”

The wife stared at him. “What the hell is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?”

The husband calmly replied, “I wanted to show you what it feels like to have you sitting next to me when I’m driving.”