#22512: Automatic Man -> davepoobond

Automatic Man: badgers

Automatic Man: badgers

Automatic Man: badgers

Automatic Man: badgers

Automatic Man: badgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgers

Automatic Man: badgers

Automatic Man: badgers

Automatic Man: badgers

Automatic Man: badgers

Automatic Man: badgers

davepoobond: quiet

Automatic Man: ahahah

 

The Badger’s Dam

One day there was a badger and this badger was hired to make a river dam.  Well, this fucking badger was an illegal and he came over from that other fucking river and took the beaver’s jobs away from them.

That god damn badger thought he was so good with his cheaper cost wood that he thought he could make a dam for 15 Fish while beavers charged 20 Fish to make a high quality dam.  Considering the quality and the long-term benefits of having a high quality dam as opposed to a low quality dam, the beaver’s dam would survive like five floods or whatever, while the badger’s wouldn’t even survive two.

So the beavers held the badger and his illegal badger family hostage, put them into boxes and shoved them down the waterfall.  Then the beavers detonated that no-good badger’s dam and that forced the Dam-Making Corporation to hire more illegal badgers from the other river to make another dam.  Basically, the hard-working, honest beavers were put out of business and their economy took a shit on themselves after a few of their river banks needed to be bailed out by the government.

Moral of the story:  You may think you can solve the illegal immigration problem yourself, but it is really up to the government to make a real stand on the issue.

 

Situations It Would Suck to Be In

By Nose:

– A badger is in your pants. Those mofo’s have sharp claws.

– On stage naked when you have to urinate. People could lose their careers this way.

– Bitchslapping Mike Tyson…cover your ears!

– Having a pencil up your ass

– Standing in a pile of hippo crap. You’ve seen how much they eat. Can you imagine standing in the crap of an animal who eats aobut 400 pounds of food a day.

– If you’re a guy. Never walk into a gay bar with no pants. Some people don’t wait until they get home.

– Don’t wear butt tight pants when you go to the beach. When you have a stiffy, people are gonna know.

– Making love to a gorilla. Some of those animls weigh 2000 pounds.

– Doing doggy style to a dog. Think where that thing has been.

By Holmes:

– Bending over in a Prison Shower Room…Welcome to Anal Penetration 101, your going to feel like your shitting backwards.

– In a Port-o-potty while it’s rolling down a hill…the toilet is going to be shitting on you

– Drinking Coca-Cola in a Pepsi plant…HOW COULD YOU!

By The typical Aussie bloke:

– Taking a shit in a really old outback dunnycan that hasn’t been washed in 50 years. Imagine all the crabs on the dunny seat and the crusty shit stains ewwwwwww!!!

– Being tackled by John Hopoate during a Rugby League footy match. You know what John (BROWN FINGERS) Hopoate likes to do to footy players on the opposite team, especially when they are wearing really stubby footy shorts!

– Being a beer swilling yobbo at a local pub that has no beer. Yobbos can’t survive without beer!

– Thrown in a prison cell with nothing but a “Richie Benaud’s Autobiography” book. Now THAT’s boring!

– Being a little Aussie kid chanting “USA! USA! USA!” at the Melborune AFL Aussie Rules footy match. I guess the kid has been watching too much Simpsons episodes and doesn’t know that the Australian chant is “Aussie Aussie Aussie!!! Oi Oi Oi!!!”

– Some bastard pulling a prank on you by putting dark gooey shit to an empty Vegemite jar and passing it off to you as Vegemite. When you spread it on toast and eat it you’ll be chucking up in the dunny.

– Being the janitor cleaning a passenger jet after a shitfaced footy team has been on it. When a footy team gets pissed on a few slabs of VB, they will not care where they decide to hang a piss so there will be urine flowing down the aisle of the plane.

– Getting smacked hard in the K-nackers with a cricket ball when playing cricket with your mates. OWWWWWWWLLLLLLLLL that would hurt!!!!! Cricket balls are SOOOOOOOO HARD!!!!!

– Having a wedgy up your bumcrack while you’re in the bloke’s change room. All the blokes would think you’re wearing a G-string.

– Some bugger filling the tray of your Holden Kingswood ute with polyfiller. You won’t be able to transport any beer slabs or your pisstank yobbo pub mates around.

 

Squackle Guestbook #20577

Sunday 10/06/2002 3:00:02pm
Name: shock the monkey
Homepage: http://www.supermoose.cjb.net
E-Mail:
I like to poke badgers with spoons
addapt to new habitats
flick stuff
I like Squackle!: Yes
Comments: cute site, your like the american us, but biggger. well that figures coz england is the size of dingos thingo. lil mands and aileens hands, bare fands and bormans grans. gugh.