angel – n. a male that pays for sex
“Angels don’t bite people”
– from the Internet
“what does an angel hafta do with you being out of bed?”
– Angels in the Outfield (1994)
MR. WHITE: “My wife is an angel!”
MR. BLACK: “Gosh! You are lucky. Mine is still living.”
Q: How do angels answer the phone?
A preacher dies, and when he gets to Heaven, he sees a New York cab driver who has more crowns. He says to an angel, “I don’t get it. I devoted my whole life to my congregation.”
The angel says, “We reward results. Did your congregation always pay attention when you gave a sermon?”
The preacher says, “Once in a while someone fell asleep.”
The angel says, “Right. And when people rode in this guy’s taxi, they not only stayed awake, but they usually prayed!”
God looked at Earth and wanted to know what kind of behavior that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out. So he called one of His angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time.
When he returned, he told God, “Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and 5% are not.”
God thought for a moment and said, “Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion.” So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time too.
When the angel returned he went to God and said, “Yes, it’s true-the Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving
and 5% are being good.”
God was not pleased. So He decided to E-mail the 5% that were good, because He wanted to encourage them. Give them a little something to help them keep going. Do you know what that E-mail said?
I didn’t get one either.
– Our next song is “Angels We Have Heard Get High”.
– Don’t let worry kill you–let the church help.
– Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
– For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
– Weight Watchers will meet a 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
– Jean will be leading a weight-management series Wednesday nights. She’s used the program herself and has been growing like crazy!
– The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
– This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
– Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
– This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
– The service will close with Little Drops of Water. One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
– Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the carpet should come forward and do so.
– The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.
– Thursday night–Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
– Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
– The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
– At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.
– During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when A. B. Doe supplied our pulpit.
– The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.
– The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Shirley Green, who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.
– The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet” in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
– The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
– Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
– Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.
– Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Q: When two angels meet, what do they say to each other?