Squackle Adages

A Squackle Adage follows the following formula:

1) Take a cliche/famous/inspirational/motivational quote.

2) Reverse two words in the phrase, particularly the important subject that is being addressed

3) Create new, hilarious meaning from something old and stale!

Here’s a list of the best ones and some sort of explanation as to what the “new quote” means.  If you’ve got some to add, comment below.

Better to not have it and not need it, than need it and have it.
(Original: Better to have it and not need it, than need it and not have it.)

Explanation: You’d rather not have things you wouldn’t usually want and actually need to use it.

I am feet on my light.
(Original: I am light on my feet)

Explanation:  I’m just a normal ass person who walks on top of light just like everyone else.

Out of miracles grow difficulties.
(Oiriginal: Out of difficulties grow miracles.)

Explanation: Miracles are hard to compare to after they occur.

Try to be a cloud in someone’s rainbow.
(Original: Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud.)

Explanation: Fuck happy people.

Change your world and you change your thoughts.
(Oiriginal: Change your thoughts and you change your world.)

Explanation: You won’t be the same person when the world around you is different.

No act of waste, no matter how small, is ever kind.
(Original: No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.)

Explanation: If you waste something, you’re an asshole.

If lemons give you lemonade, make life.
(Original: If life gives you lemons, make lemonade)

Explanation: If you get lemonade from lemons, impregnate something.

You don’t take 100% of the shots you miss.
(Original: You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.)

Explanation: If you miss you may as well have not done it.

Don’t smile because it happened, cry because it’s over.
(Original: Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.)

Explanation: You should feel bad about the thing you liked not being around anymore.

No gain, no pain.
(Original: No pain, no gain)

Explanation: If I don’t gain, then I don’t get hurt.  Cool.

What doesn’t make you stronger, kills you.
(Original: What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger)

Explanation: Everything kills you.

If you don’t have anything at all to say, don’t say anything nice.
(Original: If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.)

Explanation: You’re telling someone to shut up, basically, but in an even more assholish way than the “original” saying.

A doctor a day, keeps the apple away.
(Original: An apple a day, keeps the doctor away.)

Explanation: If you see a doctor everyday then you can refrain from having to eat so many damn apples.

Those who wait come to good things.
(Original: Good things come to those who wait.)

Explanation: If you wait longer you’ll “come” to something better than you had originally waited for.  So just keep waiting forever and never get anything!

Unexpect the expected.
(Original: Expect the unexpected)

Explanation: Forget what usually happens, even though its going to keep happening.

A thought for your penny?
(Original: A penny for your thoughts?)

Explanation: If I tell you something, will you pay me?

It’s going to be not impossible but hard is hard.
(Original: It’s going to be hard but hard is not impossible.)

Explanation: Don’t kid yourself, you’re going to have a hard time doing this shit.

If at average you don’t succeed; you are running about first.
(Original: If at first you don’t succeed; you are running about average.)

Explanation: If you usually don’t succeed, you’re probably doing something else.

Someday in a week, seven days isn’t one of them.
(Original: Seven days in a week, someday isn’t one of them.)

Explanation: One of the days in the week is not considered to be worth seven days.

People often complain about the lack of direction when the lack of time is the real problem.
(Original: People often complain about lack of time when the lack of direction is the real problem.)

Explanation: You might think you’re on the wrong path, but you really just don’t have enough time to do it right.  So half-ass it.

 

WoW Chat #25540

In trade chat, I’m trying to sell some pants…

davepoobond: WTS  [Phase-Twister Leggings] 5k

Headboss: lolwha

davepoobond: hard for you to read bruh?

Headboss: Those are worth about 100g brah

davepoobond: so youre an economist too?

Headboss: Did you want me to farm you an entire level 85 set in 5 minutes?

davepoobond:  so go do it

Headboss: Omw there now, prob upgrades to your chitty gear?

davepoobond: more like upgrades to your attitude

Headboss: Oh man

davepoobond: WTS  [Phase-Twister Leggings] 4.9k

Mirayu: is that meant for people leveling? or do people still play at lvl 85 cap?

davepoobond: transmog

Mirayu: oooh

Divinethis: look like shit

davepoobond: tell blizzard

Mirayu: guess i cant see it with my robe on, lol

Headboss: Pretty funny you’re trying to sell a vendor item in trade… for 5k

Headboss: Maybe you’re just exceptional at trolling

davepoobond: pretty funny that you care so much

davepoobond: go farm me an 85 set, what are you still doing in shrine

Headboss: I already farmed it bro

davepoobond: the only thing you sowed is your destruction

 

vactalz

vactalz – n. the kind of poop where you do nothing but sit on a toilet for 30+ minutes doing nothing but farting and making the bathroom smell like absolute rancid toxic warfare. The toilet is left unflushed with your piss because you are to come back, and you don’t even have the courtesy to spray an air freshener, turn on a fan, or open a window because you’re an uncivilized old smelly man who has a room full of trash you will never throw away