A lady walks into a welfare office and the guy at the desk asks her how many kids she has.
She says, “23, and they’re all named Billy.”
The clerk says, “Why would you do a stupid thing like that?”
She says, “So if I wanna call them all at one time, all I have to do is say Billy.”
The clerk asks, “But what if you only wanna call one?”
The lady replies, “Easy, I call them by their last name.”
1. 8:45 am (5:45am Glendale time) is too early for them to be up.
2. They are always late, they would have missed all four flights.
3. Pretty people on the plane distract them.
4. They would talk loudly & bring attention to themselves.
5. With food & drinks on the plane, they would forget why they’re there.
6. They talk with their hands, therefore they would have to put their weapons down.
7. They would ALL want to fly the plane.
8. They would argue & start a fight in the plane.
9. They can’t keep a secret, they would have told everyone a week before doing it.
10. They would have put their country’s flag on the plane.
One day, a girl named Jessica went online. She started talking to another girl. It started out normally………
–
Jessica: Hey person.
Other girl: Hello
Jessica: You’ve been a really interesting person to talk to.
Other girl: Really? Thanks. You really mean it?
Jessica: Yea.
Other girl: What’s ur name again?
Jessica: My name is Jessica. What’s urs?
Other girl: I can’t really tell u.
Jessica: Why?
Other girl: Because I’m dead.
Jessica: What?
Other girl: I’m dead.
Jessica: How can u be dead? I mean, dead people don’t i.m. living people.
Other girl: Yes they can because I can.
Jessica: Ok then, so ur dead. Ok. So what’s ur real name now that I know that u are dead?
Other girl: Mary, or at least it is now.
Jessica: So where do u live ‘dead person’ and what’s ur last name and ur real name?
Mary: Do you really want to know?
Jessica: Yea, duh. I mean, ur probably lyin and I wanna know who u really r by lookin in the phonebook.
Mary: You really wanna know??Jessica (Feeling Frustrated): Yes. I DO! Now just tell me ur dumb name!
Mary: I”m not dumb.?Jessica (Calming down a little): Fine then. Ur not. So tell me ur name.
Mary: I live in mirrors and travel by them, and my full name is BLoody Mary.?Jessica (Laughing): You can’t be bloody Mary. There’s no such thing!
Mary: Are u sure about that? Do you wanna find out the hard way? I know everythin about u. I know where u live, what u like, who u like, ur favorite color, ur full name, and I know what u are scared of.
Jessica: Ok, ur really freakin me out now. Stop it!
Mary: I won’t. If u don’t copy this conversation down and send it to 15 people, I will come to you.
–
The Next Day…
–
Jessica woke up in the morning after sending a copy of her conversation to 15 people. She went into her bathroom and turned on the lights. She looked
into her mirror and all of a sudden, the lights went out. She looked into the mirror and saw a person standing next to her with a long blood covered knife.
She was holding it up over Jessica’s head. Jessica looked around and felt around but felt nobody else in the room. She turned around and turned on the
lights. She turned around and there was no person beside her or in the mirror anymore. Then she looked on the ground and saw something red. She bent down and felt it. It was wet and looked like blood.
Bloody Mary didn’t hurt Jessica only because she sent the e-mail to 15 other people. Now you have to too or Bloody Mary might get you.
Send it to 14 or lower people, and you never know what might happen…
NO SEND BACKS!
Two doctors opened an office in a small town.
They put up a sign reading:
“Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology.”
The town council was not too happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it to: “Hysterias and Posteriors.”
This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to: “Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.”
No go! Next they tried “Catatonics and Colonics” Thumbs down again.
Then came, “Manic-Depressives and Anal-Retentives.”
But is was still not good! So they tried:
“Minds and Behinds”
“Analysis and Anal Cysts”
“Nuts and Butts”
“Freaks and Cheeks”
“Loons and Moons”
“Lost Souls and Butt Holes”
None worked.
Almost at their wits’ end, the doctors finally came up with a title they thought might be accepted by the council:
“Dr Smith and Dr Jones, Odds and Ends.”
APPROVED.
Q: Why doesn’t KFC have toilet paper?
A: Cause it’s finger lickin’ good.
When you’ve got a lot of used books to deal with, you’re bound to find something… unique in a few of them.
“She’s from London, Europe.”
– Ashface
Parody of “Baby One More Time,” by Britney Spears.
–
There’s more than 1 way to “blow up”…
Oh baby baby
How was I supposed to grow?
Into this size 9 here..
Oh baby baby
The doc should have let me know..
And now my shirt’s too tight,yeah..
He asked me how many cc’s
of silicone that I could hold..
Now-
My Double D’s are killing me..
I must confess sometimes I leak..
My shirt’s see through you can see my spine,
Give me a dime..
Get my doctor on the line!
Oh baby baby-
I wheeze when I squeeze,it true.
I can feel the bones behind them..
Oh baby baby-
Can you cut each one in two..
Or maybe I could cram them..
Before-going on MTV..
Are they big enough for my new show..?
Because-
My Double D’s are killing me..(filling me)
I must confess sometimes I leak,(sometimes I leak)
My shirt’s see through,you can see my spine-
Give me a dime..
Get my doctor on the line!
Oh baby baby-
You know I’m suppose to blow
your money on my tight brassieres..
Oh baby baby
I shouldn’t have had the hose..
Go and fill them through my right ear..
You promised me an average c-
But these basketballs are hitting my nose..
And-
My Double D’s are killing me (spilling free)
I must confess sometimes I leak (sometimes I leak)
My shirt’s see through,you can see my spine-
Give me a dime..
Get my doctor on the line!
“Hardy rock & roll slam a fifth smoke a bowl for all those preps who think their cool think again ’cause STONERS RULE!”
– tok-a
“dont drink bleach.”
– mary
“*ouch!!! ur gonna need some ice cuz u just got burrrrrned!*”
– coke~n~chips
“god made land god made sea god needed a princess so he created me”
– miss sxc
Your momma’s so fat that when she jumped into the ocean the whales started singing “We are Family.”
“i’m happy-pappy the otter of squirrels,tofu,and shiny stuff of DOOM!”
– happy the otter
“I can obtain my self”
– princess