Mother space creature to her son: “Junior! What are you doing?”
Junior space creature: “Chasing this Earthling around a tree”
Mother space creature: “How many times have I told you not to play with your food?”
Mother space creature to her son: “Junior! What are you doing?”
Junior space creature: “Chasing this Earthling around a tree”
Mother space creature: “How many times have I told you not to play with your food?”
Q: What do you get if you cross a karate expert with a tree?
A: Spruce Lee.
Leslie: Hey, what are you doing up in that tree?
Anne: The sign says keep off the grass!
Q: Why did Tigger hop through the woods?
A: He didn’t want to step on Pooh.
Q: What is a green and pecks on a tree?
A: Woody wood pickle.
miligan – v. to film pornography in a tree
nunivak – n. a tree that bites you in the ass
yml – adj. near trees
treemint – n. a tree-flavored mint
agbalaya – n. a lost tree stump
saw – n. a thing that destroys trees
I asked for a flower,
He gave me a garden.
I asked for a tree,
He gave me a forest.
I asked for a river,
He gave me an ocean.
I asked for a friend,
He gave me “YOU.”
Ed finally decides to take a vacation. He books himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeds to have the time of his life –until the boat sank. He found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies…nothing…only bananas and coconuts.
Four months later, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to him. In disbelief, he asks her, “Where did you come from? How did you get here?”
“I rowed from the other side of the island,” she says. “I landed here when my cruise ship sank.”
“Amazing,’ he says. “You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you.”
“Oh, this?’ replies the woman. “I made the rowboat out of raw material I found on the island. The oars were
whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm branches. And the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree.”
“But, but, that’s impossible,’ stutters Ed. “You had no tools or hardware. How did you manage?”
“Oh, that was no problem,” replies the woman. “On the south side of the island, there is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed. I found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forge-able ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware.” Ed is stunned. “Let’s row over to my place,” she says.
After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As Ed looks onto shore, he nearly falls out of the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, he could only stare ahead, dumbstruck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, “It’s not much, but I call it home. Sit down please. Would you like to have a drink?”
“No, no, thank you.’ he says, still dazed. “Can’t take any more coconut juice.” “It’s not coconut juice,”the woman replies. “How about a Pina Colada?”
Trying to hide his continued amazement, he accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces,
“I’m going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom.”
No longer questioning anything, Ed goes into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, is a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside of a swivel mechanism. “Wow! This woman is amazing!” he muses, “What next?”
When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines-strategically positioned-and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit down next to her. “Tell me,” she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, “We’ve been out here for a really long time. You’ve been lonely. There’s something I’m sure you really feel like doing right now, something you’ve been longing for all these months. You know…” She stares into his eyes.
He can’t believe what he’s hearing: “You mean—“, he swallows excitedly, “I can check my email?!”
Q: What is a tree’s favorite drink?
A: Root beer.
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Thank you.