sponk – n. a TV show on Noggin (a TV station). It has a gay gay host and 6 contestants in 2 teams of 3 doing improv with stupid things that people at Noggin.com submit or something
Tag Archives: television
Joke #9168
Although he was a qualified meteorologist, Hopkins ran up a terrible record of forecasting for the TV news program. He became something of a local joke when a newspaper began keeping a record of his predictions and showed that he’d been wrong almost three hundred times in a single year. That kind of notoriety was enough to get him fired.
He moved to another part of the country and applied for a similar job. One blank on the job application called for the reason for leaving his previous position. Hopkins wrote, “The climate didn’t agree with me.”
Joke #8866
“Cash, check or charge?” I asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I notice a remote control for a television set in her purse.
“Do you always carry your TV remote?” I asked.
“No,” she said. “But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the worst thing I could do to him.”
Joke #8864
Prince Charles had injured an eye and is wearing an eye-patch.
Sky News (satellite TV) tonight apparently called him “Your Royal Eyeless.”
Quote #6703
“its a scientific breakthrough! You can now catch bubbles!”
– from the TV
Interesting Facts
1. The citrus soda 7-UP was created in 1929; “7” was selected because the original containers were 7 ounces. “UP” indicated the direction of the bubbles.
2. Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least 6 feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.
3. The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as substitute for blood plasma.
4. American car horns beep in the tone of F.
5. No piece of paper can be folded more than 7 times.
6. Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.
7. 1 in every 4 Americans has appeared on television.
8. You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
9. Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty years of age or older.
10. The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley’s gum.
11. The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.
12. A Boeing 747s wingspan is longer than the Wright brother’s first flight.
13. Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
14. The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen’s “Born in the USA.”
15. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
16. The 57 on the Heinz ketchup bottle represents the number of Varieties of pickles the company once had.
17. The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.
18. Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.
19. The first owner of the Marlboro company died of lung cancer.
20. Barbie’s full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.
21. Betsy Ross is the only real person to ever have been the head on a Pez dispenser.
22. Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
23. Adolf Hitler’s mother seriously considered having an abortion but was talked out of it by her doctor.
24. Marilyn Monroe had six toes.
25. All US Presidents have worn glasses. Some just didn’t like being seen wearing them in public.
26. Walt Disney was afraid of mice.
27. The sound of E.T. walking was made by someone squishing her hands in jelly
28. Debra Winger was the voice of E.T.
29. Pearls melt in vinegar.
30. It takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL with enough leather for a year’s supply of footballs.
31. Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
32. The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.
33. Average life span of a major league baseball: seven pitches.
34. A duck’s quack doesn’t echo and no one knows why.
35. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
36. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
37. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
38. The average person’s left hand does 56% of the typing.
39. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
40. There are more chickens than people in the world.
41. Two-thirds of the world’s eggplant is grown in New Jersey.
42. The longest one-syllable word in the English language is “screeched.”
43. On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.
44. All of the clocks in the movie “Pulp Fiction” are stuck on 4:20.
45. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
46. “Dreamt” is the only English word that ends in the letters “mt.”
47. All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial, on the back of the $5 bill.
48. Almonds are a member of the peach family.
49. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies’ room during a dance.
50. Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
51. There are only four words in the English language which end in “dous”: tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
52. Los Angeles’ full name is “El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula”
53. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
54. An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.
55. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
56. In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.
57. Al Capone’s business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
58. The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street, were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra’s “It’s a Wonderful Life,”
59. A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
60. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
61. A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
62. It’s impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
63. The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.
64. In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.
65. The microwave was invented, after a researcher walked by a radar tube, and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
66. Mr. Rogers is an ordained minister.
67. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
68. There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.
69. “Stewardesses” is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.
70. Did you ever notice when you blow in a dogs face it gets mad at you but when you take the dog in a car it sticks its head out the window?
71. Sometimes…when you cry, no one sees your tears. Sometimes…when you are happy, no one sees your smile. But fart just one time….
72. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments!
73. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE.
74. David Duchovny was in a porno series called the Red Shoe Diaries where he read letters from people telling him a story, reading it aloud for his dog. He never got any, actually, in the show.
75. The main character from Pay It Forward died from a stomach wound
76. Dacky was made in paint by Fajita Bum
77. You CAN get into trouble for calling a white guy Aunt Jemima and calling him that name 10 times a day for a year
78. The AAA DOES NOT care about right triangles
79. Tiger’s Hit Clips don’t play the whole song. You buy less than a song
80. The cards in Guess Who? don’t actually talk
81. All the pets in really old movies over 10 years, are all (most likely) dead
82. Tagalong Girl Scout cookies cost 20 cents a cookie, at $3.00 a box of 15
Joke #5301
A blonde walks into an appliance store, looks around, points and tells the shopkeeper, “Sir, I’d like the TV on the 3rd shelf.”
The shopkeeper looks at her, and says , “I’m sorry ma’am, we don’t serve blondes. Please leave.”
The blonde was very angry, so she went home, dyed her hair brown , and returned the next day. She asked the shopkeeper, “How much is the tv on the 3rd shelf?”
The shopkeeper looked at her, sighed, and said, “Look ma’am, we don’t serve blondes! Please leave.”
By this time, the girl was infuriated. So she went home, shaved her head, and came back the next day. She asked the shopkeeper about the TV, and he told her, “Ma’am. I’ve told you. We don’t serve blondes, so you’ll have to leave.”
The blonde, in a rage, demanded, “How could you tell I am a blonde???”
The shopkeeper looked at her, shook his head, and said, “Because that’s not a TV… It’s a microwave.”
Joke #5271
There was a blonde and a brunette watching the 6 o’ clock news. The top story was about a man on top of the Rose Hotel threatening to jump.
The brunette turns to the blonde and says, “I bet you $50 he is going to jump.”
The blonde says, “Okay, then I’ll bet he won’t.”
Sure enough, the man jumped.
When the blonde paid the brunett the brunette says, “I’m sorry but I can’t accept your money.” The blonde replies, “Sure you can. It was a fair bet, you won.” Then the brunette says, “No, I saw the 5 o’ clock news and I already knew what was going to happen.”
Then the blonde says, “Well, I saw the 5 o’ clock news too and I was sure he wouldn’t jump again!”
vinnzo
vinnzo – v. to make a TV out of 2 light bulbs, some wire, and construction paper
ueoscy
ueoscy – v. to mess up your TV by putting a magnet to the screen
tonnjo
tonnjo – v. to throw a TV in a swimming pool
tenetbep
tenetbep – v. to listen to sitcom theme songs for 48 consecutive hours
stupid cunt
stupid cunt – n. a bitch like Sharon Turner that only watches 3 TV shows a week, but has 3 TVs in the house <see Sharon Turner and dumb bitch>
shagon wagon
shagon wagon – n. a panel van which in the back is like a luxury room with a bed for shagging and a TV set and other luxurious items or just plain space for good old fashion shagging!!!
Ex. The Aussie Holden panel vans on this page: http://mypvn.oldholden.com/
psahouland
psahouland – n. an annoying TV show full of people with Australian accents