Q: What has 47 teeth and holds a monster?
A: My pants’ zipper.
Tag Archives: teeth
kesklmya
kesklmya – v. to constantly berate someone into brushing their teeth without giving them the opportunity to make the decision for themselves first to do so
#22501: Para -> davepoobond
Para: ::jingles a baggy of teeth at him::
davepoobond: woowwee
Para: Heh
davepoobond: that was unexpected to see ya IM me
Para: Got my wisdom teeth removed.
Para: Heh
davepoobond: that’s funny
davepoobond: is your mouth all numb
Para: Nah, had em removed friday.
Para: Now I’m just in pain. 😀
davepoobond: heh
davepoobond: how many did you have?
Para: 4
davepoobond: i had 6
davepoobond: 4 on the top 2 on the bottom
davepoobond: stupid doctor made the joke saying i have extra wisdom
davepoobond: i wonder how many times a day those nurses have to hear that jackass say that same joke
Para: Lol, now that sucks.
Para: Mine were just huge.
Para: The bottom ones were twice as large as the top.
davepoobond: interesting
Para: Looks like you could have pulled em out of a small cow.
Para: Had to cut of part of my jaw bone to get one out.
davepoobond: ow
Para: It had pinched some bone.
Para: I have the jaw bone too. 😀
Para: Did you keep yours?
davepoobond: i dont know
davepoobond: i dont think they let me keep them
davepoobond: or my mom didn’t want to
davepoobond: something like that
davepoobond: they said the 2nd set at the top just crumbled when they took them out
davepoobond: i think i actually lost them
Para: Actually they aren’t supposed to let you keep them.
Para: They are a biohazard.
davepoobond: then i probably don’t have them
Para: I’m persistant though.
davepoobond: or never did
Para: Plus they usually have to cut impacted ones up to get them out.
Para: So I have 2 teeth in 5 different pieces.
Para: But I can glue em back.
davepoobond: heh
davepoobond: never know when you’ll need biohazard material, i guess
Para: Lol, they aren’t anymore.
Para: I washed em.
Para: I can understand why they would be.
davepoobond: people might eat them, they can’t take the chance
Para: It takes awhile to clean them, it would take them too long to clean them… so they would have to hand them to you bloody and with gum tissue hanging off.
Para: So I had a little gruesome bloody baggy off teeth for a bit.
Para: Creeped the hell out of my mom.
Para: I’m standing over the bathroom sink, about 4 hours after the surgery, a little dopey… and using a nail brush to scrap it all off.
Para: Which it didn’t work.
Para: So I had to boil them.
Para: She refused to come into the kitchen
davepoobond: ew
Para: Lol
Para: What, they are just teeth.
davepoobond: well you’re boiling them and scraping them
Para: Had to, rather do that then have rotten human flesh smell.
davepoobond: you could’ve always sucked it all off
Para: Can’t suck… can’t use a straw for a week.
davepoobond: meh
Para: Lol
Para: I don’t know why that seems to freak people out.
davepoobond: it doesn’t really
davepoobond: its just kind of nasty
Para: *shrugs*
Para: I had little options
davepoobond: the thought of seeing gum hanging off teeth dripping with blood
davepoobond: kind of unsettling
anior
anior – v. to brush your teeth 15 times a day
reflork
reflork – v. to put pants on by only using your teeth.
Joke #21184
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says,
“My dog’s cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?”
“Well,” says the vet, “let’s have a look at him.”
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says “I’m going to have to put him down.”
“What? Because he’s cross-eyed?”
“No, because he’s really heavy.”
Joke #20887
Q: What kind of teeth can you buy with a dollar?
A: Buck teeth.
Joke #20882
Q: What can you say to a dentist while he’s drilling a tooth?
A: If you strike oil, we’ll split the money.
Joke #18740
My dentist was telling me how much he had wanted to become a classical pianist.
“If only my parents hadn’t discouraged me,” he moaned.
“Don’t feel bad,” I responded as the doctor worked on my teeth. “There’s more than one way to tickle the ivories.”
School Absence Excuses
These are actual excuse notes from parents (including original spelling) collected from schools all over the country.
–
1. My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.
2. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
3. Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
4. Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.
5. Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
10. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
11. Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre) (dyrea) (direathe) the runs. [words in ( )’s were crossed out].
12. Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.
13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
14. Please excuse jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault.
15. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don’t know what size she wears.
16. Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
17. Sally won’t be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.
19. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
20. Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
21. Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn’t the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.
22. Please excuse little jimmy for not being in school yesterday. His father id gone and I could not get him ready because I was in bed with the doctor.
Joke #18401
Our crew at an ambulance company works 24-hour shifts. The sleeping quarters consist of a large room with several single beds, so we get to know one another’s habits, like who snores or talks in his sleep. While I was having my teeth examined by a dentist one day, he noticed that some of my teeth were chipped.
“It looks like you clench your jaw at night,” he said.
“No way,” I blurted without thinking. “No one has ever said I grind my teeth, and I sleep with a lot of people!”
Joke #18120
Q: What did the bad tooth say to the departing dentist?
A: “Fill me in when you get back.”
Joke #18117
MOTHER: “Has your bad tooth stopped aching?”
BOBBY: “I don’t know. The dentist kept it.”
Joke #18113
Q: What’s big and scary and fills cavities?
A: Dentist the Menace.
Joke #17964
Q: How do hard rockers keep their teeth straight?
A: Heavy metal braces.