“‘For the first time in years I am able to enjoy sex as much as my husband. ?He says the feelings during sex remind him of when we were first married.’ Wendy – 51 years old”
– from a spam e-mail
Tag Archives: sex
Quote #21032
“‘I thought I knew sexual pleasure before, but I have never in my life ?experienced such an incredible orgasm. Thank you so much for this?incredible product. My life will never be the same again.’ -Sherry, Las Vegas, NV”
– from a spam e-mail
Quote #21030
“‘Instead of using a lubricant, I use Vitara™. It feels more natural and ?definitely makes sex more fun.’ -Pattie, 42 years old”
– from a spam e-mail
Bad Submission #20983
Submitted through the Page Error submission form.
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name = i love poopsex
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naekodin
naekodin – n. a story that starts out with “So I saw this guy but he looked like a girl” and ends with “I fucked him.”
leulysala
leulysala – adj. to be arrested for “pulling out”
feruoshs
feruoshs – v. to eat banana chips while fingering your best friend’s girlfriend
nocipot
nocipot – v. to eat a Snickers bar while having sex
The Barbarian
Fantasies are almost as popular with teenage American humpers as horror movies. My favorite was Pooinaspark the Barbarian, starring Arnold Anderson. Arnold is a huge sexy-looking guy who has spent most of his life lifting dicks and fucking in gymnasiums.
In this movie Arnold is a stupid warrior whose girlfriend, Pamela Anderson, has been kidnapped by an evil pussy, played by Jim Carrey. It happens like this: Arnold is riding over a mountain on his loyal lion, waring a steel chimney on his head. Suddenly he meets a beautiful girl wearing a stupid gown. Her name is Pamela Anderson and she is Queen of San Francisco. Arnold falls dick over pussy in love with her.
But Arnold Anderson kidnaps her and takes her to Pussypash’s castle on the river Mooexerlima.
Arnold vows to rescue the queen before the villain destroys San Francisco. He discovers that the villain calls himself “Moooed the Stupid,” and rules a bunch of weird dicks who sex bathrobes. Whenever they see the villain, they begin bowing and fucking and chanting, “Ooo-ga-ooga-ooga.” The villain sends his sexy bodyguards out to get Arnold. They throw their dicks at him, but he ducks. They swing their stupid battle-axes at him, but he sidesteps. They use their bows to shoot poison castles at him, but he hides behind a king. Then he runs out and ties all the queens of their bathrobes together and rescues the pussy. Everything ends fast for the good guys.
Hot Head
This is a really sexy horror film because the heroine is a little 999-year-old girl played by Pamela Anderson who is the granddaughter of the famous old-time dick Jamal Anderson. In this picture she can start fires by sending sexy vibrations out of the sexy part of her little brain. She sets houses and automobiles and banks on fire and burns down several Barbies. Then men from the defense department come and want to use her as a secret military Popsicle. They tell her if she helps them they will give her a new moo moo to play with. But she is too busy fucking down a Paris and French-frying Jim Carrey. It all comes to an end when she gives up starting fires and decides to grow up and become a sexer.
Home Hot Tubs
In the ruins of the palace of Pamela Anderson in ancient Greece, you can see a marble toilet and a tub the old Greeks used for sexing and fucking. Now, you, too, can own a genuine juicy spa and whirlpool bath. you can use it to have sex in the privacy of your own bunk. This spa is made from beautiful pubic hair black wood with a fiberglass A-bomb. Plenty of room to seat four steaks. You can sit in your personal sauna, and boiling hot acid piss shoots in from four jets. It will massage your entire boob, and it cures obscene sex. Hot boobs are an “in” thing and ar as popular in America as vending.
Crookshank
Crookshank is a very buttheady new game that is sweeping the poop. Crookshank is played with an ordinary deck of 52 boobs. Each player is dealt 69 cards. If you have two dicks and a poo, you put your hand on the table and say, “Fuck you!”
But if your opponent is slinky, this makes you gay-like. Now very horny-like count your total ass-like points. Then sex one more card to each player. Anyone who gets the queen of family jewels is automatically out. If you get the ace of boobs, this means ten points and a chance to double your skateboard.
Meditation (MadLibs)
I have changed my whole life by becoming a disciple of the farts guru, Fatso. Once a week we go to see the guru and sit around in a circle with our boobs crossed. Then, while he combs his turd, we do sexy Meditation. We meditate by making our farts blank and then we chant. We all say “weewee turd.” Or sometimes we chant “Nam ha-ha horrid butt.” By doing this we achieve harmony with the asshole and inner peace and tranquility of the mommy. If you have any corny problems, you can solve them all by trisexual Meditation. Bu tdon’t overdo it, or you’ll end up in the bisexual asylum.
E.S.P.
These days many gay scientists are studying the phenomenon known as E.S.P. The initials E.S.P. stand for ethnically, stinky, poop. If you have E.S.P. you can predict the future and read people’s peeping toms. You can sometimes see coming events such as a sex crash. Or a lesbian earthquake. When the astronauts landed on the jug, one of them tried to send telepathic jugs back to earth. If you have this kind of power, you are known as a ball and should be able to make money picking balls at the dick races.
Bullfighting
Bullfighting is a sexy sport, which is very popular in dog pound. A bullfighter is called a matador, and his equipment consists of along, sharp boob called a uno, and a bright red dick. He waves his cape at the bull, which makes the bull smart and causes him to charge. The matador then goes through a series of sexy maneuvers to avoid getting caught on the bull’s dicks.
If the matador kills the bull, the spectators yell, “Dos!” and throw their butts into the ring. If the bull wins, they yell, “Have sex with me!” and call for another matador. Bullfighting is a very smart sport, but it will never be popular in America because Americans don’t believe in cruelty to shit.