In LEGO Island, you can be 5 different people. And you can do different things…as the 5 different people…and you can interactively walk around an island…called LEGO Island. And everything is made out of LEGOs! WOW! And all the LEGO people don’t know they were created by the leading innovator in the building blocks industry.

Graphics:

The graphics in the game are actually pretty cool. But it doesn’t work on Windows XP, so I can’t really see the graphics anymore. But its actually pretty good for a game that came out before the turn of the century. Boy…isn’t it great that I can say that?

Sound:

The sound is spectacular!!!!!111 I just love stupid LEGO people talking to me and me talking to them (not actually) and going through 10 minutes with the old information guy telling me what to do. I don’t care about you old man! YOU SHOULD DIE! IF I WANTED ANY HELP FROM YOU I WOULD HAVE CLICKED ON YOU, BUT I DIDN’T SO STOP TALKING ARRRRGHH!!4

Gameplay:

Point and click…there’s different things you can do in this game. Like race in a race that is almost impossible to win, deliver the same pizza to the same place over and over, or chase a stupid burglar everywhere around the island. That is actually the best part of the game (chasing a burglar that is). You go through the mountains, you go through the city, and you never seem to catch him ever. I don’t think I caught him when I played this on my older piece of crap computer (but at least this game worked on it, i guess i had a reason to be happy to have it), cause the only thing I did do on this computer was get these ultra cool screen shots that have the game not displaying correctly! I’m so cool.

Crappiest Part:

How it is poorly made, and how it doesn’t work on Windows XP (at least I can’t figure out how to make it display correctly, not like I’d really want it to, now that I think about it)

Overall Score:

I probably would’ve liked this game better if i were 4 years old, with a piece of crap computer that could run this game correctly, but in the end this game just sucks. Do me a favor and boycott all LEGO software. It makes no sense too. If you want to play with LEGOs, buy one from the LEGO section, not the software section. I don’t wanna build things on the computer. “hey mom, look what I uncreatively made on the computer, with the help of my LEGO software!”

1/10

Lists

Top 15 Reasons for Being Fired from Toys ‘R Us

September 15, 2007 davepoobond Leave a comment

15. A little too much joie de vivre while demonstrating the erector set, if you know what I mean.

14. Every time you’re passed over for a promotion, you stick your head in an Easy Bake Oven and threaten to “end it all.”

13. You got caught adding a garage to your house using embezzled Lego bricks.

12. Numerous parental complaints about your “Tickle Me Carl The Stockboy” display.

11. You went overboard with your GI Joe Militia display by adding the Tonka truck full of fertilizer.

10. Cross-dressing the Ken and Barbie dolls and telling kids they’re the new “Jerry Springer” edition.

9. The “My Little Taxidermy Kit” (with starter squirrel) is not selling.

8. Impromptu demonstrations of why Malibu Ken is not anatomically correct.

7. Got caught doing your Dolly Parton impression with basketballs again.

6. Source of reefer smoke finally traced to “nostrils” of Geoffrey the Giraffe.

5. Jaws of life needed to pull your knees out of your chest after you jackknifed a Big Wheel.

4. Caught hocking phlegm into tykes’ hands and telling them it was “homemade Gack.”

3. Your sales display, “Barbie’s Struggle for Survival in Post-Nuclear Holocaust Malibu” was not exactly an overwhelming success.

2. Too many reports from people who swear they saw Geoffrey the Giraffe in a leather bar.

1. Regardless of the question, you answer, “Bite me, kid — I’m on break.”

Other Junk

SANTA CLAUS: An Engineer’s Perspective

September 2, 2007 davepoobond Leave a comment

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference Bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per house hold, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each.

II.

Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second.

This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per house-hold; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa’s sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second — 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.

III.

The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the “flying” reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount, the job can’t be done with eight or even nine of them — Santa would need 360,000 of them.This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).

IV.

600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second crates enormous air resistance — this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth’s atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip. Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to centrifugal forces of 17,500 g’s. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.

Therefore, if Santa did exist, he’s dead now…