Tag Archives: internet

CrazE-mails, Chat Logs

CrazE-mail #22084

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I have a Craigslist posting that I can help people with quick computer problems or troubleshooting something, with a more software-inclination, rather than hardware.  I don’t get any responses to it, but I did get the following.

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from:  Sweetandfun
date:  Fri, Sep 2, 2011 at 8:19 PM
subject:  Quick Computer Troubleshooting/Help

Hello I need help!!! Can u help me wipe out some old stuff on google please give me a call im Sweetandfun <insert phone number here>

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from:  davepoobond
date:  Fri, Sep 9, 2011 at 9:14 PM
subject:  Re: Quick Computer Troubleshooting/Help

I’m afraid that is outside of the scope of my power. The only way to remove search results on Google is by removing the items on the originating web site. Once they are removed, then it will take a couple of days or more for Google to clear it out of its search results.

Hope that helps you.

Jokes

Joke #21638: No Send Backs

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One day, a girl named Jessica went online.  She started talking to another girl.  It started out normally………

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Jessica: Hey person.

Other girl: Hello

Jessica: You’ve been a really interesting person to talk to.

Other girl: Really? Thanks. You really mean it?

Jessica: Yea.

Other girl: What’s ur name again?

Jessica: My name is Jessica. What’s urs?

Other girl: I can’t really tell u.

Jessica: Why?

Other girl: Because I’m dead.

Jessica: What?

Other girl: I’m dead.

Jessica: How can u be dead? I mean, dead people don’t i.m. living people.

Other girl: Yes they can because I can.

Jessica: Ok then, so ur dead. Ok. So what’s ur real name now that I know that u are dead?

Other girl: Mary, or at least it is now.

Jessica: So where do u live ‘dead person’ and what’s ur last name and ur real name?

Mary: Do you really want to know?

Jessica: Yea, duh. I mean, ur probably lyin and I wanna know who u really r by lookin in the phonebook.

Mary: You really wanna know??Jessica (Feeling Frustrated):  Yes. I DO! Now just tell me ur dumb name!

Mary: I”m not dumb.?Jessica (Calming down a little):  Fine then. Ur not. So tell me ur name.

Mary: I live in mirrors and travel by them, and my full name is BLoody Mary.?Jessica (Laughing):  You can’t be bloody Mary. There’s no such thing!

Mary: Are u sure about that? Do you wanna find out the hard way? I know everythin about u. I know where u live, what u like, who u like, ur favorite color, ur full name, and I know what u are scared of.

Jessica: Ok, ur really freakin me out now. Stop it!

Mary: I won’t. If u don’t copy this conversation down and send it to 15 people, I will come to you.

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The Next Day…

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Jessica woke up in the morning after sending a copy of her conversation to 15 people. She went into her bathroom and turned on the lights. She looked
into her mirror and all of a sudden, the lights went out. She looked into the mirror and saw a person standing next to her with a long blood covered knife.
She was holding it up over Jessica’s head. Jessica looked around and felt around but felt nobody else in the room. She turned around and turned on the
lights. She turned around and there was no person beside her or in the mirror anymore. Then she looked on the ground and saw something red. She bent down and felt it. It was wet and looked like blood.

Bloody Mary didn’t hurt Jessica only because she sent the e-mail to 15 other people. Now you have to too or Bloody Mary might get you.

Send it to 14 or lower people, and you never know what might happen…

NO SEND BACKS!

People, Screwed Up Chronicles

First Day of Working Out

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Well, I started working out this week on Thursday.  It was sort of fun being able to do the exercises with someone else.  I’ve never really done exercises with anyone else and its good to have a friend there cause he can tell me what I’m doing wrong or tell me how to exercise more efficiently than I would otherwise.

I’m not a health guru or even that knowledgeable about things you can do in the gym so its nice to be able to have someone there.

Recently my mom has been drilling into me that I am almost thirty years old (I’m only 25), and practically telling me that I’m fat and unsuccessful.  She’s told me that she regretted sending me to college because my major has done nothing for me.  I think its terribly unfair that she says these things because she’s making it seem like my life is already over.  She says I have no ambition and that may be true, but ambition isn’t for everyone.  I don’t see how doing random things that she envisions me doing that I have no interest in doing dictates whether or not I have ambition or not.  The things I am ambitious about are all with the internet, with my web site and my ability to create, and that’s good enough for me.

In either case, it wasn’t so much of a wake-up call as it was just making myself better, and having enough of living the way I have been.  Yes, I want to make my mom stop telling me to lose weight and to stop poking and prodding me to getting a job, but if its not those things it’d be another.  That’s always how it’s been with her.  In high school when I wasn’t “dangerously” overweight (I was still overweight, I’ve always felt that way) it was me being on the computer too much or me spending too much time playing games, or whatever.  If it’s not one thing, it’s another.  Those things haven’t directly affected anything in my life, and blaming anything but my own attitude and complacency would be a scapegoat.

CrazE-mails, Ridiculous Spam Mail

Ridiculous Spam Mail #21057

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The little guy gets screwed again…

Enron?  K-Mart?   Major companies are folding, Executives are ripping off the little guy.

Who can you trust?   Yourself.

Did you hear the story of the guy who had a 1.5 million dollar 401K with Enron and it’s now worth ZERO!  There’s no better time to think about having something to fall back on… a business of your own.

I’ve made millions of dollars on the Internet and I answer to no one.  I have no boss and I can say “no” to whomever I wish (except my wife).  If I don’t want to get up until 10 a.m. one day, I don’t.  If I don’t want to work 5 days a week, I won’t.

No one runs my life except me and no one can ruin it.

It should be this way for everyone.  And it can.  You CAN do what I’ve done and find freedom through owning your own business.  The only thing that is stopping you right now… is YOU!

I’ll even make it easy on you.  I’ll guarantee that you can use my system and make $1,000 in 15 days or less!  I’ve done it regularly for years now, and so can you!

CrazE-mails, Ridiculous Spam Mail

Ridiculous Spam Mail #21048

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The U.S. government wants to head off the future hacker attacks and viruses against its computers and decided to create a new “corporate Internet.”

This makes sense as the U.S. government is frequently the target of computer-based attacks. This corporate Internet will allow government workers to pass sensitive information back and forth with a greater sense of security. At least that’s the idea behind GovNet.

So Richard Clarke, special advisor to the President for cyberspace security, asked the U.S. General Services Administration (GSA) to issue a procedural “request for information” (RFI) from the telecommunications industry.

Last week, the time for the RFI passed and GSA received 167 responses. Now, 16 different government agencies will evaluate the submissions and, in February, will let the White House know its recommendations.

Guides

The Idiot’s Guide to Internet Success!

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Let’s begin:

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Q: How long will it take me to get insanely rich?

A: Depends on you. Probably two weeks. Some people take as long as a month.

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Q: Does it take hard work or long hours to get insanely rich?

A: No. This is the Internet.

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Q: Can just anybody get insanely rich?

A: Yes. This is the Internet.

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Q: How do I proceed?

A: As you’re surfing around the net you’ll see banners and links that say things like “Make Fourteen Million Dollars in Ninety Days, Click Here to See How!” Simply click the link to get started.

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Q: It won’t really take ninety days though, will it?

A: Of course not. They just say that so you’ll be pleasantly surprised and so it doesn’t sound like hype.

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Q: Okay, I’ve found one that says “Retire to Your Own Caribbean Isle in One Month!” Is that good?

A: Perfect.

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Q: What does MLM mean?

A: Nobody really knows. Morons Lose Money has been snidely suggested by the little-brains.

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Q: I signed up and now I sell low phone rates. They say it’s the easiest thing to sell because everyone uses a phone.  And since it’s MLM, by the time my third level is operating I’ll be making $345,915.45 per week.

A: Conservatively.

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Q: They say the first step is to get my mother into the program. Why is my sponsor happy that Mom has Alzheimers?

A: Your sponsor is a shrewd business person. People with any sort of memory disorder make the best targ… uh, clients.  You can switch your mother’s long distance carrier for her, and then start calling the other members of her support group.

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Q: That sounds a little fishy.

A: The ends justify the means. You are offering people substantial savings on long distance. It’s for their own good.

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Q: How else can I get new business?

A: Spam. Spam. Spam.

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Q: I thought spam was bad.

A: No, spam is good. Anyone who says it’s bad is just jealous because their brains are too small.

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Q: But won’t I lose my web host and ISP?

A: In the get-rich-quick business, it’s important to cultivate a zen-like non-attachment to service providers.

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Q: What else can I do to promote my new business?

A: Here’s a list of suggestions:

– Sign up with a free website provider and fill your site with zany colors and flashy banners.
– Join every free banner exchange.
– Get your own free-for-all links page.
– Hire a bulk emailer.
– Sponsor a golf tournament.

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Q: Okay, I’ve done all that and I’m still not rich. I haven’t even driven my hit counter to its knees yet. What am I doing wrong?

A: It’s possible that you’re not very bright. Consult one of your friends who has retired on their Internet earnings.

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Q: What if I don’t have any friends who have retired on their Internet earnings?

A: Then contact someone on the Internet who has retired on their Internet earnings.

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Q: What if I’ve never heard of anyone retiring from their Internet earnings?

A: Well, then maybe you can be the first.