Two old maids were talking and one asked the other, “What would you like most in a husband — intelligence, wealth or appearance?”
The other spinster quickly replied, “Appearance. And the sooner the better.”
Tag Archives: husband
Joke #12957
MAN #1: “Wow! What happened to you?”
MAN #2: “A husband beat me up for kissing his bride.”
MAN #1: “At the wedding?”
MAN #2: “No. Two years after it.”
Joke #12937
I don’t trust the physician my husband goes to. When the doctor gives him a shot, it comes out of a bottle.
Joke #12862
I heard a story about a husband whose wife was never pleased with any present he bought her. So one Christmas he decided to give her cash as a gift. Naturally, she exchanged it for something else.
Joke #12861
Did you hear the story about the divorcee who was concerned about ecology? She got married eight times because she wanted to keep recycling husbands.
Joke #12850
SALLY: “I just can’t find the man who’ll make me the perfect husband.”
TILLIE: “Maybe you’re asking too much.”
SALLY: “Nonsense! Al I’m looking for is a man who’s kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?”
Joke #12847
“I just got a role in a movie,” an actor said to his agent. “I play a hen-pecked husband married to a woman who lives with her mother and four teenaged daughters.”
“That’s nice,” said the agent. “But too bad it’s not a speaking part.”
Joke #12780
WIFE: “It’s outrageous that this tow truck driver is charging fifty dollars to tow us only two miles.”
HUSBAND: “Don’t worry, dear, he’s going to earn his pay. I have the brakes on.”
Joke #12773
Q: Did you hear about the lady who was proud to call herself a housewife?
A: She was married to Matthew J. House, a wealthy businessman.
Joke #12743
My husband is killing himself trying to keep up with the Joneses. They’re joggers.
Joke #12710
WIFE: “Wake up! Wake up! There’s a burglar in the kitchen and he’s eating the leftover stew we had for supper.”
HUSBAND: “Go back to sleep and don’t worry, dear. I’ll bury him in the morning.”
Joke #12707
LADY: “Tell me, if I took out a million dollars worth of life insurance on my husband he died the next day, what would I get?”
ATTORNEY: “Life!”
Joke #12425
My husband keeps me on a strict allowance… fifty words a day!
Joke #12424
My wife and I argue so much that when our anniversary comes around, we celebrate it with a minute of silence.
Joke #12423
My husband makes my life miserable. If I were reincarnated as a dog, he’d come back as a flea.