“example: there’s a spider…”
::stomps on the floor::
“…ey, guess what, the spider is dead”
– Mr. P-yooson
Tag Archives: floor
Joke #12979
A tenant was complaining to his landlord. “My roof is leaking and the rain keeps coming through the broken window causing my floors to be flooded. How long is this going to continue?”
The landlord shrugged. “How should I know? I’m not a weatherman!”
Joke #11705
Q: Why did the space creature eat through the rug?
A: He wanted to see the floor show.
Joke #11217
Q: How did the man with a metal pole stuck through his head feel after his brains started to ooze out on the floor?
A: He felt he was slipping.
Joke #11175
Q: What do you call a newscaster who falls on the floor and gets sick?
A: Spew Downs.
Fun Stuff To Do
– Keep telling the same person that they have bad breath even if they don’t, then punch them in the face.
– Announce in a meeting that you have AIDS. Then after everyone gives you sympathy remarks tell them you were just kidding and tell them they are all a bunch of queers.
– Before a meeting, fill your mouth with custard. Then during the meeting put one finger in the air and make like you are hocking up a big loogie. then spit the custard into a clear glass and hand it to the person next to you and say “beat that.”
– Inform a co-worker that he wouldn’t make a good hooker then piss in his coffee and tell him he needs a good ass-fucking.
– Walk around with a big smile on your face while keeping one hand down your pants.
– Answer every question with “fuck if I know” then call the person a racial slur that doesn’t even match their race.
– Brag about the fact that you own a gun and keep playing with your nuts, get them really sweaty , then walk around shaking everyone’s hand.
– Shit on the floor of your office and when someone comes in and sees it tell them that it’s the fake plastic kind. When they try to pick it up and realize that their hand is full of shit, laugh and point.
– Run down the hall with your dick out while pissing all over the place and yell “It won’t stop!” then when it stops, look down and say “oh.”
10. ask to borrow someon’es pen. take it to the bathroom and stick it in your ass. return it and tell the person to smell it. when they tell you it smells like shit say ” it should i had it in my ass !! “
19 Things To Do In The Bathroom
Ways to annoy your Public Bathroom Stallmate-
1. Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor,”May I borrow a highlighter?”
2. Say “Uh oh, I knew I shouldn’t put my lips on that.”
3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise
4. Say, “Hmmm, I’ve never seen that color before.”
5. Drop a marble and say, “Oh sh**!! My glass eye!!”
6. Say “D***, this water is cold.”
7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place and sigh relaxingly.
8. Say, “Now how did that get there?”
9. Say, “Humus. Reminds me of humus.”
10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling,”Whoa Easy boy !!”
11. Say,” Interesting….more sinkers than floaters”
12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peaunt butter on a wad of toliet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, “Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?
13. Say, “C’mon Mr. Happy! Don’t fall asleep on me!!
14. Say, “Boy, that sure looks like a maggot”
15. Say, “D***, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?”
16. Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.
17. Before you unroll toliet paper, conspicusly lay down your “Cross-Dressors Anonymous” newsletter on the floor visiable to the adjacent stall.
18. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, “Peek-a-boo!”
19. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing “Born Free”
Joke #5248: The Doctor’s Patients
A doctor of psychology was doing his morning rounds when he entered a patient’s room. He found his first patient sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Another patient was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.
The doctor asked the patient on the floor what he was doing. The patient replied, “Can’t you see! I’m sawing this piece of wood in half?”
The doctor then inquired as to why the other guy was hanging from the ceiling. The guy on the floor says, “Oh. He’s my friend, but he’s a little crazy. He thinks he’s a light bulb Doc.”
The doctor looks up and notices the guys face is going all red.
The doctor asks the wood cutter… “If he’s your friend, don’t you think you should get him down from there before he hurts himself?”
And the patient replies – “What? And work in the dark!”
Joke #5228: Hounded Out
Upon entering a little country store, a stranger noticed a sign reading, “Danger! Beware of Dog” posted on the glass door.
Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor besides the cash register.
He asked the store manager, “Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?”
“Yep, that’s him,” he replied.
The stranger couldn’t help but be amused. “That certainly doesn’t look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?”
“Because,” the owner replied, “before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.”
ganymed
ganymed – v. to get your balls frozen to the floor
extice
extice – v. to pick up a piece of poop and put it on your floor
d’modge
d’modge – n. a cement floor
Ex. You have a very nice d’modge.