“I tried a new raw fish diet. For a month I ate nothing but raw fish.”
“Did you lose weight?”
“No. But now I can balance a ball on my nose and bark like a seal.”
Tag Archives: fish
Joke #12820
Any sportsman will tell you that fish grow faster than any other game animal. That’s because every time a fisherman tells the story about the big one that got away, the fish grows at least another foot.
Joke #12815
Did you hear about the dumb fisherman who chartered a helicopter because he wanted to catch flying fish?
Joke #12811
There was this dumb trout who jumped out of the lake and up into the rain because he was tired of taking baths and felt like a shower instead.
Joke #12668
He’s the kind of fisherman who catches huge trout by the tale.
Tongue Twisters
– Each Easter Eddie eats eighty Easter eggs.
– Seventy sailors sailed seven swift ships.
– Joe jumps joyfully in June and July.
– Davy Dear ducks Dinah Dear daily.
– Fast Freddie Frog fries fat flying fish.
– Hairy Harry Hartley hurries home.
– Slippery southern snakes slide swiftly down ski slopes.
– Billy Bunny burst his big beautiful blue balloon.
– Fran fans Fred frantically.
– Fast Frank fries frankfurters and french fries.
– How many bagels could a Beagle bake if a Beagle could bake bagels?
– Seven silly skunks sighed sadly.
– Little Linda Lamb licks her lovely lips.
– “Shoot, Sally,” Slim Sam shouted shyly.
– Wee Willy whistles to wise Wilber Whale.
Joke #12615
A little boy went fishing with his uncle. After about an hour without catching a fish, the boy said, “Hey, Unc, you better take out your fishing license and show it to the fish.”
Joke #12500
The ocean is really polluted. These days, sardines have more mercury than thermometers.
Joke #12499
The trouble with fishing in polluted waters is that if you catch a whopper, you end up with your cake, but you can’t eat it.
Joke #12498
The waters in this country must really be polluted. The other day I saw a school of minnows picketing a stream.
Joke #12388
FIRST MAN: “My wife and I are going to the beach for our vacation.”
SECOND MAN: “We saved money on our vacation last summer. Instead of going to the seashore, we stayed home, and every morning my wife passed a fish under my nose and threw sand in my face.”
Joke #12242
Fish is not brain food. Books are.
Joke #11690
Q: What did the Martian say when he was told he couldn’t fish without a permit?
A: I’m doing very well with worms, thank you.
Joke #11671
Q: What’s the best way to catch a fish on another planet?
A: Have someone throw it at you.
Joke #11518
Game Warden: Didn’t you see the sign? It says, “No Fishing.”
Boy: I’m not fishing. I’m teaching these worms how to swim.