Tag Archives: cereal

Lists

Gross-Out Top 5 Lists

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Always…

1) Look both ways before crossing the street. (Road kill should always be small animals.)

2) Eat your cereal before it gets soggy. (Gag me with the spoon.)

3) Drink your milk before it gets hot. (Barf, anyone?)

4) Clean those crusty things out of your eyes before you try to walk around in the morning.

5) Give your teacher an apple; just check for worm holes and rotten parts.

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Never…

1) Eat greasy food before going on a roller coaster. (Sometimes what goes down does come up.)

2) Pick your nose and park it on the bedpost. (Who wants to see that later?)

3) Have Doritos before going on anything resembling a date. (Breath with a bad attitude.)

4) Drink anything anybody hands you. (Lugey alert!)

5) Wet the bed if you’re on the top bunk.

Commercials, Squackle Broadcasting Company

Twiggs Cereal

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Two kids are standing in a Forrest, at midnight, eating a bowl of Twigg’s cereal as a hippopotamus is hiding behind a tree, listening in on the kids.

 

Little Jimmy: “Yum this Twigg’s cereal sure is good…it has the real taste of wood with a hint of pine cone!”

 

Little Susie: “It’s a good thing that we decided to walk out in the Forrest at midnight and eat our Twigg’s cereal, especially with all those serial killers and priests walking around!”

 

The hippopotamus hiding behind the tree whispers to the TV screen.

 

Hippopotamus: “I’m going to dress up as a Priest so I can get some Twigg’s cereal!”

 

He dresses up as a priest behind the tree and he walks over to the kids.

 

Hippopotamus: “Hey kids! How about letting me get into the Twigg’s cereal! I’ve been at Children’s Ass…I mean Mass all day…boy it’s exhausting!”

 

Little Jimmy: “Sure thing Mrs. Priest Ma’am!”

 

Little Jimmy hands the ‘priest’ a bowl of Twigg’s cereal.

 

Hippopotamus: “Finally the great taste of the Forrest in one bowl of cereal! That woody pine cone flavor putting splinters into my mouth as I scream in pain!”

 

He starts dancing and he trips over a log and falls down, his priest clothing falling off, revealing his true fat self!!!!!

 

Little Susie: “It’s the hippo…hippo…hippotumas…eh however the fuck you say it…”

 

Hippopotamus: “Hippo – pot – thomas”

 

Little Jimmy: “You ludicrous hippopotamus, Twigg’s are for preadolescent homo sapiens!”

 

Hippopotamus: “Oh fuck! I mean…Oh Darn!”

 

The kids start laughing at him as he stands up and they take away his bowl of Twigg’s cereal. The Hippopotamus growls angrily and eats Little Jimmy in one bite.

 

Little Susie: “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”

 

Hippopotamus: “Come here BITCH!”

 

Little Susie starts running away and the Hippopotamus follows as they run off screen and then you hear bloody screams and things getting ripped to shreds as you see shoes and clothing and a few arms and legs fly by the screen. The scene ends when the bloody screams end and you hear a loud belch.

 

“Twiggs Cereal…part of your complete morning wood.”

World, Screwed Up Chronicles

The Ship-Bottle Theory

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Now everyone HAS to know how they do it. It’s SO simple. You know what Milk does right? And what does Kix, the cereal, does? They make people GROW right? So, all they have to do is make the opposite of Milk and Kix. They make a formula called Mlik and Punchz. Mlik and Punchz are the opposite of Milk and Kix and they help things Shrink. They feed a ship Mlik and Punchz and the ship shrinks. They then take the ship, wash the poop deck with shit with a sailor who was also shrunk with the ship and they shove the ship and the sailor into a bottle and cork it up. Now the sailor cleans the ship forever in that bottle. How could you not KNOW this?