Unspoken Words

Things You Will Never Hear A Woman Say:

1. I’ll sacrifice my career goals and dreams to stay home and cook for you.

2. Biologically my body is built to serve you and nothing else.

3. Oral sex is my favorite hobby.

4. During my bad week, I’ll get you a hooker.

5. Does this make my butt look too small?

6. PMS is just a myth.

7. That guy has great breasts.

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Things You Will Never Hear A Man Say:

1. I’ll sacrifice my career goals and dreams to stay home and cook for you.

2. Sure she has a great body, but how’s her personality?

3. Beer leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

4. When Bambi’s mother was shot I cried.

5. Forget the game, Oprah’s on!

6. It’s your decision.

7. I care.

 

Joke #5216: Pin-Up Number

Three guys go to a strip club. Trying to impress his friends, the first guy pulls out a ten dollar bill and beckons one of the strippers over. “Watch this,” the first guy says and sticks the ten between the stripper’s breasts.

“That’s nothing,” the second guy says. Then he whips out a fifty and sticks it between her legs. “Let’s see you top that.”

The third guy shrugs. “Alright,” he says. He takes out his ATM card.

“What are you going to do with that?” the first guy asks. The third guy swipes the card between the dancer’s butt cheeks, takes the sixty dollars and goes home.