“First & foremost please don’t message me about sex, paying my bills, & wanting to marry me. I’m not interested & I can pay my own bills.”
– from a girl’s dating profile
Tag Archives: bill
Joke #18659
A woman was getting swamped with calls from strangers. The reason? A billing service had launched an 800 number that was identical to hers. When she called to complain, she was told to get a new number.
“I’ve had mine for twenty years,” she pleaded. “Couldn’t you change yours?”
The company refused, so she said, “Fine. From now on, I’m going to tell everyone who calls that their bill is paid in full.”
The company got a new number the next day.
Joke #18595
I do the water and sewer billing for a small city in Washington State.
For years, customers complained about our postcard-sized bills — which they said looked too much like junk mail. So we decided to start sending full-sized bills in envelopes.
The month before the switch, I had a note printed on the cards, announcing the change.
Two days later, I heard someone yelling at our receptionist, “Is this some kind of joke?” When the customer threw his bill upon the desk, I saw his point. The note was,
“Coming soon! New Larger Bills!”
Joke #18089
A duck with a Band-Aid on his nose went to see his doctor.
“Are you hear about your beak?” asked the nurse.
“No,” said the duck, “I’m here about my bill.”
Joke #13271
Q: What’s the easiest way to charge a bill?
A: Tell William to wet his finger and stick it in a wall socket.
Joke #13221
My doctor told me to take tranquilizers once a month, right before I get his bill.
Joke #13211
PATIENT: “Doctor, now that you’ve diagnosed my case, can you cure me?”
DOCTOR: “I’m afraid I can’t, sir. You see, your illness is hereditary.”
PATIENT: “Well, in that case, Doc, send the bill to my father.”
Joke #13199
My physician’s bookkeeper must be a frustrated medical man. I caught him doctoring up my bills.
Joke #13185
My aunt is a bill collector. She’s had five husbands and they were all named William.
chiselitis
chiselitis – n. a medical condition diagnosed by the propensity to not pay medical bills
Joke #12598
MAN: “My son is sure learning a lot at business school.”
FRIEND: “Like what?”
MAN: “Well, he never writes home asking for money anymore. He just bills us for a loan.”
Joke #12546
The only people who get rich addressing envelopes are bill collectors.
Joke #12517
You can’t win today. To cut down on my electric bill, I started using candlelight at night. So what happened? …My house caught on fire and burned down.
Joke #12508
My creditors must think I’m a Congressman. They’re always sending me bills.
Joke #12478
Q: What’s the difference between an eleven-year-old girl and a fifteen-year-old girl?
A: A five-dollar difference in your phone bill.