Caller: Operator! Operator! Can you hear me? I’m hiding under my bed-spread so my parents can’t hear me.
Operator: Hmmm. Sounds like a cover-up to me!
Tag Archives: bed
Joke #11680
Q: Why did the space creature take hay to bed with him?
A: To feed his nightmare.
Joke #11489
Q: How do you keep a black kid from jumping on his bed?
A: Put Velcro on the ceiling.
Joke #11442
Sister: Why did you put that lamp in your bed?
Brother: I’m a light sleeper!
Joke #11441
Mother: Why are you taking that hammer to bed?
Bob: I want to hit the hay!
Joke #11435
Brother: Why are you taking that ruler to bed with you?
Sister: I want to see how long I sleep!
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Another version of this joke:
Q: Why did Billy take a ruler to bed with him?
A: To see how long he slept.
Joke #11409
A brother and sister had a fight and were sent to bed without any dinner.
After lying in bed for about ten minutes, the brother decided to make up.
So he tiptoed down the hall to his sister’s room, and whispered, “Are you awake?”
“I’m not telling you!” she whispered back.
Joke #11227
Q: What do you get when you cross a bed wetter with a grasshopper?
A: A puddle jumper.
Gross-Out Top 5 Lists
Always…
1) Look both ways before crossing the street. (Road kill should always be small animals.)
2) Eat your cereal before it gets soggy. (Gag me with the spoon.)
3) Drink your milk before it gets hot. (Barf, anyone?)
4) Clean those crusty things out of your eyes before you try to walk around in the morning.
5) Give your teacher an apple; just check for worm holes and rotten parts.
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Never…
1) Eat greasy food before going on a roller coaster. (Sometimes what goes down does come up.)
2) Pick your nose and park it on the bedpost. (Who wants to see that later?)
3) Have Doritos before going on anything resembling a date. (Breath with a bad attitude.)
4) Drink anything anybody hands you. (Lugey alert!)
5) Wet the bed if you’re on the top bunk.
bed
bed – n. a time traveling device in which propagates you to magically “awaken” a few hours into the future.
Joke #10756
Bill: “I was in bed with 102 last night.”
Sill: “Wow! It must’ve been very crowded.”
tomauillaje
tomauillaje – v. to have Korn playing on your bed
smaueominet
smaueominet – v. to trip while making your bed
Joke #9266: Power Breakfast
Every evening, a mother and her young son, knelt down beside his bed so he could say his prayers.
One night, obviously bored with the same old prayer, the little boy said: “Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, if I should die before I wake……can I have breakfast with you in the morning?”
Joke #9265: Wild Hearts Can Be Broken
A blonde man comes home from work and hears his wife yelling. He runs up the stairs and finds her in bed naked; the blonde asks his wife what’s wrong.
She says she’s having a heart attack. He runs downstairs to call 911 where he finds his 5 year old son.
The boy cries, “Daddy, uncle’s in the closet naked!”
So the dolt runs back upstairs and opens the closet and sure enough there was his brother naked in his closet.
“I can’t believe it!” he yells, “My wife has an emergency and you’re running around scaring the kids!”