Tag Archives: bastard

Quotes

Quote #25668: Talking in the mic

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“But new day Dole walked faster bastard bastard bastard bastard I can like halo you sock soccer soccer the sock and sought soccer sought to the socket socket soccer sought to the socket socket and button uday Dole walked faster bastard basta best

Enter

Messrs. Backspace that at that and an ten ten ten ten then then then that in But at But the prop of that, but Pope, ,.  Zero nine eight seven seven six and 54321 supply goal notebook gates of dell Galvin that’ll back”

– davepoobond, talking into one of those text to speech programs like 15 years ago

People, Screwed Up Chronicles

3 Pennies

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stimpyismyname had 3 pennies.

He told me that if I guessed which they’d all land on, I could keep the pennies.

If it didn’t land on what I guessed, I had to give him 3 pennies.

I guessed that they would all be tails, and when he tossed them on the ground, they were all tails, but he said I said all heads.

The bastard ended up taking the pennies.

Quotes

Quote #22184

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::davepoobond is filling up balloons::

::Vance is doing nothing, just walking around bitching about stuff but not actually helping with anything::

davepoobond: Vance, could you help me out and just hold this balloon  You don’t have to tie it or anything.

Vance: Nope!  Nope!  I don’t hold balloons!  I just do computer stuff.

davepoobond (thinking to himself): Lazy bastard.

– at davepoobond’s job, 6/13/07

Fairy Tales, Stories

The Sentinels of Sismob

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In the distant land of Bomsi, there lived a fair ruler, that received daily blow jobs from every hot woman in the place he rules. Even little girls, as soon as they are taught how, gave the king blow jobs. Yes, life was good. The children’s mouths almost resembled the shape of the king’s “weewee.” They were told this was good, because it would be a better advantage for them when sucking off the king because he would like it better.

The king loved his wife, but getting 2,000+ BJs a day wore him out. He had to take weekends off. But on the weekends he got to roam the streets of Licenburg, the capital of Bomsi, and fondle anyone he saw fit. What could the king do? He was a horny bastard.

But that’s when the army, called The Sentinels, from the neighboring country of Sismob invaded. Sismob had heard of these lude acts performed by the king and decided to put a stop to it, for the people of Bomsi’s sake. The Sentinels had advanced items of warfare – – swords. All that the defending Bomsians could do was just give them BJs to stop them, because that’s all they knew how to do. The sentinels felt sorry for them, and decided to kill them even before they touched their belts.

The General of The Sentinels, Hulk Hogan, had the most blood on his hands. He set aflame villages after villages with his monstrous Python Flamethrowers. He was called Devil Hogan by the Bomsians. But they’re just stupid.

When the King got word of the Sentinels of Sismob kicking ass, the King packed up his things, his wife, left his kids and went to a secluded area at the edge of the world.

After the Sentinels killed everyone in Bomsi, the Sismobs moved in, polluted the area with their SUVs and horse carriages and moved on. As for the king, he still got 2,000+ BJs, but from only one person. The Queen. She had the strongest jaw muscles in the world.

Fairy Tales, Stories

The Melon Conspiracy

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The magical world of Melone. Melone was beautiful place. So green, free from corruption. And so beautiful. From far away, the planet looked like a Honeydew Melon, orbited by a watermelon moon.

The technologically less superior planet of Squashe resented the happiness of Melone. When Melone had all these nice shapen melons, Squashe’s squash was in all messed up shapes, and most looked like huge penises. It wasn’t a very comforting fact to know that you are eating a limp penis. Pumpkins, Squash, Zucchini. The list goes on and on, and no one liked it. People treated Squashe like Squash. They passed it around the table, taking pokes at it and then pass it onto a gullible bastard who would eat the squash. No one liked Squashe. Not even the Squashens.

Squashens absolutely despised the Melonies, and often poked fun at them, even though none of their jokes were even funny. One was: What is the name of a male living on Melone? Melanie!

See? Its-not-funny. Anyway, RoboCop, the leader of Melone, decided enough was enough and RoboCop got all the Melonian armies and whupped Squashe’s ass. Yeah! Alright yessssss! Squashe stinks!!

RoboCop placed Melone’s flag on the highest point of Squashe. And so began the Melonian empire! This is what the flag looked like:

The END

Dictionary

iroabbynotavalentyn

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iroabbynotavalentyn – n. a no dick bastard who needs to suck his mom’s fat rolls me licks his dads croch and bites his Doggies Thing what ever it is he would know he plays with it all the time him and scott have unreal butt rape sex with eachother it is crazy he tells everyone about it it is sick but robb what ever floats your boat i know you put one in about me so here is yours dont lie your way out of it biatch your awsome later.