A battered and bruised man told his lawyer, “Las night I came home late and my wife hit me with a baseball bat. After she finished hitting me, her four brothers took turns hitting me with the bat. Next, her mother hit me with the baseball bat. Is that legal?”
His lawyer thought a moment, then replied, “Yes and no. Yes, it’s legal for your wife to hit you, but no, it’s not legal to bring in so many pinch hitters.”
A young kid asked the manager of a baseball team for a tryout before the game. The manager told him to come back when he was older. After the game the kid asked again for a tryout.
The manager yelled, “Look, kid, I told you to come back when you’re older.”
The lad answered, “I am older. I watched your team play and they aged me twelve years.”
Once there was the baseball coach who was so dumb, he thought he needed a boa constrictor to pull off a squeeze play.
The Army baseball team had lost its 20th baseball game in a row. On the way out of the park, one captain said to another, “Well, at least you can say one good thing about the team — they’re good losers.”
The other officer replied, “Good? They’re perfect!”
To call up a scuba diver, just dial…1-800-H20
To call up a star baseball player, just dial…1-800-RBI
“Looks like I missed the bull’s-eye,” Tom said aimlessly.
“Give me a rubdown,” Tom said sorely.
“Let’s go camping if the weather is good,” Tom said tentatively.
“I’ve got a great tennis serve,” Tom said faultlessly.
“Would you go fishing with me?” Tom asked with baited breath.
“What this team needs is a great home-run hitter,” Tom said ruthlessly.
“I’m retiring from baseball,” Tom said with resignation.
“Something is wrong with my bowling,” Tom said gutterally.
“Is this boat tilting, or is it my imagination?” Tom asked listlessly.
“Want to Indian wrestle?” Tom asked bravely.
“Our canoe is headed for the falls!” Tom said rapidly.
“This horse won’t stop,” Tom said woefully.
Teacher: Johnny, name the four seasons.
Johnny: Football, basketball, baseball, and soccer.
Strike Three – by U.R. Out
Last-Inning Cliffhangers – by D. Bases, R. Loaded
Last-Second Touchdown – by Justin Time
Interception – by E. Bluitt
The Referee Is Always Right – by R.U. Nuts
Sports Medicine – by Frank N. Stein
The Washington Redskins – by T.P. Dweller
Great Basketball Plays – by Jim Shoes
Improve Your Foul Shooting – by Mr. Completely
Basketball Bloopers – by Dub L. Dribble
Calisthenics – by Stan Dupp and Neil Down
Skateboard Hotdogging – by Frank Furter
Ice Hockey for Beginners – by I.M. Freezin
Hockey Plays – by I.C. Tose
Bowling Strikes – by M.T. Lane
Boxing Knockouts – by Seymour Stars
Q: What has eighteen legs and catches flies?
A: A baseball team.
Q: What do you call a player who falls asleep in the bullpen?
A: A bulldozer.
Doctor: What happened to you?
Patient: I went camping with a baseball player.
Doctor: What’s that got to do with your black eye?
Patient: I told him to pitch the tent, and he did.
Q: Where should a baseball team never wear red?
A: In the bullpen.
It was the new pitcher’s first game on the mound, and he was not having a good day. After walking his third straight player, the manager came out for a talk.
“That’s enough,” the manager said. “It’s time I bring in a relief pitcher.”
“But look who’s up to bat,” the pitcher said. “Last time that guy was up, I struck him out.”
“Yeah, I know,” the manager said. “But this is still the same inning.”
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
José.
José who?
José, can you see by the dawn’s early light…
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Philip.
Philip who?
Philip the bases.