Screwed Up Chronicles, World

10-10-Dead

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I remember a time where there were more than just one 10-10 number. 10-10-220, is the only one around anymore that you hear about. 10-10 numbers used to be everywhere you looked. There was 10-10-900, 10-10-100, 10-10-Prostitute, almost anything! But for some reason, they all disappeared, and 10-10-220 remained.

Now, I don’t know what happened to all those other annoying faggot ass 10-10 numbers, but 10-10-220 gets even more annoying with every new commercial. They use washed up actors (ALF) and once-popular-but-not-anymore sports figures (Mike Piazza, Hulk Hogan) and stupid country singers. They put them in stupid situations that wouldn’t happen in a million years, like that country singer guy and Mike Piazza playing darts and wanting some crappy chicken.

Now, I’m getting pissed off at stupid ALF and stupid Mike Piazza even more. Y’know what? They should put Mike Piaza and ALF in the same show. A talk show, like Regis and ____ (I put the blank because lately Regis has been trading hosts around like people at a 10 person orgy). It will be the worst show ever. And Hulk Hogan will be one of the band guys and they’ll have allegedly gay people on to interview like Ryan Seacrest and that stupid host from Married By America. But that’s a different rant.

Terry Bradshaw is another sucker that has fell into the 10-10-220 vortex. Recnetly I saw another commercial with a gopher somehow getting a dollar, and then Terry, who already has millions of dollars, goes down the gopher hole and hilarity(?) ensues….Good job Terry, you got a buck, so you can make a 20 minute phone call. Yaaaaay! DIE TERRY BRADSHAW YOU AND 10-10-220!

FUCK YOU 10-10-220! Why don’t you save YOURSELF 10 cents a minute by stopping your commercials and 10-10-die!

Screwed Up Chronicles, People

The Mystery of Shakespere

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Note: I wrote this for school.

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The mystery of Shakespeare is a very controversial issue. Uprising as a conspiracy in the last couple hundred of years, it is said that William Shakespeare himself actually didn’t write the plays, poems, and other works of art. There is proof that a William Shakespeare was born, shown on a birth certificate, and that he went to London to become an actor, shown on programs that had his name on it, being a character in the play.

 

Evidence that Shakespeare himself didn’t write the plays is that in the plays, it shows a sense of education that Shakespeare might not have known anything at all about, such as the great battles in other countries, history of different countries, and more that a son of a glover would most likely never know about, even if he did go to school.

 

The man that most people think is the real person that wrote all the works, was a man named DuVere. He was of royalty, and lived in the royal palace of England. He knew Queen Elizabeth, and had a private tutor that would have taught him everything that he needed to write the plays, poems, and others.

 

DuVere would have known the Duke of New Hampton, a man that has shown up in a lot of the Shakespearean sonnets, unlike William Shakespeare, who was just an actor.

 

DuVere wrote the plays and such, but put them under Shakespeare’s name, so that no one would find out he was the one that wrote them, because it was Un-Christian to write these things.

Screwed Up Chronicles, World

Why They Leave Pistachios In The Shells

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The reason is, so they can put less pistachios inside the bag of pistachios because, the shells take up more than half the bag. So, instead of 1 bag, they can make 3 bags out of the same amount of pistachios, so its 3 for the price of 1 and they save money, because they dont have to make people open the pistachios by hand and throw out the ones that dont have a crack in it they just jam it in the bag, and make US do it. WE should get payed for cracking open the shells! BLAHHHHHHH!

Screwed Up Chronicles, World

Wires

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I hate wires. Wires are really really stupid. Wires always get tangled up even if they’re in the same bag with something for 5 damn minutes, and then when you take it out of the bag, its all tangled up with any other wires that were in there, then you gotta spend 30 minutes untangling all the wires from each other, and while you hold a wire in your hand while your unraveling the others, THAT wire tangles up by itself in an even more complicated way, making you unravel the damn wire 2 times. Why can’t they make smart wires? Wires that won’t frickin’ tangle up when you put them together in a bag or whatever? AAAAAAAHHHH!

Screwed Up Chronicles, World

What is Culture?

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Culture is a way of life made up of religion and values, languages, social, or qanizahms customs and traditions, artistic expressions, and economic orginizations made by stupid people, during stupid, untechnological times that probably cant explain what a piece of poop in a can of beans is doing there in the first place, or tell you why i’m writing this thing!

Squackle Broadcasting Company, Films

The G8 Summit Meeting: The Truth Behind the Closed Doors

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In case you forogt, this is the “Group of 8” Meetings that happened a while ago.

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First, lets talk about how much George W. Bush sucks at being president. My pinky could run the U.S. better than that prick! At least my pinky never touched cocaine………or so I think….. and HE’S GONNA PUT US INTO WW3 because of his fuckin ballistic missile shit! We should launch HIM into the air and blow HIM up like a ballistic missile! That’s the only goodness we’d get out of that system! Here’s a little reenactment of Bush. Sr. talking to his son about the Ballistic Missiles:

 

Bush, Sr.: “Bush, Jr. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!”

 

Bush, Jr.: “I’m….getting ready for Desert Storm!”

 

Bush, Sr.: “You stupid idiot!!!! ::smacks him in the balls::”

 

Bush, Jr.: “Not my sack daddy, please stop smacking them around”

 

Bush, Sr.: “I TOLD you that i won that war a long time ago! Haven’t you seen that fancy pancy movie Three Kings?”

 

Bush, Jr.: “Ballistic missiles are fun to watch blow up Russia with! even though i had gay sex with the leader of Russia- ooooopss!”

 

Mrs. Bush, Jr.: “George! how DARE you! and without ME! I told you to not do anything sexual with any of the foreign leaders unless i was with you!”

 

Anyway. onto the G8 Summit…These are random things that could have happened during the meetings….

 

(Bush, Jr. plays with 2 missiles, making them fly in the air, and then have them crash into each other, throwing the pieces at the members of the G8 Summit committee)

 

Bush, Jr.: “…and so ends my explanation on the Ballistic Missiles”

 

(end)

 

Bush, Jr.: ::nudges the President of France next to him:: hey, sugar….wanna come back to my place?

 

President of France: ::bites Bush’s shoulder::

 

Bush, Jr.: AHHH! SON OF A BITCHHH

 

(end)

 

::Leader of Japan is talking about how Pokémon is good for the heart and soul, when….

 

A WHOLE GROUP OF MALE WHORES COME IN!!::

 

Bush, Jr.: ah! they’re finally here!

 

(end)

 

Bush, Jr.: AUHH! I’M A STUPID FACE POO MOM

 

(end)

Screwed Up Chronicles, World

Trash Cans – The Portal to Another World

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Have you ever been in a trash can? I haven’t, but I’ll tell you why trash cans may be the portal to another world. It may not be an instantaneous portal, but it’s a portal nonetheless.

 

Pretend you’re a Hostess Cup Cake Tray. Oh boy did the person that ate those cupcakes like those cupcakes. “mmmhmm” he even said, as he crumpled you up and stepped on you, that torturous bastard!

 

But you live anyway, as you’re tossed into the trash can. You try to heal your wounds, but it takes a while. That’s when a Janitor Monster comes. He’s so big and smelly its not even funny. He ties up the bag you’ve made a home in, and met your friends Banana Peel and Clothes Tag.

 

Everything is dark now. You’re moving around…going up…oh no! You’re falling! Aaaahhh!!! And finally you’re at the landfill. Nothing happens until night, when…The Aliens COME!!! AAAH!! They take the trash and make new aliens out of you so that one day, the Earth’s trash will kill them! Ironic ain’t it? The aliens give you a lot of sexual pleasure too. Its good to be trash!

Screwed Up Chronicles, World

It Would Be Really Strange If Cameras Flew

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It would be really strange if cameras flew, because they do. Then people with genitalia problems would not be cured, of course. And fire hydrants would explode, just because. There is no reason for cameras to fly, they just take pictures. Pictures steal a soul. Once you die, you become a part of all the pictures that were taken of you for eternity. That is, if you’re lucky. ahahahahahahaahahahahahaha….boo! Scared ya, huh? boohoo, made you cry! Captain Underpants! That’s a good book, you should get it. mmhmm! I have 1 of the 3 that are out.

Screwed Up Chronicles, People

What Teachers Think About Those “Stupid Clicky Eraser Thingys!”

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This portrays what a teacher thinks about when they hear a Clicky Eraser.

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“Aaargh those stupid clicky erasers! stop it! stop using them! Nooooo! click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click! AAAHHH! Its driving me CRAZY! I’m gonna kill that kid! I’m gonna kill the manufactures! I’m gonna kill everyone who has one of them! …good, it stopped! click-click-click-click. AAAAAAAAHHHH!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Ok, get a hold of yourself! umm…sing Lamchop’s play along song! Yeah! That’s it! Its a never-ending song! This is the song that never ends, it goes on and on my friends. click-click-click-click. This is the click that never ends, it goes on and on my friends! (the fuck?) We just started clicking, not knowing what it was, but that’s because because it is the click that never ends!”

Just about then, this teacher, which will remain anonymous, strangled someone, was sued, and is now piss poor. Too bad, just because of a clicky eraser, this honors physics college professor lost everything he had. The only defense he had during trial was “that stupid clicky eraser!”

Screwed Up Chronicles, World

Literacy Rates

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Literacy Rate is important. No one wants a stupid country. That’s just not good. Who wants to be allies with a country during a war that can’t read any of the things you send them saying, “hold your fire! we’re not going to war!” and instead, they bomb the whole damn country that you would have gone to war with. Please learn to read and write. (but if you can’t read, why are you here?)

Screwed Up Chronicles, World

Telemarketers

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Stupid people that call you with stupid things to sell. That’s the definition of a telemarketer. They waste your precious time on earth, with a stupid phone call that 99.9% of the people They call don’t buy the thing They’re selling. It makes me sick to just even think about being one of Them. They just call people all day, with a bunch of big fat phonebooks skimming down each name, not caring if they already called them, and the things that other people might do to you if they found out who you were. That’s why there shouldn’t be any telemarketers in the world. It would be a lot more peaceful place without them.

Screwed Up Chronicles, World

Pollution

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Pollution sucks. All these cars in the world. All these stupid smokers that smoke cigarrettes, cigars, marijuana, whatever. Those stupid arsonists. Those stupid fires. Stupid gas companies All those pollute the world. Littering doesn’t help at all either. One day this world will blow up because of all the pollution the worlds been polluted with. It wouldn’t matter if a nuclear bomb was launched and blew up the world, or a meteor came and blew it up, or some aliens came to blow the world up. It would only be an amount of time before some idiot strikes a match and all the pollution in the air implodes the earth. That’s why we should stop pollution now, and save what little things that we are going to inherit in the future, so that WE can pollute it, at least….we can’t let the grown ups have all the fun, right?