Two Martians, new to the ways of Earth, were trying to start a campfire.
First Martian: “This match won’t light.”
Second Martian: “What’s the matter with it?”
First Martian: “I don’t know. It worked just a minute ago.”
Joke #11619
Visitor from space: “I was born on Mars.”
Man from Earth: “Which part?”
Visitor from space: “All of me.”
Joke #11618
Martian (to a new crew member): “Why is it important not to lose your head during an attack on Earth?”
Saucer crew member: “Because then I wouldn’t have a place to put my space helmet.”
Joke #11617
A space creature and his girlfriend got stuck in a revolving door and they’ve going around together ever since.
Joke #11616
A man had been kept prisoner aboard a flying saucer for thirty years. When it finally returned to Earth, he escaped and ran across an open field yelling, “I’m free! I’m free!”
A small boy standing nearby said, “So what? I’m four!”
Joke #11615
Two aliens from space upon seeing their first snake.
First: “That’s only a little green snake.”
Second: “Yes, but it might be as dangerous as a ripe one!”
Joke #11614
John: “Why are you snapping your fingers?”
Bill: “To keep the flying saucers away.”
John: “I don’t see any flying saucers.”
Bill: “Works, doesn’t it?”
Joke #11613
Once there were the two space creatures who threw an alarm clock back and forth just to pass the time.
Joke #11612
A space creature walked into a drugstore and ordered a sundae that cost fifty cents. He put down a ten dollar bill to pay for it. The clerk thought, “What does a space creature know about money?” So he handed him back a single dollar in change.
As he did, he said, “You know, we don’t get many space creatures in here.”
“No wonder,” answered the creature, “at nine dollars a sundae!”
Joke #11611
Man to space travel agent: “Give me a ticket to the moon.”
Agent: “Sorry, the moon is full.”
Joke #11610
Two creatures in a flying saucer took a quick pass over Earth. All they saw in their one brief glimpse was the Eiffel Tower in Paris, and a camel in the desert. They radioed back to their planet.
“Forget about this planet Earth. Their buildings are made out of erector sets, and their horses are warped.”
Joke #11609
A woman telephoned the police to report that she’d spotted a flying saucer, and that men from space had been at work on her car.
“They’ve stolen the steering wheel, the brake pedal, and the entire dashboard,” she reported.
The desk sergeant agreed to investigate.
A few minutes later, his phone rang again.
“Don’t bother,” said the same voice. “I was so shook up, I got into the back seat by mistake.”
Joke #11607
An American asks a Mexican, “Do they have Jews in Mexico?”
The Mexican replies, “Si stupid we do. Tenemos apple jews, orange jews, and pineapple jews.”
Joke #11605
Q: Did you hear about the guy who tried to amputate his right arm at a Denny’s?
A: I hope he got all of his leftovers.
Joke #11604
Q: Why are wrestlers so good at geometry?
A: Because they’re used to circling in a square ring.