Talk about looking a gift horse in the mouth. The other day I asked my boss, “What’s the first thing you would do if someone gave you a million dollars?”
And you know what the boss replied? “I’d count it to make sure it was all there.”
Joke #12481
Did you hear about the man who owned a china shop and complained continually because he got all of the breaks?
big ego
big ego – n. a complex in which one doesn’t take praise as a compliment. They take it as the gospel truth.
Joke #12479
Did you hear about the drip who had his brain waves measured and they didn’t amount to a puddle?
Joke #12478
Q: What’s the difference between an eleven-year-old girl and a fifteen-year-old girl?
A: A five-dollar difference in your phone bill.
Joke #12477
A word to the wise: People with the last name of Train should never nickname any of their children “Choo Choo.”
Joke #12476
Of course you’ve heard of the Hollywood starlet who’s had so much plastic surgery that if she gets too close to an open flame she melts.
Joke #12475
After having long hair and a beard and mustache for several years, a hippie shaved his face clean and got a crewcut. When asked why he did it, the hippie replied, “I forgot what I looked like and wanted to refresh my memory.”
Joke #12474
Just once, I’d like to meet an honest man who responds to a question about his marital status by saying, “I’ve been an unhappily married man for ten years.”
Joke #12473
PAPER BOY: “There’s a guy on my route who has sixty-two different daily newspaper delivered to his place every day.”
GIRL: “Wow. He must be a well-read intellectual.”
PAPER BOY: “Nope. He owns a pet store.”
Joke #12472
Ban government-operated dry cleaning shops. Let Americans have freedom of the press!
Joke #12471
Now I’m sure the I.R.S. is robbing taxpayers blind… Yesterday I saw a poster of Uncle Sam and he was carrying a pistol and wearing a mask.
Joke #12470
The United States Mint just issued a statement saying they’d like to replace one-dollar bills with two-dollar bills. Heck! Inflation did that a long time ago.
Joke #12469
The price of milk is so high, it’s almost cheaper to buy ice cream and melt it down.
Joke #12468
I don’t think that the economy is recovering… I’m convinced that it’s terminally ill.