“When in Rome…
…run for your life, because Nero’s here, and he’s going to set the fucking town on fire!”
– Matt Sussman
Category Archives: Quotes
Quotes, re-enactments, “real-life” chat logs.
Quote #21226
“Very few calls on my cell phone lately. In fact, my cell phone has been quieter than a stripper servicing an NBA player.”
– Matt Sussman
Quote #21210
“Let’s hope Dr. Heimlich is a Pistons fan, because they keep choking in the Eastern Conference Finals.”
– Matt Sussman
Quote #21204
“This website is probably Scarred for Life’s biggest fans when you talk about websites that I didn’t create… nevertheless, we struck a deal involving no money or hookers.
https://www.squackle.com/
Try and find the stuff from the old Daily Sussman on the site. I know it’s there. No seriously, find it for me, because I do not know where it is.”
– Matt Sussman
Quote #21200
“The wonderful thing about fraternities and sororities is that brothers and sisters stick together… until the check bounces.”
– Matt Sussman
Quote #21197
“There was a ton, and now there’s none.”
– davepoobond
Quote #21196
Girl: “I’m silly today. Silly silly.”
Reasonably Attractive Girl: “Yeah, you’re silly.”
– from davepoobond’s job.
Quote #21190
“It’s getting warmer, and do you know what that means? Girls are getting into convertibles and driving them, while talking on cell phones and yelling at their friends on the sidewalks. I wish it was cold again. Bad drivers never drive during the winter because ‘it’s too hard’ or ‘there’s too much snow.’ Once it is no longer coat weather, the dumbest girls come out in tank tops and Dodge Neons and terrorize the streets. It’s horrible and there should be a law against it.”
– Matt Sussman
Quote #21164
“Over one thousand gallons of tequila were spilled into the sewer system in Louisville. Know what this means? Party at the Ninja Turtles’ pad.”
– Matt Sussman
Quote #21159
“If you ever get in a fight with the Kool-Aid man, I think a really good defensive tactic is to jump inside of him.”
– Matt Sussman
Quote #21137
::davepoobond rings up a Scantron for a girl. It comes out to 27 cents and she dumps her crap on the counter, digging through her huge purse trying to get change.::
Girl (in a seemingly joking manner): “Sorry, I’m so disorganized”
davepoobond: “Oh, it’s okay. I charge five dollars for overnight parking.”
Girl (really angry all of a sudden): “I’M NOT GOING TO BE HERE THAT LONG!”
::Girl pays for her Scantron and leaves::
– at davepoobond’s job
Quote #21126: The Stars
A while ago, davepoobond drew some star thingies on the table at high school and the next day, there’s something written under them. This all takes a really long time, because each message is on the table every other day.
–
Guy (that wrote on the table): “who drew these damn star thingys?”
davepoobond (writing on the table): “a hot girl, duh!” (There is a heart over the I and as the period in the exclamation mark)
–
Next day…
–
Guy: “o shit. that kicks ass
kinda at least”
davepoobond: “I take it in the ass, too!” (There are hearts on the I’s and the exclamation mark)
–
Next day…
–
Guy: “that’s nasty but I’ll still do you =)”
davepoobond: “ok it’s a date. Whats your name?” (There are hearts on the I’s)
–
Next day…
–
Guy: “Mike, you?”
davepoobond: “Last name….?” (There is a heart for the question mark’s period)
–
Next day…
–
Guy: “MIKE Andrews/whats ur nm”
–
At another place on the table there was a green marker mark, so I made it into an “I” and put “love youuuu” after it.
“Mike” puts “I Love You, too” below it.
davepoobond doesn’t respond to the main conversation this time, so the next day, the guy darkens in “whats your name?”
–
Mike (writing again): “what’s your name”
–
davepoobond doesn’t say anything for a long time. After a while…
–
davepoobond: “my name is Candy Cane.”
–
The last part gets erased. Next time, davepoobond doesn’t see it.
Below all this writing davepoobond wrote “gay” with an arrow pointing towards the seat and under it.
“Mike” says…
–
Mike: “so? you got beef wt gay ppl?”
davepoobond: “who? You?”
–
Somewhere else on the table, someone wrote…
–
–
davepoobond then puts “is gay” under it, so it looks like:
–
And then the “STFU” appears, then “BLOW ME” appears. It looks like…
–
davepoobond: “SUCK ME OFF!”
–
Next day…
–
Mike: “ok!”
davepoobond: “your MOMS ok!”
–
Next day…
–
Mike: “SWEET!”
davepoobond: “and sour…”
–
Next day…
–
Mike: “cream…
cheese!”
–
It got stupid, so I didn’t write anymore.
Quote #21125
Captain O’Hagan: “I swear to God I’m going to pistol whip the next guy who says, ‘Shenanigans.'”
Mac: “Hey Farva what’s the name of that restaurant you like with all the goofy shit on the wall and the mozzarella sticks?”
Farva: “You mean Shenanigans?”
::as they hand the Captain their pistols::
– from Super Troopers
Quote #21124
Police Chief Grady: “I’m sorry about that delousing. Just standard procedure.”
Farva: “It’s powdered sugar.”
Police Chief Grady: “The lice hate the sugar.”
Farva: “It’s delicious.”
– from Super Troopers
Quote #21123
Crawl: “you’ll be happy to know, after you bailed, I popped your daughter’s trunk”
Walter: “oh shit…”
– from a movie