Q: What did the cake say to the candle?
A: You’re burning my back
Category Archives: Jokes
The whole Joke archive. Tons of jokes!
Joke #24626
Q: What did yes say to no?
A: Maybe
Joke #24625
Q: What is the biggest pencil in the world?
A: Pennsylvania
Joke #24624
Q: What does a 500 pound parakeet say?
A: “Tweet!!!”
Joke #24623
Q: What did the book say to the page?
A: Don’t turn away from me
Joke #24622
Q: How do you fit 600 dead babies into a trunk?
A: A blender.
Q: How do you get 600 dead babies out of the trunk?
A: Doritos.
Joke #24577
Q: Why did the fat kid break the law?
A: So that he would be taken into custardy
Joke #24568
There are two blondes driving to DisneyWorld. They drove and drove and they saw a sign that said “DisneyWorld left.”
So they turned around and went back home
Joke #24561
Q: What did the fish say when he banged his head?
A: Dam!
“You’re So Fat” Insults
These can also double as “your mom is so fat” or “your momma is so fat” etc…
–
You’re so fat…
…when I tried to swerve out of the way, I ran out of gas.
…your belly button gets home 15 minutes before you do.
…when you jumped into the ocean the whales started singing “We are Family.”
…when you did the Nae Nae you hit the sun then people thought it was the end.
…you could sell shade.
…Goodyear wanted to fly you over the Super Bowl.
…when you fell in love you broke it.
…when you have to haul ass you have to take two trips.
…when you were diagnosed with a flesh-eating disease, the doctor gave you 10 years to live.
…you can’t fit in this joke.
…the only letters of the alphabet you know are KFC.
…when you sit around the house you sit AROUND the house.
…the post office gave you your own zip code.
…when you sit around the house, you sit AROUND the house.
…when you sat on an iPhone it turned into an iPad
Joke #24533
Q: Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?
A: Because he was outstanding in his field.
Joke #24532
Q: Did you hear about the circus fire?
A: It was in tents (intense).
Joke #24431
Q: There are 500 bricks on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?
A: 499
Q: What are the three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator?
A: Open fridge, put elephant in, close fridge.
Q: What are the four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator?
A: Open fridge, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close fridge.
Q: The Lion King is having a birthday party. All the animals attend but one. Which animal is it and why?
A: Giraffe. He’s stuck in a refrigerator.
Q: Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across and makes it to the other side safely. Why?
A: The alligators are all at the birthday party.
Q: Sally dies anyways. Why?
A: She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
Joke #24430
Bill Gates farted in an apple store and stank up the entire place. But it’s their own fault for not having windows.
Joke #24429
A man walks into a zoo. The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog.
It’s a shitzu.